To think about moving from a house into a flat?

[Thepotdog]

DH and I moved back from London to my hometown in the north during Covid, lived in the city centre and then moved out and bought a house in the suburbs. We’ve never really settled, we find it a bit boring with not much going on and haven’t met anyone. Husband still works in London so is away a lot and I’m pretty lonely.
We’re considering moving back to an area right next to the city, area is a lot more vibrant, cafe culture, bars, shops , restaurants etc. plus 10 minute walk into the centre and a much younger demographic. It reminds me a lot of our old life back in London.

The only sticking point is we’d only be able to afford a (large) flat and I’m currently pregnant with 1st baby. The flat we’ve seen is over 2 floors, 3 beds, 2 baths, kitchen and 2 reception rooms so fairly big. Our current house is 4 bed, over 3 floors with garage, drive and garden for comparison. Both sets of parents think we are mad and that we are totally underestimating how our lives will change once the baby is here. But the thought of having a baby in our current area makes me feel even more isolated.

Are we being unreasonable to think this would work?

I moved from big 4 bed detached in the arse end of nowhere suburbia back into a lively city with loads going on, small 3 bed terrace. No parking. Small courtyard garden. I so glad I did because it turns out I'm a better mum when we are out and about - I hate sitting home all day - and I'm so grateful I'm raising my child with things happening and people around and stuff going on. I thought not having a drive would be a pain lugging all the baby stuff but you get used to it. It's only about a year before stairs are the most fun thing ever and your little one will be excited to walk up them! Can you store the pram on the ground floor and use a detachable carry/car seat to get them up the stairs when small? You'll find you develop a system. Lug baby up stairs, leave safely strapped in seat so baby can watch you carry shopping up to them, move baby into flat then move shopping into flat etc. Your hardest bit with the stairs will be age 1-3 when they're mobile but don't understand the concept of listening! But parents everywhere manage and maybe you can install a couple of baby gates. We use the garden for the odd couple of hours in the summer but we'd rather be out at a playground or local park anyway. And yes noise travels in a flat but it does sideways in attached houses too.

I definitely think you should go where you will be happiest.

Check if it's concrete between the flat and whatever is on the ground floor. If not, the noise will be an issue that would make me pause on that particular flat. Otherwise the rest is all doable. I've moved out of our flat when my DC were 8 and 3 - we also had a rooftop terrace on the 16th floor and they played a lot there, incl a paddling pool. No, my kids were never tempted to climb over the balustrade - when they grow up there, the "no climbing" gets embedded early on and is not a problem - we've never had to say it to ours, they just knew. Might be different for any visiting children. Our lift stopped at 15th floor so it was always up one set of stairs to get to the flat - again, not that big a deal. You live differently in a flat and people always extrapolate how they would live in a house without realising that daily habits become quite different. The need for city buzz is more important - I could not cope in a quiet suburb with a young baby. If you're worried about feeling isolated, now is the time to move. It's much harder when the baby arrives. The ideal flat when you have little people is also next to a park and easy walking distance to town centre and your favourite places. If a good school is also within walking distance, that's even better. Just check what's between floors - noise (both "yours" and "theirs") is a major not to overlook.

I think it would be doable with a garden flat but wouldn't go for one like that. I lived in a mews house with a baby for similar reasons and my life was so much easier once we moved to a house with a garden. Could you rent out your house and rent a flat to try it for maternity leave?

With property I'd think long term, or medium term - at least until your child starts school. Where's the nearest park, playground, community hall that does baby classes? Where is there a concentration of decent nurseries? What are the schools like? What happens if you have a second child?

I'd wait for now, as much as it's easier to move without a baby. Being near other young parents will make your life easier ime.

Most of Europe has families living in flats, but nearly all of them do apartment living better than the UK, I'd say. And houses here tend to go up in value faster than flats (certainly since covid round my way!) so you may find yourself priced out down the line.

Getting a buggy up and down the stairs and lack of storage for buggy are the real downsides for me.

We were in a flat when ds1 was born, planned to stay a few years but couldn’t stand it and moved before he was 8 months old to a house.

I actually found city living very isolating with a new baby, much more family oriented in the suburbs.

I would wait until baby arrives and make a decision then.

I never understand why people always bang on about carrying shopping in these threads - obviously you get it delivered and they should carry it to your flat door. But I have been doing online grocery shopping for 20 years and don't really understand why anyone would still do "the big shop".

I also haven't really found that my kids play that much in the garden.

But I agree more generally that first floor will be inconvenient. Not just the pram but also things like bikes and scooters and stuff.

I really would try and find a ground floor flat.

Very interesting thread! DP and I plan to raise a child in our 2-bed flat in London as we are close to parks and there’s so much to do on our doorstep. Suburbia would bore the shit out of us. Can’t imagine leaving London (though the dream is obliviously to one day be able to afford a house here 🙏).

One thing to consider is it can be quite easy to make friends when you have a baby if you join groups.

Go for a second viewing and take a pram with you, put a couple of bags of flour in the seat and see how it feels getting it up the stairs. If you just mean steps raised up outside to a front door to a raised ground floor then maybe not so bad. I do agree about climbing kids and the roof terrace though. My son would have been up playing on that tiled roof bit in the middle from age 3, and probably shining up the outside fences too.

