Step sisters wedding

[HR313]

Long story short - a year and a half ago we had a holiday to Center Parcs to celebrate my dads 60th birthday. My step mum planned it but complications arose when we were all going to be staying in the same lodge with her daughters dog (my then 4 year old was and still is petrified of dogs) without her asking us if we were happy in same lodge or not she booked another which we thought because she was scared of us giving her covid. Anyway, there was a big falling out and we no longer speak. Her daughter is due to be married next year and as a family we had all been invited (myself, partner, daughter and bump at the time who would be 1.5yrs old at the time of wedding) so we’ve just received a ‘wedding reception’ invite and no longer invited to the whole day. Says they aren’t having kids at their wedding which is fine - one day when they have kids I hope someone tells them they can’t have their children attend some function. Anyway - due to not seeing my step mum/sister since said incident I’m now thinking we will politely decline? Or shall we turn up and go? I’m not expecting to make amends but if we don’t go we will look like we are just as stupid as them for falling out with us in the first place? What should I do?

God I wouldn't
Theyve snubbed your kids and haven't spoken to you since I wouldn't even reply
I'd wait for them TO PHONE YOU

“one day when they have kids I hope someone tells them they can’t have their children attend some function.”

This comment is hilarious!!! funnily enough we don’t all think that our kids are the be all and end all of everyone’s life!!! I have 5 weddings next year, my little boy will only be going to 1 of them regardless of whether he’s invited to all of them. He’s 1. Its just not worth us taking him, plus we prefer the day/night off for a change!

Wow Bee you sound like a lovely mum.

Hang on, so your daughter dislikes dogs so your step mum was thoughtful enough to put you in different accommodation, but you kick off because you think it was because she thought you'd give her covid?

YABU just for that

I feel just the same as you @BeeDavis. I don’t take my baby to weddings either, she’s also 1!

The Covid thing doesn’t even make sense because according to OP’s thread about it, her step mum put her own children in the other lodge - her son, daughter, daughter’s fiancé & dog, while OP & her family stayed in the same lodge as her dad & step mum.

If you couldn't care less about the no kids policy and admit it's less hassle, why then did you say this? one day when they have kids I hope someone tells them they can’t have their children attend some function.

It sounds like you are more pissed off about it than you admit otherwise why make that comment?

I honestly couldn’t care less about the no kids policy

Well, why rant about it in your original post? You quite clearly never had any intention of attending, so why bother coming on MN when you only wanted posters to agree with you? Frankly, they will probably be relieved that you won't be there.

You sound like a pain in the arse. Do them a favour and don’t go. Send a present so you don’t look like a complete arsehole.

There's nothing wrong with declining, it's an invitation not a summons, but in your situation I would go solo, leaving kids with partner and just attending for max 2 hours to show willing, wish the happy couple well and demonstrate your ability to let bygones be bygones. Given that you haven't spoken, the invitation is an olive branch and it's good to show good grace if you can.

If your bump will be 1 1/2 by the time of the wedding then it is at least 18 months away. I wouldn't make a decision right now but wait to see if relations improve before then.

Frankly, she sounds much much much nicer than you do - and a much better parent too. The fact almost 1/3 of people have voted YANBU here is either a sign of poor reading comprehension or poor website design because you could not be more unreasonable if you were trying.

Things these people have done “wrong” in your mind:

• Booked a holiday for you
• Owned a dog
• Booked a separate holiday accommodation for you because your DD has an irrational fear that you clearly have no intention of tackling
• Been falsely accused, by you, of having an issue with your family regarding Covid
• Sent you a save the date card
• Sent you a wedding invitation
• Decided on a child-free wedding

I have no idea what part of those bullet points you think is unreasonable behaviour on their part.

You, on the other hand:

• Kicked off about the arrangements for a holiday that was booked for you
• Kicked off again when the arrangements were changed to accommodate your needs
• Made false accusations to justify why you kicked off
• Refused to apologise for a year and somehow convinced yourself you’re in the right
• Made bitchy and entitled comments about the wedding you’ve been invited to
• Think you deserve to be invited to the entire wedding despite not being close to the couple, not even liking the couple, and being a dick to the couple.
• Think your children should be the exception to the childfree wedding despite not even being close to the couple
• Think a save the date card means you must be invited to the whole wedding unless it stipulates which specific part of the date you should save.

Did I miss any of your awful, entitled and ridiculous behaviour? You sound like an absolute nightmare who thinks everyone else in the world revolves around her and her children, as is absolutely determined to be a victim (when you’re bloody not). Please don’t go to the wedding, please stay as far away as you can from these people.

Everything that @Chickenly said, it all sounds confusing so can't work out if op is younger or older than bride to be, but l feel there is some insane sibling jealousy going on?
Is the general kicking off about things always centred around this woman's general involvement in family things?

And if stepmother left ops dad for DSS dad, then left him for ops dad again (is that right?) Am assuming wedding will be a massive stressor with all that anyway!

I'm still confused... are the OPs dad and step mum still together?

I think (from OP’s garbled nonsense) that OP’s dad was married to the stepmum and had children, then the stepmum left him for a rich banker. Then OP’s dad met OP’s mum and she was born. Then they split up and OP’s dad reconciled with the stepmum and that they are still together now.

Are your dad and step mum still together?

Is your step sister the daughter of the millionaire banker?

What age were you and stepsister when they got together? Did you live together as a family?

You haven't spoken to your stepsister (or your step mum?) for a year and a half? Do you see your father?

Did you get on ok before the Center Parcs thing?

I feel like I can't really comment without more information.

OP said DSS dad wasn't OPs dad so it's likely the millionaire husband is DSS father. Are you jealous of this OP, will it be a big, expensive wedding?