They should use both?

[SpinningFloppa]

Dd has two surnames (mine and exes not hyphenated) when I registered her I actually asked which way round to put the names so mine was the main one used (I was told to put mine first)

Well immediately I found out this wasn’t true as straight away everywhere started to drop my name, they will only refer to dd under exes name and mine isn’t mentioned at all.
When she started school I asked for her to he known under my name only (no contact with her father) and the school was happy to do that so that’s all dd has known her name as. However other places will not accept this but equally they are happy to drop mine 🤦🏻 but won’t accept her just being known as mine but are happy to call her under just her fathers surname. I’ve been told that because mine is first it’s actually considered a middle name even though it’s in the surname box on her birth certificate. Ex won’t agree to the name change despite not seeing her. I’ve been told a judge would never agree to a name change, aibu to expect places to at least use both? Should I hyped them so that both are included? Does anyone with a hyphenated surname find places only using one name? (Should add dd also wants her name changed as I have other children that have my surname)

That might be your problem then- you can correct to Smith Jones (actual name) but not just Smith as that isn't her legal name?

You definitely don't have to put up with Sophie Jones (and I'm really surprised at that, my DCs only ever get Sophie Smith Jones read out, so their middle name is never included, and never shortened to Sophie Jones) but changing to Sophie Smith is probably not possible until it's legally done.

I think you have to make your peace with Smith Jones.

Why do people do this crap? Just give your child one surname. Saves a lot of hassle.

That’s not the point, they are happy to drop one surname so if they want to do that it can be his not mine, as professional places that have never met us before I expect them to use both surnames but as they won’t do that at all then they can use only mine, the issue isn’t that they are using both, they are not they are only using one, I don’t mind both being used what I mind is only one being used.

I think this is what my mum did with me it was just my name by the time I was a teenager . The only time it was a problem was on my wedding certificate but I have an AKA ammendment on it.

Don't bother speaking to the Dr about it try the receptionist or practice manager at a push

I don’t mind both being used what I mind is only one being used.
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Well, as I said, just keep correcting it to both and put in a complaint if they don't. I think you've had unusually bad experiences as this hasn't ever been an issue with my DCs whether in NHS, banks, holidays, nursery etc etc.

Regardless of what the registrar said, everybody knows that an unhyphenated name that isn't the last one is a middle name, surely? I would hyphenate if you want people to use both.

I can't imagine why the registrar said that. With separate surnames the first surname will generally get mistaken for a middle name. Should have been hyphenated in the first place.

Well people on this thread disagree with that so not sure “everyone knows” I didn’t, it’s not a middle name as it’s in the surname box on the birth certificate

Where I'm from it's not uncommon to have surnames as middle names so I'd just assume any surname-style name in the middle was a middle name if not at the end, so I see why people are confused if they just see the name in full and not separated into boxes. I imagine hyphenating would solve any issues. You can keep insisting and hopefully people will catch on but it doesn't surprise me that this is an issue.

When the double barrelled surname is first created, it should not be hyphenated. It's only people born into the double barrelled surname that should hyphenate it.

Colleagues of mine double barrelled there surname and were Mr and Mrs Webb Williams. Their kids are Webb-Williams.

I see it as having a name with 2 common spellings. You get used to saying Mcdonald with a small d or MacInver MAC not Mc, Stuart STUART (not that auto correct was having any of that!) so they say “I’m looking for Daniel Lewis” and you say “it’s Day Lewis”. Just matter of fact, and when they says it’s not or they can’t you say you’re pretty certain what the name you chose is and leave it at that.

What sort of places won’t take both names?

After I divorced I added my maiden name back in to my surname without a hyphen. No problems anywhere.

I would imagine you could very easily just fill in forms with both names and stick a hyphen in there.

Exactly.

Some complete rubbish on this thread about unhyphenated surnames. Of course you can have a double barrelled surname that's unhyphenated without one of the surnames being a middle name. 😂

Not true. I had a two word surname with no hyphen for years and no body questioned it. Schools, banks, landlords, employers etc.

How old is she OP? Is she very young still?

Never had any Spanish or Portuguese heritage in the class then?

She’s 11 but I tried to get it changed when she was younger but he refused, I also contacted a solicitor but I was told it wouldn’t happen and a judge would never agree, it’s now been 2 years now since she last saw him.

Does it upset or bother her? I'm just thinking in 5 years she can change it without anyone's permission so if school are using the chosen name it's just the medical stuff until then.

Using fake names here, let's call my friend Jane Smith and her husband Tony Peters.

When Jane had a DD, she registered her as Baby Peters on her birth certificate. She then registered baby at the GP, where she decided that having the same name as her baby in a medical setting might be useful, so asked them to list her as Jane Peters, even though it's not a name she uses anywhere else.

After a bit of thought, she realised this was a bit mental, as she doesn't have any ID or anything in that name, so contacted the surgery and asked to revert to her maiden name.

They said they could only change her name if she presented them with a copy of her divorce papers, which she can't do because she's not divorced.

At no point have they seen any ID in the name of Jane Peters, so even when presented with a copy of her Jane Smith ID and baby's birth certificate, which also says Jane Smith, they are still saying it's impossible to amend the system!

Bonkers!

I understand it's her surname on her birth certificate, but surely you can understand how people misunderstand and think it's a middle name, especially in somewhere as busy as a hospital/doctor's? (Your daughter would have been one of many people seen that day, and the person speaking to her would likely have just seen her name as one line on their clinic list for the day, and assumed that the two names in the middle are both middle names?)

Yes, it is annoying for you, and your DD, however, but not much you can do other then continue to correct people, and your DD can change the name when she's old enough to legally do so.

Really? My DS has two surnames not hyphenated.

I have to say we rarely had a problem with one name being dropped but it was often hyphenated incorrectly, or misspelt as one of the names is seemingly trickier to spell.

Yes it does bother her

Yes I guess I’m annoyed I was given the wrong information and that’s why I asked if hyphenating would be better so they have to use both

So surely when filling in forms, just write your surname then, and miss off the last name completely. if its something that requires her to show a birth certificate to register or something, again why is it an issue if your surname is written in the surname section? Just say to them, yes there are 2 surnames but we don't use the last one.

If you've already given 2 names at places and they get it wrong, just keep correcting them, and ask for it to be changed on their records to just your surname.