I live in a wealthy-ish part of Glasgow where almost everyone lives in a flat - it's just how it is here. People walk up stairs with their kids, carry shopping, carry bikes, no problem! Not everyone would choose the top floor (up to 4th floor in some tenements), but first floor totally fine. People choose living in tenement flats over homes in suburbia. And you get better neighbour relations and borrowed heat from other floors.

It's odd when I stop and think that people expect houses elsewhere, and anything else is considered completely impractical. But then I grew up above a fish shop..

Not really relevant, but architecturally, everyone in tenement flats is meant to be part of the "democratic" town planning in the area. You might be in a big one, or a small one, but almost everyone is in a tenement. It's a leveller - another thing I really like about it.

Parking was a deal breaker for me re. flat vs house - it so much easier if you have your own drive & garage

I'm in zone 4 London, technically the suburbs- I can literally do everything that I can do in zone 2 so tbh I really dont get the difference. The OP sounds slightly different granted but it's not always you don't live in zone 1 you're bored.
I have 4 soft plays near me, endless parks, a royal park 20mins drive away, 3 local swimming pools, clubs/ libraries etc-

The stairs plus loads of baby-related clobber. Pain in the arse.

The roof terrace + small children gives me the fear!

Imagine another pandemic and parks being closed, like last time. No space to play.

I’d stay put and see how it goes. We moved to a village where I knew no one but once we had a baby I met people through baby groups, nursery, school.

Oh yeah, thin as a whippet in no time. Better than a personal trainer 51 steps x2 (twice a day minimum), knackers the knees though, and once the baby was 8.5 kilos felt like weightlifting too.

I live down a flight of stairs to my flat - my daughter is now 2 and it has never been a big deal deal - got a really light pram (yo-yo) could carry it with baby down the steps if needed or else I just took her out and came back for buggy

little bit of an inconvenience but not impossible

I’d never live in the suburbs I couldn’t cope love being close to everything! We chose smal flat in the city next to everything and I’d chose this every time

@Usernamen I think there's a big difference between making where you already live work and incurring the large moving/stamp duty costs to move somewhere that isn't suitable in the long term.

I loved my flat. I made it work with a baby/toddler but there's no way I'd move back there having experienced the benefits of a house.

I'm glad we stayed those extra few years as it was right financially but I do love being able to peg out washing in my dressing gown.

Access to child care and support is also a key consideration.

Shopping: I get everything delivered. If you are not keen on online shopping and prefer to look at fruit and veg yourself, then yes, that might be a consideration. I personally loathe shopping in person and prefer online.

Would never go back in a flat purely down to Leasehold issues. Even if you have a share of the freehold its not straight forward. Much better to live somewhere where you own the full freehold. Flats can be convenient when they are babies but as they grow having your own outdoor space is wonderful.

i get all my heavy shopping delivered, look at fruit, veg and meat in the supermarket. But those things are very light and easy to put in a backpack.

I live in a garden flat in the middle of a big city and I LOVE it. We managed the first year of DS's life on the first floor, but lugging the buggy up and down was a faff.

I think if you're a city person, then you'll never truly be happy in the suburbs. I didn't even like living in the suburbs as a child - as an adult I'd go completely batshit crazy. To me, the flat inconveniences are worth having everything I need on my doorstep.

I never understand why people always bang on about carrying shopping in these threads - obviously you get it delivered and they should carry it to your flat door. But I have been doing online grocery shopping for 20 years and don't really understand why anyone would still do "the big shop".

Even if you don’t do a “big shop” you probably go up the stairs with a baby + a bag of top-up shopping / go down and back up with a baby to let in a delivery person who wants a signature. You may find it a small thing, I’m (living in a first floor flat, moving to a house god willing) absolutely done with it. At the very least it’s a baby + a backpack with their crap. Or a toddler who isn’t safe on the stairs + backpack + back of shopping + the coat the toddler refused to wear.

Stay where you are until you’ve had the baby and if you’re still not happy, try the city centre flat. If you do NCT etc where you are now you will probably meet people. I live city living but couldn’t bear having a baby or toddler in a flat with no lift, no proper garden, no odd street parking. Of course some people do and it’s fine but it’s rarely a choice made over and above a family house with all those perks.

Quite frankly I think you would be nuts to move before even trying it out where you are with the baby as it may very well come into its own then. We moved to the suburbs pre kids and it only really became home with local friends etc once we had children.

Without wanting to sound patronising you simply can’t understand how your day to day life and priorities will change until the baby is here. Don’t make life changing decisions based on how you THINK you’ll feel after the baby comes.

A close friend of mine bought a first floor flat over thirty years ago, and is still there.

I was probably a little jealous of it, it seemed huge, spacious and extremely light and bright compared to our 2up/2down.

We had parking for a small car, so have they, they have direct access from the back door to a long south facing garden (down the external staircase), also there is a gate at the side to take bikes etc in.

They share the freehold with the downstairs neighbours who have been there for a long time too, it’s a converted double fronted Edwardian property,

We moved (apart from falling in love with the house we are in now) for a variety of reasons - schooling was one of them and you couldn’t swing the proverbial cat in our first home!!

They never had that issue, the schools were fantastic, they’ve never needed two cars cos transport is fantastic, the shops are a five minute walk away, and neither of them want to move, because it doesn’t matter what your house or flat is, if it’s your home - it’s your home.

I'm with your parents personally I would give it a year after birth and if the urge is still there then go for it 💪

My current flat has a lift.
We gave up our car because we don't need one any more.