AIBU to think this is a bit cheeky?

[ermmmwhat]

DH works largely from him but sometimes in an office.

I am a SAHM.

Today he is in the office. Has been planned for weeks.

I have had our 3 DC at home since Monday and they're all ill. Fine no issue.

I've just been contacted by DH to say he's going for some after work drinks. Meaning he'll miss dinner and I'll have to put DC to bed alone.

I've said not a chance as I've been locked inside for 48 hours with three small sick children and I'm not doing bath and dinner alone.

If he'd mentioned it yesterday it wouldn't have been an issue as I'd have been mentally prepared but it's the nature of just dropping it on me that annoyed me.

I'd never do that to him and now apparently I'm the bad guy for saying no!

I’m one of these women. My husband is completely capable of doing bathtime, illness or not. I was out for a drink with friends and our child got a tummy bug and was vomiting everywhere. He cleaned them up, bathed them, told me to enjoy my evening. It doesn’t take two of us and I would have done the same for him.

My sister in law left to go to her Christmas party despite her kids being ill. She isn't the worst parent of the year.

My brother does the vast majority of parenting and he supported her in going. Even though she sees these people every day.

Yabu, it doesn’t take two to put the kids to bed . If he has an opportunity to go out, it’s better to just get on with it then when something comes up that you want to do then as long as you can also do the same then that’s a win win for both. Would not expect my dh to cancel anything in these kind of circumstances and vice versa

DH is military so I've done this pretty much every night for 13 years.

YABU

Personally I believe networking and these social events are important and I’d hate the set up you habe where you treat him like a child asking for permissions.

is it really that bad at home that you react like this?

When you say you've had them at home 'since Monday' do you mean yesterday? If so it's hardly that much of an ordeal. Whilst I understand it's miserable with sick children as s one off I think you're probably over reacting.

It wouldn’t bother me, he can do tomorrow night while you have the evening off.

I have no issue with DH going out generally.

I do have a problem with him going out when I'm expecting him home in an hour and I've had three, sick, preschool children to look after all day. Surprising as it may be to some posters here I'd quite like a hand with OUR children and a some help tidying up OUR house.

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I think that's a bit shitty of you - although he should've asked, not told you. Drinks with work colleagues are often spontaneous and he doesn't see them often.

I would think this was fine and go out for drinks if my DH/kids had a bug. If they were at death's door, of course not, but a bug? Nah. No need for the world to stop.

It's unreasonable to not "allow" him out because you want the house clean 🤣 he's a grown up, YABU. Sick kids, ok yes but come on. Maybe a bigger issue if he needs a pass to go out!

Unless he is out on the piss regularly this wouldn't bother me at all.

Say yes to him going out but that he’ll be doing the nights/mornings this weekend so that you can have some rest

Would he have an issue if the roles were reversed? As I know dh wouldn't, he'd be happy for me to have a fun evening, knowing that I would be the same for him.

Meh, it’s nothing to do with gender, I’ve done this, as has my husband , as long as one is there and we don’t clash it’s all good. we are both parents and can both manage and we both support the other in these occassional events, would I fuck expect to ask permission or be told to go home and would I fuck do that to my husband.

the ops tone smacks of resentment, oh he was put to lunch too . Then get a job, get childcare, the two of you split the cost and take it in turns to look after the kids

oh and for the avoidance of doubt, I’m definitely a woman.

Oh dear, I’d hate this set up, this writhing resentment which is clear in your angry posts.

I think there is a difference between a regular day and horrible terrible really bad day. There are days where if you just can't cope, you can't cope and if this is one of those days then you tell him you need him home.

I think both mothers and fathers should still have social lives but if the kids are sick and OP is at the end of her rope, then today isn't the day to do it.

I would tell your partner he can go on the condition that can have a bit of “me time” at some point this week, go out for a bit by yourself or with a friend and have a bit of a relax.

To be fair to him these kind of events aren't usually planned ahead. Colleagues just ask on the day.

That feeling when they drop an impromptu [insert pleasant activity for the DH] on you at the last minute, is always so much worse when you’re a SAHM.

I remember that feeling of seething resentment.

That’s partly why I needed to return to work. Only ‘partly’, but definitely a reason.

You’re stuck at home all day with no adult company, and no possibility of an impromptu, fun evening activity involving drinks and laughs. Bad enough when the kids are all well. Really shit when they’re ill.

Sorry, OP. You’re not alone and it’s not abnormal to feel like this.

It might be worth asking yourself if you’re really cut out for this. I’m half assuming you’ll go on the defensive and say you love being a SAHM and this sort of thing wouldn’t usually matter, it’s just today when they’re ill. In which case, OK, you’re going to have to take the rough with the smooth.

Otherwise, yeah, there are alternatives.

Yes, it's annoying when you're stuck at home with sick kids BUT you're being a bit OTT about this.

You must know what it's like to get pressure from colleagues to socialize occasionally? Plus, it's Xmas so there'll be more of it going on than usual.

Could you not have just asked him to be home by a reasonable/agreed time? 2 drinks hardly takes long!!

Why are some of these responses needlessly harsh and aggressive?

The OP has said he’s a good dad and does his fair share. Yes it’s a little annoying and little bit selfish, but to go around calling him a wanker?!

As others have said it is stressful and especially whilst kids are not well, but you can perhaps go somewhere this weekend and leave them with him for the day?

Good gracious. If I had been on duty for days I'd need a bit of support at home. Even one full day of childcare, I'd want a break.

As long as this isn’t a regular thing then it’s fine.

Your ‘job’ is to look after the DCs and do the housework etc during the day.

So if he’s going for drinks after work then it’s only a small amount extra that you’ll be doing, than you would have done if you were working in the office.
It just feels more because you’ve been stuck in all day.

I don’t like when anything is sprung on me but as a one off I’d be ok with it.
But id ask him to make sure he’s home early as possible the next day so you can get a break and he can do extra stuff.