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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you feel about this?

24 replies

Elfontheshelf97 · 04/12/2022 22:56

Just wondering as I’m not sure how I feel about it now I’ve found out. I have been sleeping with a man over two decades older than me, and found out last time I saw him he has a daughter the exact same age as me, would this make you feel weird if it was you?

OP posts:
Newwardrobe · 04/12/2022 22:57

Yes it would put me off him.

Cr3ateAUsername · 04/12/2022 22:58

🤮🫣

ReallyTiredAndHungry · 04/12/2022 22:59

Depends if this is a casual arrangement or not,

if it was casual I’d not care as long as the sex was good etc.

ComtesseDeSpair · 04/12/2022 23:00

If I’d made an active decision to date a man old enough to be my father, it wouldn’t then really bother me to discover that he was indeed the father of somebody my age.

minou123 · 04/12/2022 23:01

Did he lie about his age?
Did he shave loads of years off, or only a couple?
For example, Did he say he was 40 instead of 50?
Or did he say he was 48 instead of 50?

NotToBeShaked · 04/12/2022 23:02

It would put me off he hadn't told me earlier, but he's over 20 years older than you. Are you really shocked he might have a child your age ?

Berlinlover · 04/12/2022 23:02

I was involved with a man who had two daughters older than me - two years older and three years older. It didn’t bother me at all.

ReallyTiredAndHungry · 04/12/2022 23:02

minou123 · 04/12/2022 23:01

Did he lie about his age?
Did he shave loads of years off, or only a couple?
For example, Did he say he was 40 instead of 50?
Or did he say he was 48 instead of 50?

Why do you think he lied about his age?Confused

AnonWeeMouse · 04/12/2022 23:03

Ick.

SkylightSkylight · 04/12/2022 23:05

Nope, because I'd have assumed that was likely when I first started seeing him. When I was about 26 I started seeing a lovely bloke who was 20 ish years older than me & his adult children were only a couple of years younger. He fancied ME, not how many birthdays I'd had!

we split up amicably & sadly because he had no desire to have any more children. So nothing to do with the age gap or his children (age gap indirectly I suppose)

BrightBlueFlamingo · 04/12/2022 23:06

But you knew he was at least two decades older than you................🤷

Aquamarine1029 · 04/12/2022 23:07

It really didn't occur to you that he might have a daughter your age?

neighboursmustliveon · 04/12/2022 23:08

ComtesseDeSpair · 04/12/2022 23:00

If I’d made an active decision to date a man old enough to be my father, it wouldn’t then really bother me to discover that he was indeed the father of somebody my age.

This. How has it come as a shock to you that a man old enough to be your father has in fact fathered someone your age?

I wouldn't date anyone that old as it would feel icky to me.

SpinningFloppa · 04/12/2022 23:09

Yeh but I wouldn’t sleep with a man 20 years older than me though so 🤷‍♀️

minou123 · 04/12/2022 23:30

ReallyTiredAndHungry · 04/12/2022 23:02

Why do you think he lied about his age?Confused

Show quote history

I may have mis- read the Op.

I thought she meant she had just found out he was 2 decades older and he has a daughter the same age as her.
Like a double whammy! 😁

That's how I read it at first.

LaughingCat · 04/12/2022 23:35

No, it wouldn’t weird me out. If someone is over two decades older than me, I’d probably have assumed he had a kid my age from a first marriage or something.

But then, I’m not attracted to men or women that much older than me - I have this weird cut off point that starts about a year younger than me and extends to about a decade older at most - I’ve just never been that attracted to anyone older than that even when I’ve not known their age, so it’s never come up for me before.

If you’re attracted to him and like him, then really finding out he’s got a daughter your age is just another thing to laugh about in future - ooohhh…maybe you could end up with a Gloria/Claire dynamic going on! 😁

PonyPatter44 · 04/12/2022 23:40

Since the OP hasn't cared to share any relevant information at all, I'm going with completely unreasonable. Casual stag old enough to be your dad has child same age as you.... not surprising at all, sorry.

Afterfire · 04/12/2022 23:45

If he’s that much older than you surely you can’t be that surprised?!

Icanflyhigh · 04/12/2022 23:46

Eww

PurpleButterflyWings · 04/12/2022 23:47

If this man is over 2 decades older than you, why on EARTH are you so faux shocked that he has a daughter the same age as you ??? FFS 🙄

Stompythedinosaur · 05/12/2022 00:18

Yeah, it would put me off.

Testina · 05/12/2022 00:30

PonyPatter44 · 04/12/2022 23:40

Since the OP hasn't cared to share any relevant information at all, I'm going with completely unreasonable. Casual stag old enough to be your dad has child same age as you.... not surprising at all, sorry.

“Casual stag” 🤣

Silverstreaks · 05/12/2022 07:59

You've posted, so it obviously makes you feel weird.
Find out if you look similar. If you do end it.

thelobsterquadrille · 05/12/2022 08:18

I mean, if you find it weird, you find it weird - but IMO it's hardly surprising that someone twenty years your senior could have adult kids.

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