To not ever go out on Christmas Day.

[Highfivemum]

Have just been having a morning chat with an old friend and she said how she was shocked that on Christmas Day we never go anywhere and it was a tad selfish to others. To explain my DH and I have 6 DC and since we had our first we have always said we want to spend Christmas in our own home. We don’t want to drag the DC away from home and their new toys etc we want to chill out at home. Any visiting is done on Boxing Day. We have my DB and close friend over on Christmas Day and that is our routine. We love it like that. My DF today on the phone said pop over for a Chrissy drink on Christmas Day ( her children are all late teens) and I declined and said no thanks. She thought that was strange and selfish. First time I have been called out on our tradition and now thinking that maybe it is selfish I look back over the years and yes we have refused quite a few invites to visit on Christmas Day. I just love getting up and being with the DC and not having to go out. I also love it just being the 10 of us all day and I can stay in my PJs if I want. ( we are extremely close to my DB and my DF who is a sis I never had )
what does everyone else do. ? Does anyone else just not go out ?

We go out for lunch, just the 4 of us and that’s it.
If anyone wants to visit they know where we are

Go out? On Christmas Day??!!??
What for??

Your Christmas sounds absolutely lovely. I should imagine that actually deep down your friend is jealous that they have to drag themselves out on ceremony year after year whilst you get to do what you want.

We do exactly the same. As a child we had a couple of hours to open and play with toys then either be dragged away from them to go to Christmas parties that lasted until the wee hours or a huge Christmas Day party at our house. I absolutely hated it but pretended to be having fun...all I wanted to do was play with my toys.

Christmas Day is just for us, we visit family loads between then and New Year.

We are with family. Either at their house or ours.
If their house we leave after gift opening and arrive at theirs, and then stay there for the day and boxing day.
Or they come to us.

I love having wider family around at Christmas, I would not like to be with just me dh and kids, part of the fun for the kids is being with the cousins.
But then we do chat and play games and stuff together and have a really nice relaxed time. And it helps that the cousins all get on well and are similar ages.

I cannot imagine going to a friends for a drink. That is for before or after but not on the day itself.

Except you don't have to visit them on Christmas day do you? Just say no. Visit them on Boxing day.

We got out three times in the day: in the morning to church, late morning/early afternoon to a friend's for drinks (except the people who go to the later church service), and after dinner for a walk. But I don't care that other people do differently, I wouldn't think it was selfish.

Do what you like! We spend most of the time from 24th December to 2nd January staying with and/or hosting extended family, which is how we like it! We tried doing Christmas just the 4 of us at home and it was just a bit boring and a huge anti-climax tbh.

As for going out of the house on actual Christmas Day, we always go for a walk (or at least some us do), as we have a dog. Anyway, it's good to get a bit of fresh air!

in my parents’ town we play “who does a ‘Merry Christmas’ nod and greeting and who’s an arsehole"

@stuntbubbles
Maybe some of the 'arseholes' who don't respond find Christmas difficult due to family breakdown, financial issues or they're missing someone special who has died, or just plain lonely.
Maybe just be grateful you're all together to enjoy the walk instead of mean speculation about people (some of whom may be arseholes but surely not all).

@Highfivemum it's not selfish to want to stay home. Sometimes we stay home, some years go out, some years go on holiday. Your Christmas sounds centred on the people you love.

@ASandwichNamedKevin We don’t walk up to them and bellow “ARSEHOLE” if they don’t say merry Christmas in response. It’s a gentle tally of whether it was a talkative walk or not. I’d also be astonished if there were financial difficulties among this particular set, though a good rule of thumb is the more Barbour-jacketed and Hunter-wellied, the less likely they are to smile on Christmas Day.

When I was a child grandparents came to us for Christmas lunch and we went to them for tea along with my aunties, uncles and cousins. It was such a lovely family time. My uncle used to dress up as Santa and arrive with a sack of presents! We never understood why Uncle M was always ‘parking the van’ and missed seeing Santa 🎅🏼

Very rude for calling you selfish for declining an invitation. I’d be gob smacked quite frankly. You sure she is a friend?

Who cares if it is selfish? Doing what you please isn't a crime.

No i don't think you are selfish however if it was me and my friend was only up the road, i would go up for an hour for a drink, i find everyone is in good humor and it could break the day. Its a bit of crack
You are allowed to do whatever you want on xmas day
For me we have had some xmas where we have gone to people, or we have stayed at home on our own or had people over . Its always very relaxed though
I do however get dressed, i am sorry i am not one of these people who can sit all day in my pyjamas. I always have something casual but nice or dressy depending on what we are doing to wear on xmas day or even a jazzy xmas jumper. Thats just me

Our kids now 17 and 23 have always flatly refused to go anywhere else. They love their home xmases

@stuntbubbles I had assumed from your first post that just anyone who wasn't cheerful was arbitrarily deemed an arsehole and was just thinking of some of the families I work with, or some shitty times I've had at Christmas when it has been hard to smile. You did make me laugh with the vision of going up and bellowing at them though. I've never had that happen to me (yet!). Merry Christmas.

@ASandwichNamedKevin Totally fair interpretation! You’re right, too – just because I’m having a jolly Christmas walk doesn’t mean everyone is. Merry Christmas to you too!

We go out. I don't care if anyone else goes out or stays in lol, this suits us.

I had horses for 20 years, and moved 250 miles away from my family to afford my own land and stables for them. As getting a neighbour to look after them for a few days over Christmas would be far more onerous for them than e.g. feeding a cat once a day, my horses were the perfect excuse not to have to go anywhere. When the last one died 8 years ago, people seemed to have forgotten why I didn’t visit, they’d just got used to me not being there, so my partner and I are able to spend Christmas quietly together, forever and ever amen!

I heard of a grumpy old grandad who always refused Christmas invites, saying “I can see you any day of the year, but there’s decent telly on at Christmas, so no thanks.”

Your choice, nothing wrong with that. Though even when Covid restrictions meant I could not be with family I went out of the house for a walk on Christmas Day.

So you're selfish for not doing what she wants to do, then she must be selfish too!

I don't even look out the window christmas day let alone go outside!!!

Personal preference, there's no right or wrong answer.

Personally I stay with my parents, we all decamp there, but I'm not against staying home either

I think I'd have struggled not to reply, "What the fuck's it got to do with you anyway?" but then I'm in a grumpy mood.