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Original poster

Missing the noisy, chaotic Xmas's of my childhood

111 replies

Unglamorousgranny · 04/12/2022 21:50

Not an AIBU but just voicing my thoughts. Anybody miss the Xmas's of the old days? When I was a child in the 70's nothing was open on Boxing Day & it was great. Instead it was a mad, chaotic day & long night round my grandparents & they loved it. Aunts, uncles, cousins, some great aunts, uncles & second cousins as well as us. Everyone used to sleep on the floor as not enough beds, plenty of "emergency chairs" as Peter Kay puts it. Now the older ones are all gone, my generation of the family are all spread out & got their own adult dc & dgc so it's too much to get together. Now the shops are rammed on Boxing Day & that extended family time seems to have disappeared. After a lot of illness this year I wouldn't even have the energy for it this year anyway. Trouble is cos of the adverts, celebs going on about having lots of family round to celebrate I get FOMO a lot! I'm grateful for who I have here on Xmas Day, (dh, ds, dm) & dd & her family in the morning. No plans Boxing Day. What went wrong, why has it all changed? Anybody else feel sad for the old days?

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 04/12/2022 21:52

I agree. I remember going to family parties when I was a kid, now we don’t see our extended family.
Sales start on line on Xmas eve, and next opens about 5am on Boxing Day. It’s sad.

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 04/12/2022 21:57

I remember usually opening gifts, but most I remember is going to my nan and grandads where as you say, aunts, uncles, cousins, all congregated for Xmas dinner.

It was my mum's side of the family as my dad was from another country.

So many happy memories.

I would love to do the same but with in-laws and other family politics, its just not the same.

It's probably because now more people drive, more people have to work on Xmas day or are in work on boxing day, it's just a different time now and I'm not a 'jumpers for goalposts' type of person, but the world has changed so much from the 70s, 80s and even 90s.

Santoo · 04/12/2022 22:01

So true - why have family parties disappeared?

UrsulaPandress · 04/12/2022 22:02

I moan about this regularly. Growing up we had Christmas Day at our house, Boxing Day at my Gran’s and New Year’s Day at my Aunts. Then the order would move on one the next year. There were daft games and lots of hilarity. I could weep that my DD has never had this.

But she’s never known any different.

Saltywalruss · 04/12/2022 22:04

Santoo · 04/12/2022 22:01

So true - why have family parties disappeared?

Lots of people just want to celebrate " with their own little family". They have a definite idea of what they want Christmas look like and don't feel able to compromise.

Sweetlikechocolate6 · 04/12/2022 22:05

I remember both sides of families mixing and people staying over and visiting all day now I feel everyone is so precious about keeping Xmas Day for their immediate family . I also remember most of the kids in my village would be out playing or swapping Xmas toy stories during Xmas Day as well . It all seemed a lot happier . I definitely miss those days

Womencanlift · 04/12/2022 22:08

Agree OP. What you described was exactly my childhood but it also included New Year where Black Lace’s greatest hits was played on repeat 😂

Agree with pp that many people now think that their little nuclear family is enough and don’t think of wider family as family. It’s very sad.

Luckily my family is still quite close, not as close as when we were kids but still have smoky get togethers across the year and they are great

Movingsoon21 · 04/12/2022 22:09

I agree! No idea why they are dying out, it’s such a shame!

UrsulaPandress · 04/12/2022 22:10

My quiet Christmas is all to do with location. No one left living near me.

Comedycook · 04/12/2022 22:11

I agree. I remember sleeping on the floor in my cousin's bedroom on Christmas Eve...so excited.

Reading the threads on here, people now seem obsessed with spending Christmas with just their immediate family. It's very odd to me.

Fairislefandango · 04/12/2022 22:11

We still always have big family Christmases and none of us ever go shopping on Boxing Day. It wouldn't occur to me tbh! We tried doing Christmas with just the 4 of us and it was pretty boring.

Moonlightsonatas · 04/12/2022 22:11

I really miss it. I live far away from a lot of my extended family as me and DH moved for work. We have young kids now and only get a few days off work so it’s just not practical travelling. C’est la vie but it always makes me a little sad at Christmas time.

Yankeedoodlemandy · 04/12/2022 22:12

My childhood Christmases were v quiet. Myself , sibling and parents . No extended family .

lollipoprainbow · 04/12/2022 22:12

Yes definitely, Christmas felt so much more magical in the old days and crazy with family. Now we are a very small family and I miss it so much.

Howeverdoyouneedme · 04/12/2022 22:13

It’s the other way round for me; I didn’t have a lot of family but now I’ve a large one and we all see each other. I will say this though. What people remember as a child isn’t the truth for everyone. There will have plenty of adults (women) facilitating those get togethers, but not enjoying them.

ShirleyPhallus · 04/12/2022 22:13

Saltywalruss · 04/12/2022 22:04

Lots of people just want to celebrate " with their own little family". They have a definite idea of what they want Christmas look like and don't feel able to compromise.

