Missing the noisy, chaotic Xmas's of my childhood

[Unglamorousgranny]

Not an AIBU but just voicing my thoughts. Anybody miss the Xmas's of the old days? When I was a child in the 70's nothing was open on Boxing Day & it was great. Instead it was a mad, chaotic day & long night round my grandparents & they loved it. Aunts, uncles, cousins, some great aunts, uncles & second cousins as well as us. Everyone used to sleep on the floor as not enough beds, plenty of "emergency chairs" as Peter Kay puts it. Now the older ones are all gone, my generation of the family are all spread out & got their own adult dc & dgc so it's too much to get together. Now the shops are rammed on Boxing Day & that extended family time seems to have disappeared. After a lot of illness this year I wouldn't even have the energy for it this year anyway. Trouble is cos of the adverts, celebs going on about having lots of family round to celebrate I get FOMO a lot! I'm grateful for who I have here on Xmas Day, (dh, ds, dm) & dd & her family in the morning. No plans Boxing Day. What went wrong, why has it all changed? Anybody else feel sad for the old days?

No, I don't miss that, because I have that. Not as a kid, but now.

Usual MN perspective...I don't have this so I assume no-one does.

Because Christmas is not owned by or particular for Christians. Get over yourself.

I am back to the noisy people filled christmas this year after a couple of covid christmases. Im dreading it. Quite enjoyed only have 6 or so people for the last 2 years.

I had Christmases like that as a child. I didn’t particularly like it -I was a rather solemn child and we only got to see our cousins and aunt once a year, so it all felt very unfamiliar. I was very ill at ease with it all. Nowadays, I live hundreds of miles from relatives and I work shifts, so don’t even get Christmas Day off, this year at least. We can’t go anywhere, as few trains as well.

People are far less social now I think...they don't really need to be around people like they used to as they can feel a part of a community online thanks to social media. I was picking my DD up from an activity last week and there were about ten mums waiting outside. Not a single one spoke to another. Every person was looking at their phone

I really miss the big family gatherings too. Christmas to me means lots of people and everyone getting together. There's a big age gap between myself and siblings and naturally my cousins too as they all had children at a similar time of life and they all talk about the good old days which saddens me as it didn't last long for me. We will see aunties and cousins one of the weekends before xmas but everyone does their own thing over the actual festive period. We asked in laws to come to us xmas day with my parents but they declined- they don't really like xmas and find it all too much 'fuss.' DH is an only child so no extended family on that side, his auntie spends it alone. I would gladly host everyone here but inlaws wouldn't hear of it. They prefer a quiet lunch. That's not what xmas is about to me. Inlaws and parents get on as we sometimes go for lunch together at their suggestion and they go round for a cuppa on their own after visiting us although that seems to have stopped since covid. I think it's almost become too acceptable to just 'do what you want to do.' For one day, I think people should be able to compromise. Dd is only 4 but she keeps asking why they're not coming for xmas and keeps saying but is everyone coming? Will everyone be here? She loves having her family all together.

Lots of people live far away from family due to affordability of housing and needing to relocate to get on the housing ladder. Plus all those pandemic relocations!

Then they’ve got to travel to do the big family Christmas but trains are an absolute shitshow at the best of times, trying to get out of Euston for example with a suitcase and a bag of presents on the last working day before Christmas is like the fucking Hunger Games.

And the cost is ever more prohibitive – particularly now. Even if you’re not catching a train you’d have to pay for petrol or charging your car, £££££.

Finally, Covid and lockdown christmases gave everyone a breather from the transport and stress and showed what a quiet at-home Christmas could look like.

You need to look up the origins of what is a winter festival and how it was hijacked by the Church, as was Easter, Whitsun etc because people wouldn't give up their feasting and celebrating.

yeah we had this but i now know my mum did the whole prep - as a kid it was amazing for me but my mums view is very different

Ah, you’re looking at through the rose-tinted spectacles of childhood. You won’t have picked up the under-currents: exhausted mum; new wife/husband feeling uncomfortable; teenager/young adults longing to escape etc.

We still have that family Christmas and I love it, grandparents, aunties uncle's cousins, sometimes a random friend with nowhere to go. We play games and kids stay up. I think it is down partly to living close to each other

For all those saying it would have been so stressful for the women organising Christmas then, actually I think there’s more stress (and definitely more expectations) these days.
In my childhood Christmas there was no “days out” to be booked and paid for, which often seem to be booked months in advance and cost a fortune! (I don’t do them but read about them on here). No mountains of presents, we had a couple of presents and a net stocking with chocolate in, that seemed standard amongst all my friends. There was no silly elf on shelf (which seems to create a lot of work), no Ist of December boxes, no Christmas Eve boxes.
All the adults and kids chipped in with shopping and chores. The big house clean up was done by us kids, my brothers got the tree and decorations out of the loft and we all put them up. Some of us would go on the big food shop to help with that. And visitors never arrived empty handed! My Granny was chief washer upper and liked to dance to the Christmas music whilst she did it! And I liked to dry up as it was fun watching Granny!
Basically many hands made light work.

