AIBU to have not given up my parking spot?

[KHR1606]

Sorry for the long post.....

I parked my car in the IKEA car park this morning. The bays next to me were for electric vehicles. I got out my car & went in the back to get my 18 month old DS out his car seat & to put his coat on. We then went to the boot to get his trike out. DS is stood next to me as I'm unfolding & securing the trike.

A woman then approaches me politely asking for my spot so she can charge her car. I look at the ground to see if I've parked in the electric bay. I see that I haven't & say "I can park here" she says, "I can too!" I politely say no because that'd mean me undoing the trike & putting it away then taking my son's coat off & putting him back in his seat then driving around for another spot. Just the thought of it wore me out! She offered to help but again I politely said I'm not willing to do it because it's just too much hassle.

The woman persisted & persisted & persisted, I'm not exaggerating. She kept saying I have an appointment & I need to charge my car. Again I said no. I said if I was without DS I would have given you my spot. She wouldn't stop asking so I got really fed up & shouted loudly, "Oh for f**k sake!" It's only then that she walked away to her car which was 2 bays away....... charging!!!!!

I didn't even realise her car was on charge because I was too busy getting DS in the trike. As I was strapping him in I heard her say "bitch", "evil", the sound of spitting but not actually spitting. All this time I was looking at DS's face talking & smiling with him. It's only when I was ready to walk off that I asked, "did you say something!?" She sarcastically smiled & said no!

She then went on again about it wouldn't have taken me long to move my car. I again repeated myself that I was parked in a suitable bay & I wasn't going to inconvenience myself & DS for her. I told her that being out with a child is sometimes difficult. She said I have a child too. I replied "Then you know! Stop being entitled!" All of this was being shouted. We had people looking at us.

I walked off and said have a lovely day!! It's only when I walked off & called my sister to vent that I realised her car was charging. Why the f**k did she want my spot then? Why ask a mother & toddler to move?
I'm glad I didn't move, especially after calling me a bitch and evil. She must not know about Jeffrey Dahmer if she thinks I'm evil!

I think your only mistake was talking to her again after you heard her muttering insults under her breath, that was the time to walk away and ignore.

You weren't in a charging bay so had no need to move but I see you've had the usual responses of "be kind". Why do women always have to quantify harm/ inconvenience whenever they refuse to put someone else first? And it's nearly always women reminding other women that we exist to be helpful to others, let's stop that shit.

yes.

YANBU.
I wouldn't have moved if toddler was out of car and she had no real justification for wanting space. You had as much right to it as her.
YANBU for saying you'd have to take coat off and put stuff back in car to drive around looking for space. You should never have a child in a coat in a car seat and accidents can still happen in a car park.

I don’t think the trike is appropriate for in ikea, yea you are using it as a buggy but ultimately it is a bike.

What a ridiculous comment.

“She just didn’t want to look for a space!”

But she had a space. So why would she want another one, if there wasn’t a specific reason for it.

YABU. I hate this “how dare you ask a mother and toddler to move” bullshit.

I have learned my lesson with something a bit similar to this…

Many years ago, I worked in an office that was in a residential area, and we all used to park in nearby residential roads. One day I’d parked up, and was dashing off in a rush as I was running late (as usual!) A man in a van asked me to please move my car as he was doing some work on the house I was parked next to. I told him no, sorry I’m running late and don’t have time. I heard him call me a ‘fing bch’ as I carried on walking, which rattled me but not enough to go and move my car.

As I drove off home from work that afternoon I noticed my steering felt strange. I pulled over to check and I had 2 flat tyres. Cost a fair bit to replace both tyres!!! Not to mention the hassle of calling RAC etc. I would much rather have been 10 minutes late to work!!!!

Since then I’d always move my car if someone really needed me to. Especially if they seemed angry!

She was going to stand in that space and save it for a friend she was meeting. Probably prides herself on being a woman who just gets things done and is very capable and sorts everything “here friend I’ve found you a space really near the entrance, quick get in it, without me you’d be circling this car park for hours wouldn’t you”
Her rage was because your non compliance threatened her whole self image
Maybe

Anyway I wouldn’t have moved either

I'd have just said to her "This space is convenient for me" and not have given the matter any further thought.

Oddly I did park in a normal bay next to the EV charging spaces at a motorway services a couple of days ago and spent a couple of minutes checking I wasn't in the wrong space. It was also near the entrance and really convenient for my DM who is in her 80s and who can't walk that far these days but who would not be eligible for a blue badge. If anyone had asked me to move so they can charge their car I'd have also politely declined.

Those of you saying she should have been nice/kind etc
Sometimes we need to be kinder to ourselves than a random entitled stranger.

Totally agree

i bet she was going to unplug the van that was charging to charge up her own car.

I also don’t imagine she’d have asked OP if her husband had been with her. A young woman with a baby is a soft target.

if the woman had been in need of a more accessible space and the disabled spaces were taken, then yes I’d have moved. But not for this.

