Photos of ex on Facebook

[BBY23]

Hi all! So I have been with my partner for over a year and we are expecting our first child. We have a great relationship and everything is perfect except for one little thing that niggles at me... he still has photos of his ex on his Facebook. Loads of them cuddled up etc. She was his first love, thought they would be together forever etc. I briefly expressed that I wasn't a fan of this earlier in the relationship but never said anything more on the subject however now that we are much closer and having our own little family I would like them deleted. AIBU to ask him to get rid of them?

I don't think he needs to delete his past relationship no, but it's not unreasonable to ask that he doesn't still react to them if they pop up. Are they still in contact? Other than this do you have any concerns? If not, I'd focus on the fact that they did break up, he's with you and has a child. He's chosen that.

He perhaps doesn’t think much about his old photos on FB. I don’t see the harm in asking but perhaps wouldn’t give it too much headspace as long as you trust him.

Why....it's his past? Unless he still seeing her now let this go op x

If he is sharing photos now then you have a point but otherwise they are part of his past and you can’t erase the fact he has a past.

I wouldn’t want to erase memories of my past experiences if I was him so I think you are being jealous and unreasonable personally.

But why get pregnant by a man who has photos of his ex up?

Deleting the photos won't delete the memories.

You can't ask someone to lock their past away in a box like it never existed.

YABU. It's his past, she existed. I could understand if he had photos in his house or something but not everyone can be bothered going back and deleting everything on Facebook.

I don’t see an issue with having the photos for the memories, provided there is nothing else to it.

However, out of respect to you, he should set them to private so only he can view them. Keeping them public or semi-public is weird.

I am very happily married with 2 young children. I still have all my photo albums on my FB from my previous marriage from holidays etc
DH doesn't care, I definitely wouldn't delete them, they're full of lovely memories of great holidays and me and exDH are still friends.

Depends, if it’s just a few amongst other photos of family/ friends than that’s ok… but If his Facebook page is like a shrine to his ex then that’s a red flag…

Is he still in contact with his ex?

Depends what you mean by on his FB - if the photos are in old albums hidden away on his profile I think you should let it go, it’s in the past.

If it’s his profile picture or main image across his profile, or he’s sharing/commenting on old pictures with his ex then that’s a bit odd.

If they’re just buried in old albums then I think yabu, there’s probably old pictures of my exes on Facebook if you really go looking but I’m happily married and in a relationship for over 6 years now

Yabu - he has a life you weren’t part of for a brief section. He isn’t with his ex but asking to get rid of photos is your insecurity talking. If I’d gotten rid of my old photos with an ex I would have very few of my father in the years before he passed.

I'm guilty of this too. I still have pics of my ex on Facebook but I have over like 1000s pics and to go through every single one to delete them is too much faff. I don't look at them or bother when they come up in memories.

For me it's laziness 😅

Having a baby with someone you've been with for just over a year? Eek, also who cares its the past.

Your being ridiculous. He has a past why should it be deleted!

my husband has a child with his ex and there a loads of photos of them when the child was born/baby etc then as a family.It’s a huge part of his past, I’d never ask him to remove them.

This is interesting to me as my current partner has some photos up of his ex on his his Facebook. From years ago. I've only discovered them while having a little spy on his socials at the start of our relationship. I never mentioned anything to him and it didn't bother me at all. OP, I think if your secure in your relationship and you trust your partner and know what he no longer has feelings for the ex. You would let it go. I'm sure I have some old photos with an ex in my phone, I don't want to delete it as they are memories but if it did make my partner feel uncomfortable, I would erase them.

I still have photos of my ex on Facebook and I've been married to dh for 12 years! I mean, tbf, I don't think any of them are more than just photos of us on holiday, nothing more than that, but I wouldn't delete them. They're my photos. I'm also still friends with this ex (and his now wife, who is lovely) on FB too.

There's nothing weird about it.
Are people meant to pretend that previous relationships never happened?
Treat exes as if they are some kind of dirty little secret?

Whatever years they were together for, at that time their relationship was as real & valid as is OP's relationship now.

Asking him to delete the pics is the weird part.
So high-handed, so controlling ...

But @Spacebears - YOU are unbothered by your partner's pics - which is healthy & great. So why the hypothetical double standard for him?

If a partner felt uncomfortable because I have photos of previous men, & felt they could tell me to get rid of them, I would erase the partner, not the pics.
I find it sinister that somebody 'new' comes along & feels entitled to dictate what memories their partner is allowed to keep - who the fuck are they, to issue orders? It's like a dictator, choosing to erase history they disagree with.

AIBU to ask him to get rid of them?

Maybe he should get rid of everything he owned before he met you OP.
You wouldn't want him reminiscing over a pair of jeans he bought before you came along - might give him Notions of freedom ...

I was thinking this. I really don't think you can ever know someone well enough in just a year to consider spending the next 18 years tied together with a child.

I am married for the second time - my old wedding pictures and my DH's old wedding pictures are still on FB as well as all our holiday memories etc. Why delete them? It happened.

I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t keep photos of his ex on display in his home after the relationship ended so why keep them public online for the whole world to see? Nor would OP be unreasonable for being upset if he did display such photos at home.

And I never said to delete them but to set them to private. He can look at them whenever he wants but he shows publicly that he has moved on out of respect to OP. It’s also respectful to the ex who might not want to be associated with him anymore if things ended on bad terms.

Who would want their dating history to be on show to the whole wide world or any new friends they make anyway. That is truly weird. Do people have no sense of privacy?

By all means discuss these things or show photos if they are relevant to the conversation at hand but displaying them constantly as part of your current identity is strange. The relationship has ended, move on.