To not ever go out on Christmas Day.

[Highfivemum]

Have just been having a morning chat with an old friend and she said how she was shocked that on Christmas Day we never go anywhere and it was a tad selfish to others. To explain my DH and I have 6 DC and since we had our first we have always said we want to spend Christmas in our own home. We don’t want to drag the DC away from home and their new toys etc we want to chill out at home. Any visiting is done on Boxing Day. We have my DB and close friend over on Christmas Day and that is our routine. We love it like that. My DF today on the phone said pop over for a Chrissy drink on Christmas Day ( her children are all late teens) and I declined and said no thanks. She thought that was strange and selfish. First time I have been called out on our tradition and now thinking that maybe it is selfish I look back over the years and yes we have refused quite a few invites to visit on Christmas Day. I just love getting up and being with the DC and not having to go out. I also love it just being the 10 of us all day and I can stay in my PJs if I want. ( we are extremely close to my DB and my DF who is a sis I never had )
what does everyone else do. ? Does anyone else just not go out ?

When I was a kid it was the grandparents who did the rounds to visit everyone and all the families with kids stayed home. Both my parents are one of 5 and the majority of their siblings are married with kids so grandparents would rotate which family the had Christmas dinner with, but they would visit each house on the day. It was instilled in us that Christmas is for the kids and they should be able to stay home with all their gifts, play, relax, eat when they wanted....almost like a day without rules. And this has carried over now.

I don't see my siblings on Christmas day because they are both at home with their children. We spend the week after Christmas shuttling here, there and everywhere with DS bundled in the back seat with whichever new toy he can't part with and it makes that week fly by which is quite sad.

I suppose it depends if someone else is picking up the slack elsewhere? Where are the other siblings and all the grandparents. My Dad turned down seeing me at Christmas because he always does something with his wife’s family. So that’s nice 🤨

@hopeishere ‘hence we always have to visit them in their house’-no you don’t. Opt out.

Rarely, because we have no family a short drive away, so if we ever have, it’s been for the day - which means someone can’t drink.

We nearly always do go out for a walk in the nearby park while the dinner’s cooking - we don’t have it till 5 or 6 - but that’s usually it.

But I want to see them so 🤷🏻‍♀️

I understand that and agree. I however don’t have any elderly relatives nor does my DH. My Christmas’s were not memorable at all so trying to make up for it with my DC

We always traveled for Christmas to visit family with little dc and I loved it! But for the last 5 years family have come to us and it is easier and less stressful. Do you what you want.

That was my DF words not mine. I agree it is a naff thing to say

Not unreasonable at all. I would hate to have to go anywhere on Christmas Day! Since becoming parents we usually stay at home for Christmas, but if we were to visit family we’d go from at least Christmas Eve to Boxing Day.

No elderly relatives on either side. I agree with your point

Not a family set up that I can really discuss sadly. Suffice to say my DB and I are the only family we both have. Same for DH.

Refusing an invitation for drinks is not selfish, you could see her another day.

Refusing to leave home might be selfish if it meant a housebound relative or care home resident didn't get a visit, or a pet didn't get adequate care/exercise, but generally it is just a choice that everyone is entitled to make.

When we were kids we didn't go visiting on Christmas day. Widowed grandmother and single uncles came to us and stayed over so they weren't alone and could relax and have a drink. We might have had a walk locally in the afternoon or once or twice the men walked to the pub for a quick pint.

Now I go out, I have animals that need care. I also go to visit the family, my choice, they would understand if I wanted Christmas at home but selfishly I visit them because Christmas dinner is better! (I enjoy seeing them too)

No one else to consider. We do have a couple of dogs that my DB always takes for a couple of walks during the day

I don't really understand the obsession with "visiting" on Christmas Day.

We go to PILs but to spend the whole day with them, not just "to visit". PIL make Christmas dinner, we all chat and play games, drink and be merry. But it's the only place we go and is walking distance from our house. Most if the present opening is also fine at PILs!

Cannot fathom why people drag kids around all the various relatives and friends on Christmas Day, do it in the run up or between Christmas and New Year!!

Christmas Day is the busy day. The early start, lots of visitors or visiting, cooking, games and excitement.
It not necessarily through choice, if we're not going to PILs house, all my in laws 'pop in' on Christmas Day whether we like it or not.

So for me Boxing Day is the nice relaxed, easy day. A nice lie in, the children properly play with their toys, there's no big meal to cook and any visitors are invited rather than enforced.

We stay at home, just the 3 of us at the moment. it is lovely and I don't care what anyone else thinks tbh.

