To think DS should be at DM birthday over SIL birthday?

[Janedoe95]

Both my DM and SIL have the same birthday SIL is having a party and DM is having a family meal.

both love DS very much and will be upset if he can’t attend. I definitely have to attend DM she’s a great mum and always helping out especially financially

am I being unreasonable to prioritize son seeing my DM this is going to be a predicament every year I do like my SIL but also she’s only an aunt? I think if it was MIL id maybe say to my DH he should take DS but I’d like him to be present for my mums birthday

I would prioritise my own sister over my husband's mother. Is that the scenario here?

Is your son a child? I can't decide from your post.

How old is your son?
Are they both on at the exact same times?

Sorry, I read it wrong. How old is your DS?

Yes, I’d probably prioritise my sister over my mother in law if I was your husband too. Will this be an issue though every year? Surely most people only have big family birthdays for a big birthday?

sorry I should’ve said my son will be almost 1 when both birthdays are happening.

id only be able to attend one event as they’re on at similar times an hour apart

just to clarify- it’s my mum and my sister in law’s birthdays happening at the same time

I think your DM and SIL are unreasonable to be honest. Surely they could coordinate so that their celebrations are not on the same day, forcing family to choose?

I'd have taken a 1 year old to a family party with your DH and then you get to enjoy a nice family meal with your mum to celebrate?

He’s only one so seems a bit odd that people are fighting over him being at their birthday. And he won’t know any difference either way.

Which event was planned first?

Yes I think grandparent trumps aunt, assuming good relationships with both.

I find generally that kids have stronger relationships with grandparents than uncles and aunts, so in your position I would prioritise my mother's event.

Pretty sure DM means Dear Mother in Mumsnet, plus OP refers to 'my mum's birthday' so this is her mum, not her mother-in-law (or MIL in Mumsnet 😉)

@Janedoe95 by exception, in most family hierachies grandparents are prioritised over aunties and uncles. Unless its possible to attend both, then DS can only be in one place at one time, so I think it's totally reasonable to attend grandma's. Can you see SIL on another day?

I would take him to his Granny's birthday meal no question even if it was his other granny I'd do the same .

Presumably it's her mum and her husband's sister so they're not part of the same family.

Personally I would just pick one and say you'll come round to celebrate the others birthday another day. I don't think that should be a big deal.

By SIL you mean your husband's sister and not your brother's wife?

Your son is ONE? What is the problem? I thought he was the one disagreeing. Just go see your mum, what's the problem?

Totally understandable that you'd see your mum over your SIL.
Not so straightforward for your DS - I wouldn't say a grandparent is inherently a closer relative than an aunt?
As a one off I'd say its fine to see your mum, if it's going to be the same every year you might want to alternate.

My husband attends his sister’s birthday usually whilst I go to my mums

I think it will be an issue every year at least until my son is old enough to choose who he wants to visit then that might’ve a solution

but I do still think it’s more important to be at his grandmothers over his aunt.

if it was my sister’s birthday or my mother in law i would prioritize my mother in law

Ah yes sorry I was thinking brother's wife!

As your baby is so young the families will not have had the chance to flex with each other yet. Celebrations will change of the years so it's possibly you may never have to make this decision again. And if you do - I'd alternate.

It is possible to over think this type of situation - go with the flow. A formal meal with DM isn't really the thing for a toddler for example, whereas a family gathering at SIL's home with lots of other children, would be great fun for a toddler and older children. Small babies don't care!

I read it to be that SIL is on the husband's side. I wouldn't expect my mum and my partner's sister to coordinate their birthdays (they've never even met), so I think it's just unfortunate timing.

Yes sorry I misunderstood

I saw sorry, cross posts!

I would send a child to a party rather than a meal. They’ll have more fun with other children there.

Do they do big things every year on their birthdays though ? I mean not a lot of people have mid week birthday parties do they .