To think we're seeing family enough over Christmas

[Christmasissues2022]

We are hosting my parents, MIL & FIL on Christmas Day. Hosting DHs siblings plus MIL & FIL boxing day. Hosting my siblings plus my parents on 29th. MIL has asked us plus DHs siblings to go round to theirs on New Year's Day 'so that the family can get together'. She is upset that we've said we will only call in for an hour or so because we will have got together with everyone on boxing day.

We've offered for her to host boxing day instead of us but she doesn't want this, she wants to host a 2nd family gathering.

We have friends we wants to see over Christmas and want to have some time to ourselves to relax with our young DCs too. We all live locally to each other and we see MIL & FIL every couple of weeks sometimes more frequently. Are we being unreasonable not to want to go for the entire afternoon on 1st?

I meant another day of ‘faaaaaamily’.

Are you related to the Mitchells from Eastenders?

I've always seen it as Christmas is for family and new years is for friends. Not everyone will feel the same but it's always worked well for me

OP asked MIL if she wanted to host boxing day instead and she declined wanted to be hosted?
And is 'you sound selfish' the new be kind brow beat?

YANBU

We used to have similar issues. In the end we starting throwing a large Christmas gathering with everyone the week before Christmas. Then brought in a blanket 2 days for each side of the family.

So alternate Christmas and Boxing Day each year, then one other day each. The first year we said we were doing this there was push back, but now we just politely remind family and they are ok with it.

We only get the 3 bank holidays and the weekends either side off work. Reserving for 3 of those 7 days to spend quality time with our DC isn't a huge ask.

Given that I’ve done absolutely nothing to warrant this, I’ve reported your post.

Michelle scarn

I didn’t say she was selfish!

not sure why you are replying to me as I didn’t ask for your opinion I was giving the op mine because she asked!!!!!

Honestly, snarky eye rollers who then take offence at the mildest of rebukes really are the dullest of MN posters.

People are so antisocial on mumsnet
all they wanna do is “stay in and be all cosy with my little family”

YANBU, enjoy your family days and make sure the hour or two you’ve said you will attend on NYD doesn’t end up turning into 4 or 5!

No need to be unpleasant

What's wrong with that though? Most people with young kids who work really look forward to a bit of quiet time with their family during the holidays. OP isnt refusing to see anyone she just wants a nice balance. Why should people burn themselves out to make other people happy?

I wouldn’t say you’ll nip in for an hour, I’d say you’re not going. Going for an hour (it will be more than an hour) is the worst of all worlds. I couldn’t bear to be tied down to family plans on New Year’s Day with the people I’d spent the Christmas period with.

Weird

Yikes

She’s hardly being antisocial! Seeing family several days. Wants to have time to see friends. And yes also wants time just to be with her immediate family unit - which there’s absolutely nothing wrong with. I mean aren’t those the people you love most in the world?!

You have phrased it as a negative which is probably why she's upset. Can't you put it in a more positive way such as

That sounds lovely, MIL, we would be delighted to join you all. We already have something planned at lunchtime, but we will pop round in the afternoon to make sure we can see everyone. Thanks for the invite, really looking forward to it!

Selfish to host them two days in a row and then pop in for an hour on NYD? How exactly?

Well DH has decided he doesn't want to host his family on boxing day now. He's going to let MIL know that we will get together with them either boxing day or NY day, he doesn't want to do both. MIL does have a history of being expectant and nothing we do is ever right or enough.
Thanks for everyone who has given feedback that we are or are not being unreasonable. It's useful to get other opinions.

OP has 'just said so'. By that point she'll already have hosted them twice and spent ample time together.

So yes, on this occasion she doesn't want to. And that's completely fine.

Cross-posted with this. I think your DH's stance is right and should send a clear message that if she tries to push him around, she will end up with less. Hosting them on Christmas Day and Boxing Day was plenty to start with; anyone should be satisfied with that.

It's like the old Grimm story: nothing's ever good enough for the fisherman's wife, so when the enchanted fish gives her a cottage she wants a castle, then to be pope, then to be lord of the sun and moon. In the end, he sends her back to her ditch!

🤣🤣

Give over. For a start OP suggested her MiL do Boxing Day. MiL said no. So, seems she's happy to be hosted and simply wants an extra day. OP is not hijacking all the special days.

Except the OP is hosting for 3 days, and also wants to see friends and extended family, while having a day or two to chill with the kids. How exactly is that antisocial?

All those activities and hosting and yet one day that is obviously special to MIL and the OP is suddenly too tired and exhausted and wants to rest conveniently on that day? Some people might call that kind of behaviour exclusionary and spiteful...

Sounds like a good compromise.
That was my thought - to cancel the boxing day and have NYD at MILs instead.
I agree - three full days over a short period of time when you live so close is OTT.