We have hosted family pre DD, and we will do again I expect but we are living in a renovation so not practical at the moment. We are having people over on Boxing Day for something informal but can't accommodate overnight or do a sit down meal.

I go out to look after the horse but otherwise we are at home (save for a walk around the village).

YANBU

When my first child was born we decided we'd not be dragging them around and about on Xmas day. People are welcome here or we see people before or after.

We never go anywhere on Christmas Day and we don’t have guests either (not after the nightmare year we invited the inlaws and SIL barged in and tried to take over, ruined all the expensive meat we’d bought and treated all my other guests like shit 😫😡). The day is just us now chilling at home and ds enjoying his new stuff.

We do visits on Boxing Day and the majority over New Years. Other people’s hurt feelings aren’t mine to manage. 🤷‍♀️

Its only me and my partner (we dont have DCs) and we have spent all of the past 12 years at home all day just the two of us. My dad fussed a bit about it at the start but I explained that that was what we wanted to do so he was Ok with it. My partners parents call in on their way to his sisters for lunch but if they didnt do that they wouldnt mind either as long as we are happy.

My boys are now 24 & 21 and we haven't left the house on Christmas Day once since we had them.

I don’t think I have ever left the house over Christmas. Probably not for a week at a time if it was a year I wasn’t in work (I love being at home, any excuse like holidays not to go out and that will be me, living like a hermit). And honestly, I’ve had friends, but never anyone close enough to drop in on or buy presents for.

As a young child it was just me and my parents, no relatives or friends to visit, as an older child we didn’t celebrate Christmas as one of my parents died and the other got double time for working over Christmas and we needed the money so I was on my own from 12 over most of it anyway (I didn’t really care, I was off from the hell that was school for two weeks so I was happy not to see another soul).

I’ve had my own family and child/children since I was 22 so Christmas has just been us at home for the last 20 years. Dh family lived too far to just pop into .

My father always lived locally, so once he retired, he would come to our house for the day (despite hating Christmas when I was growing up, all hell would have broken loose if we didn’t have him over once I had my own home and family, i’ll never understand that one), but he’s got dementia now and is in a care home.

dh will get him for the day at some point but not xmas day as he often just walks around screaming saying he wants to kill himself and christ, my younger children don’t need Christmas memories of Grandad being distressed (if I sound cold and hard about that, I am. Two years of being the only one to deal with his rapid decline and everything that comes with it has made me that way).

My eldest is still living at home and my youngest is a toddler so I don’t know what will happen as they grow up. I expect they might marry into families with a less miserable bugger than me for a mother and go there, fwiw, I’d encourage them to. I would never pressure them for visits or guilt trip, I’ve been on the receiving end of that most of my life and it’s hell.

But I really can’t stand Christmas (I do a
great acting job for the children though), it’s so it’s just a great excuse to have to do nothing for me. If it was just me on my own, it would be a normal day, I wouldn’t bother with a thing.

I’ve spent most Christmas holidays at home and found it a really boring time of year because of it. My husband and I are still establishing post Covid traditions as we’ve only been in our house for two Christmases (which had Covid restrictions), but I think our plans going forward will be Christmas Eve with his family (they’ve always had a meal out), Christmas Day at home, and then Boxing Day with my family.
My husband will probably take our one year old to mass too, but I don’t go with them. Might go to park run instead this year though.

Not selfish at all.

However I would look a bit further in to why friend wants to come round. Is on she on her own? Or having troubles at home? Is it first christmas her adult child is at the inlaws? If there is more to it i might make space for a good friend.

Have only ever once been somewhere else on Christmas Day since having DC 5 years ago (my parents house 2 years ago). Will never do it again. It wasn’t the same as having my own Christmas dinner, plus I always do too much so we have extras to snack on later and I didn’t like making the DC leave and stop playing with their toys. We won’t be doing it again. I’ve said if there’s ever someone left on their own (one of our parents/siblings) I’d have them at ours but I’m not going anywhere again on the day. Fortunately DH is on board as he likes to be able to relax and have a drink on the day and I don’t drive.

This is basically what I wanted to say! I don’t like it if I don’t leave the house at all on Christmas Day, so there has to be a walk or something to break it up. We do sometimes stay with relatives, sometimes at home, and have even been away, away for Christmas.

Definitely Boxing Day is “the Big Walk”. 100%

However I also respect your tradition of staying home and staying in, and your friend should too! There’s no rules about what you should do, and certainly no obligation just because she wants you out.

I’ve also hosted Christmas morning drinks before, and whilst it was lovely and went well, I did it knowing many people wouldn’t be able to make it.

“Chrissy drinks” definitely not on