To think about moving from a house into a flat?

[Thepotdog]

DH and I moved back from London to my hometown in the north during Covid, lived in the city centre and then moved out and bought a house in the suburbs. We’ve never really settled, we find it a bit boring with not much going on and haven’t met anyone. Husband still works in London so is away a lot and I’m pretty lonely.
We’re considering moving back to an area right next to the city, area is a lot more vibrant, cafe culture, bars, shops , restaurants etc. plus 10 minute walk into the centre and a much younger demographic. It reminds me a lot of our old life back in London.

The only sticking point is we’d only be able to afford a (large) flat and I’m currently pregnant with 1st baby. The flat we’ve seen is over 2 floors, 3 beds, 2 baths, kitchen and 2 reception rooms so fairly big. Our current house is 4 bed, over 3 floors with garage, drive and garden for comparison. Both sets of parents think we are mad and that we are totally underestimating how our lives will change once the baby is here. But the thought of having a baby in our current area makes me feel even more isolated.

Are we being unreasonable to think this would work?

The thing is the OP may really like to go back to a flat, she may perfectly well cope for a few years and even enjoy it with a baby. Of course lots of people live in flats with children- though I'd say the majority of who do in the UK do so not through choice. But in years to come surely the OP will want a house- more friends move out, secondary school, a 2nd or 3rd child- why bother paying all that stamp duty and having all that hassle to end up with what you have now.

But a child who is climber who left unsupervised out would be able to climb over any size fence .
They only don't in normal garden because they know someone lives next door .

I definitely climb loads of place with my bunk bed ladder as a child ( I know that does not happen now.
But on the back of outside sofa and the little kids I quite tall.

Roof terrace and kids nooooooooooooo
When you have a choice.

Would I move from a house to a flat? Not unless I was forced to! Would you need to move to a larger property in the future? Can your kids play outside safely where you can open a door and see them? Would you want to have to carry shopping upstairs with a baby in a buggy? Can you get furniture up the stairs easily? For those reasons I would not do it, but you might feel differently.

She would probably want a 4 bed house in that buzzy area which is a lot more expensive than what she has now. and completely different. Just like how a 4 bed house in Kensington is completely different from a 4 bed house in Sutton.

And the majority of flats in Kensington are much more expensive than houses in Sutton.

I personally think you would be mad to move. Your house sounds great, especially for a child to have room to play in and lots of outdoor space too. You can always drive/get a train to the city.

I wouldn't.

Flats come with too many issues: service charge, leasehold, poor maintenance of common parts, noise, no outdoor space.

I would instead look at whether you can find a smaller house in a different location where you will be closer to amenities/more people.

Having seen photos, although I think your idea of moving to a flat is a sound one, I really wouldn't move to that flat. Roof terraces are TERRIFYING with small kids and you can't guarantee yours won't be a climber.

I live in a ground floor flat currently, and we had a top floor flat with our DD until she was six months old. We kept the pram on the ground floor in a storage space but it was a total nightmare getting up and down the stairs (51 steps) with the nappy bag and baby, let alone the shopping or anything else, and I’d had a c section, so it was a workout each time. I’d seriously consider ground floor, and flats in bustling cities are great with babies- can thoroughly recommend.

I actually think you mr current setup is just as much as issue....house over 3 floors so is the garden easily visible from the lounge or just from the kitchen meaning you have to sit in a kitchen to keep an eye on them when a little older and they are playing outside.

If it's 3 beds what's the layout - means if you have two children they may both be in a different floor. I had that but my youngest was 5 - not sure I would want that at 1/2 years old.

at least you probably lost the baby weight quickly!

That flat sounds gorgeous! We’re in a flat with a toddler and it’s fine – biggest plus is it’s lovely and warm as we’re at the top! Downsides are no outside space, but I’ve had dreams of a roof terrace like that one. You could secure it to prevent toddler escapades.

Things to consider:

• Lugging a pram up and down stairs if there’s no downstairs storage
• Service charges
• Sound insulation

I’d do it. Having access to baby classes / groups and general cafe culture has been a lifesaver for me.

I live in a flat in London Zone 3 and love it. You couldn't pay me to move to a house. We have parks nearby for outside space, and the best part is I don't have to do the garden. DC are grown now, but I lived in a flat when they were smaller too. Lower energy bills, less upkeep all round, everything on my doorstep...

Go for location. It will make such a difference to you to be able to go out and about. We have a flat with a garden, my son mainly races about inside and then wants to go out 'properly'. I find being near stuff to do and useful shops much more convenient and useful for my happiness than the suburbs. The flat sounds massive, as long as you won't be hauling too much upstairs you will be fine.

