They should use both?

[SpinningFloppa]

Dd has two surnames (mine and exes not hyphenated) when I registered her I actually asked which way round to put the names so mine was the main one used (I was told to put mine first)

Well immediately I found out this wasn’t true as straight away everywhere started to drop my name, they will only refer to dd under exes name and mine isn’t mentioned at all.
When she started school I asked for her to he known under my name only (no contact with her father) and the school was happy to do that so that’s all dd has known her name as. However other places will not accept this but equally they are happy to drop mine 🤦🏻 but won’t accept her just being known as mine but are happy to call her under just her fathers surname. I’ve been told that because mine is first it’s actually considered a middle name even though it’s in the surname box on her birth certificate. Ex won’t agree to the name change despite not seeing her. I’ve been told a judge would never agree to a name change, aibu to expect places to at least use both? Should I hyped them so that both are included? Does anyone with a hyphenated surname find places only using one name? (Should add dd also wants her name changed as I have other children that have my surname)

I can understand it happening as yours is the middle name. Shame it worked out that way, not sure where you stand until she's old enough to change it legally herself.

Its definitely her surname and not a middle name the registrar told me it would be easier to drop the last name (well that’s not true)

For less formal things drop the last surname and hopefully it will sink in . When they ask her name say its your name? Or hyphenate it when filling in forms. That sounds a pain though

If he hasn’t seen her in a certain time period you can apply to change her name without his authority - a friend did this when her abusive partner left and didn’t see their son, I think it was 6 years of no contact

Mines hyphenated but the 2nd one is quite short. Never had a problem.

Where isn't using her name ? I had a sur name I didn't use and it was eventually never used just took time though.

I'm a teacher and have honestly never met a child with two separate surnames that are not hyphenated. That must be very unusual and I can see why it is happening because, when written or typed, your name will look like a middle name. Personally I would start hyphenating until dc is old enough to change their name.

This sounds crazy. My children have the same and I've never been told that the first surname is considered a middle name. That's nonsense. If they did, I would just correct them. Their surname is Smith White and so it's just incorrect to call them White, just as incorrect as if they called them Whittle instead of White.

Just keep correcting it.

I don't think you can change the surname for formal things though so you can't expect them to just be Smith everywhere instead of Smith White. You definitely can stop them just being White though!

Would he agree to a name change to hyphenate it?

Really? Never met a child with a Hispanic name? Even outside of that culture it's pretty common.

I have 2 friends with 2 surnames that are not hyphenated, you just have to keep repeating it’s Brown Green, not Green. If it’s for a form I’d lose the space if it wasn’t accepting it as a character.

Oh and both my friends are from very upper class family’s where it’s been the done thing for years and years.

I have 2 surnames not hyphenated you just need to correct them. Anywhere medical, legal. Financial absolutely ensure it is correct.

Anywhere medial, dd has sen so has a lot of appointments and everywhere will only call her under his name as default, I have to correct them in order for them to use mine, so drs, dentist, hospital, letters will come in only his name, if I get prescriptions for her they will call out only his name not both, I sometimes get called miss (exes name) as they assume it’s the same name. It’s annoying having to constantly correct it.

Due to the bad advice you've had, you have put your name into the middle name position. And surnames as middle names aren't that unusual so making the middle name assumption will come easily to most.

Helena Bonham Carter
Kim Kardashian West
Sacha Baron Cohen

Ok maybe you've not taught those but it's not unusual.

You need to escalate it with the hospital, Drs etc and tell them they have her name WRONG, if it keeps happening they are not updating their database fields fully.

Remind them that her LEGAL name is xyz and they could cause a serious issues in a medical emergency if they do not correct this due to not finding her notes.

I've not had this at all with any of my DCs with NHS, dentist etc. Just correct them if you do.

All NHS correspondence comes to Master/Miss Smith White.

I.e. the NHS systems are definitely fine with non hyphenated double barrelled surnames!

Tbh I always assumed double surnames were hyphenated automatically.

Anyway does her dad have parental responsibility? I think but not sure that you can drop her last surname without his permission

I just had an appointment with her last week and the dr did read out her full name so Sophie Olivia smith jones (not real names!) and then went “so that’s Sophie jones” It happens every time. I said no it’s Sophie smith.

Father is on bc so not able to change the name.

You can just change by common usage though - her ID has both names, so for other purposes, just put Sophie Smith, then if ID is required you can explain then that she has a non-hyphenated surname and usually just uses the first one.

Just hyphenate them. Next time you're at a medical appointment ask the receptionist to change it to hyphenated on the system.
Same with school

NHS won’t allow it I’ve tried dr said they won’t

Try again. Mine did it on the basis of a single telephone conversation with the receptionist at my GP surgery. It’s now on all my NHS records.