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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step sisters wedding

68 replies

HR313 · 06/12/2022 16:21

Long story short - a year and a half ago we had a holiday to Center Parcs to celebrate my dads 60th birthday. My step mum planned it but complications arose when we were all going to be staying in the same lodge with her daughters dog (my then 4 year old was and still is petrified of dogs) without her asking us if we were happy in same lodge or not she booked another which we thought because she was scared of us giving her covid. Anyway, there was a big falling out and we no longer speak. Her daughter is due to be married next year and as a family we had all been invited (myself, partner, daughter and bump at the time who would be 1.5yrs old at the time of wedding) so we’ve just received a ‘wedding reception’ invite and no longer invited to the whole day. Says they aren’t having kids at their wedding which is fine - one day when they have kids I hope someone tells them they can’t have their children attend some function. Anyway - due to not seeing my step mum/sister since said incident I’m now thinking we will politely decline? Or shall we turn up and go? I’m not expecting to make amends but if we don’t go we will look like we are just as stupid as them for falling out with us in the first place? What should I do?

OP posts:
gettingolderbutcooler · 06/12/2022 16:56

That would be a bit mean of you. They were nice enough to invite you to the reception. Lots of people don't want kids at the wedding- there are loads of threads about it!
Can't you just gracefully accept? Have a nice time?

Itloggedmeoutagain · 06/12/2022 16:59

Is it not an olive branch?
I would go

SalmonEile · 06/12/2022 17:00

Honestly I don’t think you should accept the invitation unless you want to make amends and get back in contact with them and be a part of their lives again
wheres your father in all of this?

Merryoldgoat · 06/12/2022 17:01

The invitation smacks of ‘we don’t want you there’ so that’s enough for me not to go.

forrestgreen · 06/12/2022 17:01

Do you mean they've invited you to the evening do?
Or just to see the wedding but not the 'breakfast'?

NoelNoNoel · 06/12/2022 17:04

I would accept the invite, if it was me I’d probably reach out to the mother before so you don’t feel
as awkward at the wedding .

YaWeeFurryBastard · 06/12/2022 17:04

More info needed on the reason for the falling out to say tbh.

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 06/12/2022 17:05

You can't go to someone's wedding and sit in the corner glaring at them. So you either make up before and accept or don't and decline.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/12/2022 17:07

Do you mean you were all invited to the whole thing and have now been demoted?

rookiemere · 06/12/2022 17:08

YaWeeFurryBastard · 06/12/2022 17:04

More info needed on the reason for the falling out to say tbh.

This - primarily because I'm nosey.

Honeyroar · 06/12/2022 17:08

Do you like your step sister? Do you want to mend relations a bit? If so go. Dance, drink, wish them well. You don’t have to sit with them, or chat. Be the bigger person? They’ve made a gesture..

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 06/12/2022 17:10

Children weren’t invited to my wedding and I wouldn’t invite them now either, even though I’ve had a child of my own since. It’s nothing to post online about. Your original post was confusing, one minute there’s talk of a dog and a ‘terrified’ child and then it’s they didn’t want Covid off you.

She plans a trip, you kick off. Her daughter plans a wedding, you kick off. That’s how this whole thing reads to me anyway.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 06/12/2022 17:13

Yabu to make snide comments about them not having children at their wedding; that’s common and absolutely their prerogative.

It sounds like an olive branch, go if you want to make up with her, don’t if you don’t.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 06/12/2022 17:14

She plans a trip, you kick off. Her daughter plans a wedding, you kick off. That’s how this whole thing reads to me anyway.

I agree. Doesn’t sound like you liked any of them much in the first place.

PurpleMarie · 06/12/2022 17:15

You seem like a really petty person.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 06/12/2022 17:15

Also, not sure if this will be helpful info but we had immediate family only children at our wedding and my husbands step sibling’s children were not included in this as they are not immediate family to us.

KupoNutCoffee · 06/12/2022 17:15

I assume, did you get a save the date, and now the actual invite has declared you're only invited to the evening?

Go or not. If you decline its not like there's a reading of who didn't attend for what reason, so no-one will know (though might have an inclining) that you declined becuase you've fallen out.

It doesn't sound like you're feeling like wishing them well at all, so they'd probably not to have you there all sourness.

Re. Child-free, it's their choice. Perhaps when they have kids and experience them not being included they'll happily look back and say, glad we didn't have them, if they're anything like ours we'd have had some up and down the aisle and crying in the corner. Its not a big slight against your kids, if anything it's your 'excuse' - lack of childcare rather than 'we still don't like you'.

Bigbadfish · 06/12/2022 17:15

Do you seriously think it's unreasonable to have a child-free wedding?

Also, you're a distant step sister so I don't see why you'd expect more than an evening invite. Especially considering your love of drama

ILOVECHEESE79 · 06/12/2022 17:21

I’m not expecting to make amends but if we don’t go we will look like we are just as stupid as them for falling out with us in the first place?

So, you're thinking of going just because you're concerned with how it might look to others if you don't go?!

You're not coming across very well, OP.

TrashyPanda · 06/12/2022 17:22

It is very nice of them to invite you.

Original poster
HR313 · 06/12/2022 17:23

Some of these responses 😂 thank you all for your input and suggestions. My step mother once married my father (who she left for a millionaire banker only for him to leave her for another woman!) karma is all I can say 😌

we were given a save the date invite - presumably for the whole day but that’s clearly not the case anymore. I’m not close to either step mother or step sister. When we were kids yes as I had to spend every other weekend with them. We did have some ok times but that was then and this is now. My dad chose to be ‘piggy in the middle’ when we fell out - it transpired he couldn’t tell my step mum he didn’t want to have a shared holiday and wanted to do something separate with me, my partner and eldest daughter at the time.

I see it as an invite as they are being polite for my dads sake but we will only know him and no one else so it’s going to be awkward if just me and OH attend. Think we will be declining.

OP posts:
NoelNoNoel · 06/12/2022 17:25

Sounds like you’ve made your decision, decline and don’t give it anymore head space.

luxxlisbon · 06/12/2022 17:25

Says they aren’t having kids at their wedding which is fine - one day when they have kids I hope someone tells them they can’t have their children attend some function.

What a weird and petty thing to say. I’m sure there will be plenty of functions their kids won’t be invited to because kids don’t always need to be included in adult events.

ErickBroch · 06/12/2022 17:27

Decline as you clearly can’t stand them so it would be rude to go and behave like that. Child free weddings are very common so I had to laugh at your attempt at a snide comment about when they have kids. I remember the centre parcs post and you were being unreasonable then, too!

ILOVECHEESE79 · 06/12/2022 17:27

I hate posts like this where OP does an irrelevant drip feed because she hasn't got the responses she wanted.