To think we're seeing family enough over Christmas

[Christmasissues2022]

We are hosting my parents, MIL & FIL on Christmas Day. Hosting DHs siblings plus MIL & FIL boxing day. Hosting my siblings plus my parents on 29th. MIL has asked us plus DHs siblings to go round to theirs on New Year's Day 'so that the family can get together'. She is upset that we've said we will only call in for an hour or so because we will have got together with everyone on boxing day.

We've offered for her to host boxing day instead of us but she doesn't want this, she wants to host a 2nd family gathering.

We have friends we wants to see over Christmas and want to have some time to ourselves to relax with our young DCs too. We all live locally to each other and we see MIL & FIL every couple of weeks sometimes more frequently. Are we being unreasonable not to want to go for the entire afternoon on 1st?

@Keyansier We made sure we'd dedicated days to seeing immediate family before we made any other plans. I have a cousin who lives away coming home for Christmas for the first time since 2019 and it is important to me to see her while she is here. DH has uni friends coming home and wants to meet them. We've made plans with those people now and left ourselves two days to relax with our children. It seems that the majority of people don't think we're being unreasonable. I cant decide if you're being purposefully opposing or if this has touched a nerve with you for some reason.

All those activities and hosting and yet one day that is obviously special to MIL and the OP is suddenly too tired and exhausted and wants to rest conveniently on that day? Some people might call that kind of behaviour exclusionary and spiteful...

Well those people would be dramatic and childish.

Where does it say that NYD is 'special' to OP's MiL? It's also the decision of OP's husband. And where did anyone say they'd be exhausted? Try reading again. It's about using their limited time for many different people. They've agreed to stop by, but it's not good enough unless they give up their whole day. MiL is already getting two full days being hosted, how on earth is she being excluded in any way?

Oh, give over. Year after year people report how exhausting Christmas can be, but the minute people push back and try to keep it simple, they get this kind of pressuring BS.

Last year our ILs got their way and had four Christmas get togethers within 9 days, during which we also drove 6h round to see my parents.

This year is a longer break and I'm not doing it. I want to chill out, bake and see my friends the other days.

That poster is always like that, they take against an OP always. Just ignore them

Isn't it a bit late to cancel boxing day plans now? Would it not be better to stick to your guns and tell mil you already have plans for new years and can't change them. Your dh is right in that it is your time off too. You've offered to let mil host boxing day so aren't being difficult. She has to realise she can't have everything her own way.

Good! 3 days of hosting family seems exhausting.

Do you host every year or is it in turns?

We've always had a common sense agreement during the Holidays. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day is for family, mine and in laws. New Year's Eve and Day are for friends. We have a few friends who are very dear to us and want to spend time with as well.

Stick to your guns.

My parents visit from Christmas Eve till day after Boxing Day and are back for another overnighter between as it’s one of ours birthdays. We always spend New Year’s Eve doing what we want, which is generally with our friends. It’s not discussed, I just say that’s what we are doing.

We end up hosting every year. MIL usually gives a reason why she can't host and then tries to arrange something last minute between the Christmas and New year, usually with a day or two notice and gets in a huff when not everyone can make it. DHs siblings never host.
My siblings never host. My parents take turns with us. It's just become expected by all siblings that we will host them. Maybe we need to look at changing that next year too.

@Sceptre86 sorry missed your post. I think its a bit late but to be honest I'm just going to let DH deal with it now. I've had enough of trying to navigate his family politics.

Exactly flip around the one day that is obviously special to MIL and the OP is suddenly too tired and exhausted and wants to rest conveniently on that day? Some people might call that kind of behaviour exclusionary and spiteful...
The first chance op gets to relax in peace is the one day MIL suddenly decides she WILL host!