To think we're seeing family enough over Christmas

[Christmasissues2022]

We are hosting my parents, MIL & FIL on Christmas Day. Hosting DHs siblings plus MIL & FIL boxing day. Hosting my siblings plus my parents on 29th. MIL has asked us plus DHs siblings to go round to theirs on New Year's Day 'so that the family can get together'. She is upset that we've said we will only call in for an hour or so because we will have got together with everyone on boxing day.

We've offered for her to host boxing day instead of us but she doesn't want this, she wants to host a 2nd family gathering.

We have friends we wants to see over Christmas and want to have some time to ourselves to relax with our young DCs too. We all live locally to each other and we see MIL & FIL every couple of weeks sometimes more frequently. Are we being unreasonable not to want to go for the entire afternoon on 1st?

Of course you aren’t.

Stick with your guns.

She’s not the lead in a musical comedy, she can perform without the full chorus.

I think that sounds a bit selfish (of you, not her). Why can't you spend the day with them? Or don't you want to? (If that's the reason, just say so, IMO)

What an absolutely unnecessary nasty comment. I can only assume you are related to the OP otherwise I can't understand somebody saying something like that to things that don't even concern you?

This sounds like mine and my husbands family. I generally just suck it up.

We have Xmas eve lunch my family
Xmas morning his family
Xmas dinner some of my family
Boxing day his family
NYE early meal my family. It’s exhausting

@Keyansier we have told her we don't want to spend the whole day there and that's why she's unhappy. We're spending all day with her on Christmas day and all day with her and DHs siblings on boxing day. DH is only off work for 8 days, three of these are already being taken up seeing our immediate family. We have extended family and friends we'd like to see too and want a day or two at home with our children to just relax without visiting or being visited.

She is upset that we've said we will only call in for an hour or so because we will have got together with everyone on boxing day.

YANBU however your reasoning may have come across as being a bit 'I think you'll find we've already spent our contractual festive time with you'.

@Trimbocrimbo that's exactly what we're trying to avoid this year. We've spent previous years like that and this year my DH said, actually it's our Christmas too, why are we rushing round to please everyone else?!

OP your MIL is on MN 😁

Totally reasonable of you, she is placing massive demands on your time which is unfair. Stick to your guns

YANBU at all! It’s absolutely fair enough to want time with friends and just plain downtime alone with the kids!

Sounds exhausting, & YANBU.
I'd be tempted to bin the lot of them, & just see my friends.

@MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake i know what you mean about how I've posted it. We phrased it much more diplomatically to her (I hope!) More along the lines of its such a busy time of year trying to get to see everyone and because we'd all be meeting up on 26th we didn't factor in another get together.

Seems like you have hijacked all the special days over Xmas and she wants to host one of her own

shes making an effort for you so you should do the same for her?

imagine if she told you she’d just pop in for an hour then leave!

next time re think the whole division of Xmas and make it fairer

What are your New Years Day plans at the minute?

We’ve just given in. My DM is actually trying to host NY day and is upset we said no - even though she sees up the evening before. I love Christmas but hate the pressure my mother puts on us for endless get togethers

This is a good point. Between us hosting and restaurants my DM isn’t getting to host us - but she is doing Boxing Day for my brothers. I think that’s what bothers her - that she isn’t getting to do her bit. However is there not a point when the next generation start to step up and do the family events

OP offered for her to host and she didn't want to

OP YANBU

YANBU - even if your MIL's preference is to spend several days with all the family, it's not realistic to expect them to want that too (or to not spend any time with their direct/smaller family unit over Xmas and the NY). And it's never fair to try and guilt someone into it.

Cancel the Boxing Day gathering & relax at home.

We used to see family two days in a row as a child and I just don't get it. Stay at home on Boxing Day and relax. You're hosting enough!

I don't think you or she is being unreasonable, but she has to suck it up if you say no, fair enough, you have other plans and you're already spending a day with her.

That's really not nasty - it's very amusing! Most comments are probably unnecessary if you think about it but without them conversation wouldn't flow would it!

God I’m exhausted just reading your itinerary OP!

I see family Christmas Day and Boxing Day and that’s it. I’m home 27th by lunch time and I deeply exhale that the whole thing is over.

When did NYD become a thing?!

YANBU.

When did NYD become a thing?!

Since it's been a bank holiday?

Sure, I mean, of course that 🙄.

I meant another day of ‘faaaaaamily’.