Show quote history

Sorry but this is such an odd way of looking at it. Why should anyone want to spend time doing things they don’t want to, especially at a time of year which is so busy anyway and is the only time of year where most people can properly switch off.

Im probably the generation below you OP and I feel completely the opposite of you. I remember parties like this when I was a child and I hated them, always longed to be able to just play with my toys id had for Christmas and instead had to sit in some aunties house on a hard chair / the floor being too hot, playing games I didn’t want to play and being kissed on the lips by some pervy old uncle

I am very much now of the opinion that I want to do Christmas my way, with my “little family” (so patronising). We spend quite a lot of weekends throughout the year visiting family across this country and others. I don’t want to spend my own Christmas sleeping on lumpy beds in other peoples houses or making my own children spend their Christmas or Boxing Day driving for hours across the country.

Instead, we celebrate with wider family (siblings and parents) in the days between Christmas and new year. Extends the festivities and means we are all nice and relaxed over Christmas.

Anna783426 · 04/12/2022 22:16

My husband's family had these until relatively recently, always a massive buffet, charades etc - always relied on two women doing an awful lot of shopping and preparing, both of whom looked stressed all day and exhausted at the end of it. I don't miss them at all...

Comedycook · 04/12/2022 22:16

I find people very strange about Christmas nowadays. There's been a definite shift in people's attitudes. As an example, I know a lovely woman in her fifties with no DC. Her parents are dead. She has one sister who is married with a DC and who point blank refuses to spend Christmas with her sister as she wants Christmas day with just her dh and dc. I mean, is this not the most weird, joyless thing you have ever heard.

Mischance · 04/12/2022 22:17

I have lovely Christmases at my wonderful kind DD's place. She has the biggest space and they are incredibly good hosts - there will be 14 of us! I get one of the spare beds - the benefits of being grandma! - I could not get up from the floor anyway!

The children look forward to it so much - the cousins all get on great and look forward to seeing each other. I am widowed so would be on my own if it were not for my wonderful family. I am very very grateful for this blessing. My heart goes out to those on their own, if not by choice.

HelloBunny · 04/12/2022 22:17

Yeah. Loved it, as a kid. All of my aunties., uncles, cousins etc... I remember one Christmas Eve my parents having friends & family around for a knees-up. We were all up, when one of the adults announced that they could hear Santa’s sleigh & reindeer hooves on the roof. Well, we were up the stairs in a shot. While they continued partying downstairs. Good times!

LimeCheesecake · 04/12/2022 22:18

Also miss it. My brother doesn’t have dcs and wants to spend Christmas just him and his DP, DHs brother is a whole story but we don’t see their family now, my parents have retired overseas and as they came back in November won’t be back in December (seem to prefer to do Christmas alone). PIL don’t like noise and mess so will see us a few days later for a civilised lunch… so it’s just our little family, which so many on here would love. And knowing the alternatives we have in our extended families, is the best option, but yes, I think the dcs are missing out on that family party vibe I had as a kid, it’s just not an option with the families we have in this generation.

StarDolphins · 04/12/2022 22:18

Probably be side everyone works SO much these days so the few days they get off at Xmas, it’s no practical to be travelling round the country & lots are spread out. My aunt, uncle & cousins used to live39 mins away but now live over 4 hours away. I only get 3 days off between.

mondaytosunday · 04/12/2022 22:21

Well let's just remember as kids all we had to do was have fun, maybe help out a bit but mostly we were off school and it was a fun fun exciting time.
Now we are the adults and the world has changed. But Christmas means budgeting and chores and juggling work etc. People have passed away or moved away and it's harder. I don't live in the same country as my siblings, though pre covid we went over there every other year (and will go next year).
Entertainment is now on tap - you don't need to leave your house to see the latest film, go to the shops or buy groceries. And people get precious with their time too. My son is working Christmas Eve and day after Boxing. So will be with us less than 48 hours.

Autumnmoonshines · 04/12/2022 22:23

We have those xmas’s now. I also was lucky enough to have them when I was a child.

If we go to my in laws it’s 17/20 ish for Christmas dinner. Loads of kids, cousins grandparents.
Buffet tea! Very traditional 😄

Boxing Day, same thing but roast beef 🤣 games, movie maybe for the older kids, playing with their presents, some of the adults having a snooze on sofa.

but we do all live within walking distance (1.5 miles max) so we can do this.

DuchessOfLegoland · 04/12/2022 22:24

We didn’t have big extended family parties when I was a kid on the 80s. It was always just Mum, Dad, siblings and my Nan.

But we did have a more sociable time with our neighbours. One set of neighbours always had us round for a drink on Christmas Eve (and gave us kids loads of sweets!). My mum always had another set of neighbours in for a drink late Christmas morning. And another neighbour had a New Years Eve party for all the neighbours every year.

That sort of sociable scene doesn’t happen where I live now.