She obviously meant a bloody push along trike 😂

The parking spaces at our local Tescos have electric charging spaces right in the middle of the row with ordinary parking spaces all around, both sides and the row in front. It's not well planned, if I parked in the space beside I would not move because they are clearly not charging spaces. I hope that helps those who think EV parking is by itself.

OP you have spent more time on this thread than it would have taken to move your car to help a stranger. If she already had a bay there was a good reason why she was begging you for your’s. Let’s hope that in your life you never have a reason to ask a stranger for help.

Things that really annoy me:
1.People not reading properly, it's clear you weren't in an electric charging parking space.

1. People saying be nice. What's nice about asking someone to move their car in a public car park FOR NO REASON?

Well done OP, YANBU
If people get their kicks from being door mats for random strangers, then more fool them.

She had probably nearly finished charging and wanted an easy swap to another place. She sounds entitled, and extremely rude. A bully. Well done to standing up to her.

YANBU.
A lot of people are overthinking this. No, you did not have to give up the space and you were not being selfish. Yes, the other woman sounded entitled and thought you were a soft target.
The only thing you did wrong was to continue the dialog after saying No.

For the be kind brigade - have you ever actually been to IKEA? Particularly near Christmas.

You’re suggesting OP take the time to pack back up to move without a guaranteed space (not the woman’s, hers was an actual EV space) in the name of kindness? That’s not kindness. It’s being a doormat.

The thing I don’t get - she wanted OP’s spot because the space next to it had the charger she wanted (which was occupied by a van), but she was parked at the other side of the same spot? Is that right?

There's a difference asking for help and EXPLAINING WHY, and just demanding something and being abusive when you don't get your own way.

The amount of people on this thread pretending to be on the moral high ground when actually condoning the bullying and abuse of a mother is quite something.

It degenerated into something awful but to be honest, I would have helped her in a heartbeat. I have 3 kids and I'd still have done it. There are different types of chargers and in your parking spot she may have been able to access a fast-charger. She was obviously wound up about being late, and you were stressed out with your little one if even popping them back in the car was too much.

she was unreasonable in how she treated you after you said no - she proved she didn’t deserve your help - I would forget about it - I know that’s hard sometimes

I don't have an EV, so I'm not completely clear how these bays work, but my assumption would be that there is one parking bay per charger unit?

If that's the case, and all the EV bays were full, then what would have been the point of the shouty woman moving to the OP's spot, as all the chargers would have been in use, unless someone else had parked in an EV bay and wasn't using the charger.

If the charging cables will stretch to another bay then it must cause confusion (and frustration) if someone pulls into a charging bay to find the cable is being used by another bay?

Is it possible to steal a charging cable from someone else's vehicle? If there was a van in the next spot charging but this other driver wanted to use OP's space to use the charger, is there more than one cable on a charger, or was she proposing on unplugging the van so she could plug herself in?!

So much about the other drivers request that doesn't make sense to me, but I don't have an EV, so not really sure how it works.

Things that really annoy me:
1.People not reading properly, it's clear you weren't in an electric charging parking space.
2. People saying be nice. What's nice about asking someone to move their car in a public car park FOR NO REASON?
Well done OP, YANBU
If people get their kicks from being door mats for random strangers, then more fool them.
She had probably nearly finished charging and wanted an easy swap to another place. She sounds entitled, and extremely rude. A bully. Well done to standing up to her.

^ This

The whole 'Be Kind' bullshit has created new levels of CFery (IMHO).

I'm not blaming you because I get into pointless discussions with people too. But afterwards I always think: "Why did I bother?"

You explained your good reason for not moving your car and you got your own way, so you should have just left her to call you a bitch under her breath. Especially since she was charging her car anyway. Why waste time explaining to her again? It's not like she was going to say on second thoughts you were right.

I'm all for doing people favours but sometimes I think: "I don't want to do that and we are not having a debate about it." It takes time to learn this and I sometimes slip into my old habits, but it really does make life easier and you feel like the adult. The child in me knows it's fun to walk off knowing that someone else is pissed off and can't do a thing about it.

The OP said herself the lady was polite ‘A woman then approaches me politely asking…’ so I am not sure what you are on about.
of course the woman should have explained why she needed that spot - but maybe she was too stressed out and her communication skills weren’t at their best.
It was awful the lady swore but the op was up for a bit if agro by walking past her and asking to confirm what she said - op had a baby with her she should have stayed quiet because she could have triggered another argument or worse.
I’d be furious at my partner if they had of told me they asked an angry stranger to repeat their swearing about me to me when I had our baby with me. What sound of mind mother does that?
Sure the op was in her rights not to help but if we all decided not to help others than it would be a pretty sad world.

I think this makes lots of sense, she obviously wanted to be able to not have to rush back and I'm guessing her appointment wasn't in IKEA either.

Op she sounds like a twat and I wouldn't have moved for her even if I didn't have my kids with me but as you had your toddler all out of the car then it's even more ridiculous of her to have asked you to move.

I am yet again surprised by the reactions one here, people who think it would be sensible to leave a toddler propped in a trike in the Ikea car park while you move your car, insane!