Plus in my ground floor flat I had to sit outside and wait for him to wake up as he was such a terrible sleeper I couldn't risk getting him up the step. So children destroy your best laid plans anyway.

And when your child is olde, they will be able to do more stuff by themselves more easily as you are near things

Having parks close by really isn’t a substitute for a decent sized garden that your children can play in. It’s a far bigger faff going to the park with young children than just being able to open the back door and let them go in and out.

Loads of people with young families live in first floor flats, of course, but there’s no doubt it’s a pain in the arse lugging a buggy/baby paraphernalia up and down stairs every time you want to leave home. I think the flat sounds like much harder work than a house.

I wouldn't.

"You are going to regret that when baby is sleeping in the buggy.
and when you have to carry the buggy up and down.
and when you are pregnant with second and can’t.
and then when you have the buggy, the buggy board, the scooter, a toddler, a baby and the shopping…"

I wouldn't like in anything other than a house now. Unless I won the lottery and then bought a flat in exciting European cities - Berlin, Ljubljana, Dubrovnik. Re the uk, I liked a garden for kids to play when younger. Now for a bbq. Covid taught us that no access to outside space has a detrimental MH effect on many.

Nothing scares me. Zero anxiety. But that roof garden looks dangerous. You take your eye off them for one sec and they climb over .... how far is the drop? Just no. Never. Not for me.

Yeah, we just wouldn't have been able to get any use out of that terrace for years. You never know what your DC is going to be like, of course, but assuming that flats with roof terrace access cost more, I don't think I'd want to be paying for an amenity I might not get the benefit of.

Oh I would have killed to have had a big flat like that with the roof terrace when mine were little. Raised 3 in council flats and now private flat with own garden...but always one floor up.

Of course its doable!

That terrace looks scary for a child, even with fences around.
You're isolated because the suburbs are family areas and you're childless currently. when you have a baby you will find that there is a lot going on for babies. A lot of city places are not child friendly, pokey little cafes don't like you coming in with your pram. Lots of noisy night life, young professional couples throwing parties and expecting no noise on weekend mornings won't make for good neighbours with screaming babies up from 4am. You should think about nurseries and primaries, too.
I would stay in the suburbs.

It's a huge problem that your husband works away. You'll be drowning in sleepless nights, endless nappies, washing up...etc. I would also consider which is closest to family support city or suburbs.

I live in a first floor flat (albeit rented not owned) and have done since DS was one. It's fine.

It's technically possible, because lots of people have babies in flats. But everyone I know who started a family living in a flat, regretted it and looked for a house as soon as they could. Reasons include struggling up and down stairs with lots of baby paraphernalia, or leaving baby to go downstairs for deliveries, and noise (from other people but also feeling self-conscious of your own noise). I think you are miserable where you are but this isn't the answer you think it is.

You will get to meet people though baby groups and if you do NCT classes/ antenatal classes so honestly think you will meet people. As far as coffee shops etc you start to use those less as less as children move to being toddlers as they don't want to sit still. It's hard to believe now but you just sit do the same things and living somewhere with access to woodland walks and national trust places tend to become more your go to.

Most flats are not big. There are a lot of 2 bed flats. I have to move area to find a 3 bed flat and this is in London (though I am still in north london). I think most families would need a 3 bed flat even if there is a baby cos you need another room for a home office or guest room or even just for storage.

Her flat seems bigger than a 2 up 2 down. That is generally what you would get as a house on the same kind of budget in my neck of the woods; though there are actually very few 'true' 2 up 2 downs as most people have converted their lofts and are selling it as a 3 bed house even though half of the loft conversion can't be used due to head height.

Hi @Thepotdog

I think you need to think about how long you think you're going to be in this flat - is at a 5 year home / 10 year home / forever home?

Also do you know how many DC you are going to have?

You can absolutely have a baby in a flat. I had my DC1 in a flat. It was a 2 bed. Great location, could walk everywhere, ground floor, communal gardens. Brilliant for mat leave.

We knew we wouldn't stay as we wanted more DC and we needed more space. We couldn't afford the house / space we wanted so moved towns. We moved to a 4 bed when DC1 was 2. This home was not our forever home but we needed good schools and we knew if we wanted to sell it we knew it would go quickly. We ended up there for 5 happy years and welcomed DC2 there.

DH got a new job, we moved areas to our forever home - more space, great schools - primary & secondary, great for commuting.

My point is you really need to think if this flat is short or long term -if it's long term does it have everything you need re facilities, space & schools. For the first few years the pram going up & down the stairs will be a ball ache but that will pass.

You do make loads of friends through NCT and baby groups