Photos of ex on Facebook

[BBY23]

Hi all! So I have been with my partner for over a year and we are expecting our first child. We have a great relationship and everything is perfect except for one little thing that niggles at me... he still has photos of his ex on his Facebook. Loads of them cuddled up etc. She was his first love, thought they would be together forever etc. I briefly expressed that I wasn't a fan of this earlier in the relationship but never said anything more on the subject however now that we are much closer and having our own little family I would like them deleted. AIBU to ask him to get rid of them?

Because I don’t care. I’m literally about to delete my account. Every time I make one, I get dragged into an argument with someone who has too much time or too little brains.

I'm sure I'm going to be told it happens every second of every day but do cyber criminals really go searching for old birthday pictures on random FB profiles in the hope of spotting a 30th birthday balloon. Anyway you can just use the function that allows you to see what your profile looks like as a stranger to make sure you don't have anything compromising in public view.

OP I think YABU, people can't erase the past. I used to have similar issues but am a little bit older and less insecure than I was.

His past is what made him the man he is today, why the need for him to deny his past?

Maybe FB unfriend him, then you won't see the pictures.

Hurrah!

I’m literally about to delete my account. Every time I make one, I get dragged into an argument with someone who has too much time or too little brains.

But you pride yourself on being a techie, logical type. How have the statistical odds about common denominators not occurred to you about this? 😂

My friend's ex got married last September. They broke up in 2018. There are still lots of pictures, 4-6 years old and more, of them together, out with friends etc. It doesn't mean anything except he hasn't bothered to get rid of them.

Are you being judgemental that's she shes having baby after a year? Seeeeeesh.

If you don't like seeing them (and can't stop yourself from looking at them), you could ask him to change his settings so they aren't visible to you.

When I split from someone I'd been with a while, I sat and removed all the photos online of us. I didn't want them to be out there anymore for the public to see, because I wanted to move on. I was single at the time. Fast forward a few years and I met my kids Dad. He had photos still on his facebook with exes, I asked him to remove his exes from facebook as for me facebook is like a public mantle piece (for want of a better example). He removed them and that was that, we started our life together free from the knowledge that noone could find any old pictures of him snuggled up with any other woman but ME. I'm not jealous, we have a solid, trusting relationship, for me it's about putting out there what you want the public to see. We can control our facebooks, yes it happened, and the pictures will always exsist, but I think it's nicer if noone can stalk you and find your exes (gross haha). We now have 2 kids, and I think it'd be weird if they saw pictures of me snuggling up to some other dude who isn't Daddy and vice versa. Ask him to cull his facebook, it's the right thing to do. Show the world it's all about your family now, put the past where it belongs - in the trash 😁💖

I still have the photos of my ex husband and my most recent ex on Facebook - why not? They were part of my life and therefore memories 🤷‍♀️ not in touch with the ex but am in regular contact with exH as we co-parent DD10

Unless there's more to this and they're still messaging/meeting up/flirting then I think YABU

It’s his past, you can’t delete the past. You can erase the photos but you can’t erase his memories. That woman will always be his first love, and if they have any kids together then she’ll always be his baby mama. You need to learn to deal with that. I know loads of people on Facebook who delete their past every time they get a new baby daddy. Deleting wedding photos etc because they’re with the next one now. I have one person who calls his gf the same cringy pet name he called his wife for 4 years 😂

Is there any sign of your relationship with him on there? If not that would be a huge thing for me. If people know you are together and she is the past then not so much.

Depends on the context really.

the ‘first love, together forever’ thing makes it sound like they were quite young.

If he is now 20 and you got together a month after they split, I can see why you’d be a bit insecure

If he is now 30 and this was all a decade ago, less so

With all due respect I think you need to grow up. They're not pictures of the present they're of the past. He's starting a family with you and you say the relationship is going well. Let this go else you're going to ruin something over silly social media...

@ILoveeCakes How dare you???? Not all of us single mums have made that decision, my DH was killed. You nasty, judgmental thing

Reported

Why do you keep calling them "these people"? You mean your childrens family.

Do these photos pop up or are you scrolling through old pictures and getting upset?

I’m very sorry for your loss, but what that poster said obviously doesn’t apply to your situation.

People spend too much time worrying about stupid things like Social Media and not enough caring for what truly matters... He can't erase his past, photos are old, move on.

I agree with this.

Also - you've been together just a year and are having a baby? I think you may face bigger hurdles than some old photos, so don't make this a hill to die on.

Why are you not confident enough in your relationship, to accept that he has a past? What's wrong?

My Husband has a past too, he has ex's ...they are what made the man I married. 🤷🏼‍♀️

FGS OP put your big girl pants on and tell him to get the pictures off FB! You can’t be coy with someone you’re having a baby with

I was with my husband for 13 years - 3 kids later and in the last few months, I’ve found out that I never really knew him at all and he’s a massive asshole to put it politely.
So although a year is quick, I spent 13 of them and still didn’t properly know him. 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP - I do understand your feelings, however, I wouldn’t give it much head space lovely.
He chose you, you are going to have a baby together, you don’t get much more commitment than that lovely.

Congratulations on the baby, sending hugs xxx

Having old photos of his ex on Facebook is not a red flag at all on its own. As you can see from this thread, many people have loads of photos of past partners and they arent still secretly pining away for them and its no big deal.

However, if he is doing other things that have made this an issue for you- eg. constantly mentioning her all the time, accidently calling you by her name, comparing you to her, texting her, phoning her, stalking her online, trying to find out from mutual friends who she is dating etc then yes the photos are a very big red flag.

When trying to discern stuff like this, you look at general patterns not one singular thing to figure out its meaning. If he isnt doing any of the above then really, just let this go.