To tell my DH bollocks

[Slippersnotshoes]

Hi all,

My amazing parents sadly lost their beautiful dog in September. Both would love another, they are mid & early 60's both activitie and wonderful caring dog owners.

I would absolutely love to buy my parents a dog for Christmas (I know a dogs not for Christmas blah blah blah as I've said they are amazing dog owners)

My thoughts are a puppy, even though they'd love to rescue, it's just to tricky with grandchildren going round very regularly ageing from 3 to 21!! A puppy would be easier to train and crate whilst grandchildren are there. A rescue could be unpredictable.

I have discussed this with my parents and they are absolutely blown away and beyond grateful and both got very emotional. I had discussed this with DH before hand and he was fine with it because he genuinely believed they'd decline a new dog but because they've said yes he's absolutely hit the roof today.

My reasons for telling him bollocks is because.... it's my money, it won't effect him one tiny bit financially and I can afford to do this for my parents.
I don't tell him how to spend his money. He recently gave his cousin £2000 as he'd ran up a credit card bill and was working 15 hour shifts to pay it off. He also gives his ex £100 per week for his 17 year old DS which to be honest I think is good of him. He DS also works for him 3 days per week so gets his own wage too and ontop of that his driving lessons paid for by my DH. My DH and his DM have such a complicated relationship she is basically absolutely vile to DH but he's brought her a car in the past, he's paid for her home to be carpeted and decorated. He basically tries so hard and she takes takes takes but is so nasty to him.

On the other hand back when we had literally nothing in the early days (other than my wage to live on) when he decided to set up his own business and couldn't afford a van it was my parents who took a loan out for him to get a van and they ask for nothing. They've loved my DSS as their own grandchild since he was 2 years old treating him completely equal to all other grandchildren, they are great to us and they adore my DH.

DH isn't a dog lover at all and doesn't see why they'd want another dog, I on the other hand love dogs and see how much joy they bring. It's also a great way to keep my parents active and social.

AIBU to tell him to fuck off and for once I'm doing something for my parents?

@Minimalme it really is out of character for him and the only thing I can think of that's caused his reaction is because the money for a dog and he genuinely sees it as a waste of money. He's not seeing the years of joy and happiness it will bring my parents

Do your parents know they are getting a puppy instead of an adult dog?

Puppies are incredibly hard work and it sounds as though they wanted an adult rescue.

I personally think it’s a bad idea.

If they really wanted a dog then they would have got one but the fact that they haven’t suggests that they aren’t ready for one and you’ve sort of pushed it on them and they feel they can’t say no

However, if you can afford it and it doesn’t affect the joint account/bills then you can use your money in whatever way you want to.

Is it the money he has an issue with or buying them a dog?

@CarefreeMe yes they do, and they are blown away and very grateful. They also agree an adult rescue and grandchildren wouldn't be suitable.

He genuinely doesn't like dogs so sees buying one a waste of money.

Does he struggle with empathy? Can he really not understand just how happy it would make them?

I couldn't look at him the same.
After what your parents did for him, he would begrudge their daughter getting them a dog out of her own money. Mean and stingy.

@dapsnotplimsolls not normally no, he's usually extremely kind considerate and caring. He was actually extremely upset himself when my parents dog passed and just can't understand why they'd put themselves in the position to go through it again. He is forgetting all the years of absolute joy they had with their dog and how much happiness he brought to them.

@Thepossibility we're usually a pretty laid back couple so this had shocked me and I've told him I think a lot less of him right now. Regardless of his opinion on it though if my parents want the dog and if it's going to make them happy then they are having it. I've told him exactly that tonight

I mean, I don't like dogs much but am capable of seeing the joy they bring others.
Weird response.

Ah, it's this:
He was actually extremely upset himself when my parents dog passed and just can't understand why they'd put themselves in the position to go through it again.

Scared of feeling sad.

YANBU to get the puppy!
YABU to have not shared pictures of the puppy yet! Have you got any??

Well for what it’s worth I’m not a dog person either, and I think it would be a waste of money, but that’s not really the point. You’re not buying him one.
How much is it just out of curiosity?
But yeah absolutely buy them a dog.

I think that it's only right that you get involved in buying the puppy. Within ten years, you might need to be helping out with it's care etc. Unless you've picked a short lived breed? You've bought them something that's going to help with their physical, social and emotional health.

As a non-dog lover, is he worried that you'll "inherit" the dog if your parents decline or pass? Has he been reluctant to visit them and was looking forward to not having to deal with a dog at their house?

Sad that they were happy to take a rescue and you've persuaded them to buy (well, accept) from a breeder. Bit controlling tbf.

YABVU OP, not to tell us what the puppy is and to shut us some photos!

@ChildrenOfTheQuorn it's due to grandchild and risk. Absolutely not persuaded it's been a discussion which they are in agreement with. Majority of rescues homes advise the dogs shouldn't be with children under 13 which would be impossible in my parents home. More of a sensible choice rather than a controlling one, especially with their desired breed!!

@Tlolljs £1,000

@Ponoka7 @SquirrelFan we are a large close family who would hesitate to help out whether it be walks or the sad possibility of caring for the dog in the future. That's no concern to my husband and it has already been discussed.

@PinkiOcelot @TeddyBeans

Gorgeous! What a lovely Christmas puppy 😍

He is a Staffordshire pup and is beautiful. My parents have had a few throughout my life, each with their own amazing personalities and kind nature

@Jewelanemone ❤️❤️

£1,000 blimey. But I guess that’s how much they are.

@Tlolljs a lot are more £2,000 especially for the blue ones but they want a brindle x

Such a picture

Them paws, though, looks as if they might be on the largish side. 😃

Omg a staffy pup how squishy 😍

@FinallyHere his mum and dad aren't overly large and are both absolutely lovely natured so I'm hoping he's going to be just as lovely as their previous staffs. Cute though 😍

@MintyGreenDreams I know!! I can't wait to watch their hearts melt on Thursday when they meet him 🥰