We have that family Christmas. I'm the oldest of 4 who all have children of their own so 8 cousins ranging from 17 to 1. Generally we have 20+ people for Christmas lunch.

It is lovely in many ways but
a) we have the room - we can provide table and chair space for everyone
b) last year I cooked a large turkey, a large goose, a ham, a vegetarian option, peeled 100 potatoes and 3 bags of carrots, did all the extra veg and trimmings - it was a fairly solid day of cooking on Christmas Eve which meant I couldn't go to the Carol service I'd planned to get to.
c) DH and the BILs are helpful, but we were washing up stuff which couldn't go in the dishwasher on Christmas Eve at midnight and up again at 6 on Christmas Day.
d) my mum and DH's mum are both disabled so need help and two siblings have toddlers (and one has a Labrador) so there is constant tidying, cleaning, helping people with bathrooms etc

It is hard work. I'm glad my children have a chance to do this, but am really looking forward to having Christmas 2024 in New Zealand.

Christmas has always been a small family affair for me. Usually just my parents and my sibling, occasionally my grandmother would join us.

If anything, we celebrate Christmas with more people now than we did in the 70s. It's usually me, my children, maybe my brother and a random assortment of friends in varying numbers.

I don't miss it but there is one thing I probably agree with you that I would like to see happen- shops closed on December 26th.

Completely agree. Growing up in a single parent household we didn’t have much, my weekend dad used to spoil me, I’d see him a few days before and his presents would go in to the pile, and then me and Mum would pack up all the presents and the cats into their boxes and go to Nan and grandads house about 20 miles away for at least a week, sometimes 2. It was glorious. There was always cupboards full of chocolate oranges, and twiglets, and bowls of nuts. Tacky multi coloured decorations everywhere. We’d go to midnight mass and I’d be allowed a glass of sherry when we got back.
Christmas Day I’d have a sack full of little bits and pieces in the morning(the sack was always a floral pillow case); art stuff, dolls, socks, pjs. Then we’d always have a fry up at 7am . Christmas dinner was at 1pm on the dot, all cooked to precision by my ex-naval chef grandad. Then we’d have to watch the queens speech, and only once that was done were we allowed the main presents under the tree(I’ve kept this order of events in place for my kids, sack in the morning and main presents after lunch).

I’m actually dreading this year, all the kids are either at their other parents or are working in the restaurant industry, my eldest is doing dinner at his house with his girlfriend for the first time ever, just the two of them, which is lovely but I’ll miss him!

Yes can totally relate to this!

I had a big extended family so Christmas and Boxing Day was always spent at somebody’s house with loads of cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents. Kids everywhere. I loved it!

My grandparents have passed, all the cousins have grown and we seem to live all over the place now, contact has drifted and very few of us have our own kids.

My 2 DCs Christmasses seem so quiet in comparison and I’m a little sad they don’t get to experience what I had.

For those saying “what’s stopping you?” Physically not having big families near by!

a couple of generations having only 2 dcs, my brother doesn’t have any dcs. My cousins live other end of the country now. Also couple of generations having dcs older means that grandparents are elderly and not really up for hosting.

there were 7 cousins close in age when I was growing up, (plus another couple who were 10 years older) the various nuclear families would have Christmas lunch in their own homes then all go to my Nanas house for a party tea. My dcs just don’t have that sort of family structure.

Christmas is the only time of year I have a pang of regret for stopping after dc2.

Actually thinking about it - my 2 much older cousins probably had a very different set of memories of Christmas - when they were children, they were the only ones in the family, it might have been rather boring to have been brought to a grown up get together, then when they were old enough to enjoy the grown up party, it changed into a toddler-fest!

@Unglamorousgranny oh yes! They were bloody fantastic - either my Mum or either set of grandparents did Christmas dinner complete with a lot of booze, ABBA, Led Zep, crackers, Morecambe & Wise, The 2 Ronnies, bloody Wiz of Oz etc etc and then we shared Christmas Eve & Boxing Day and on Boxing Day the projector would come out and we’d all look at old family slides!! My uncle would visit from overseas, we’d tolerate my Dad’s sister and everyone would be inclusive and fun for a whole week - Mum would always get me a sparkly Christmas dress and there would be the obligatory Christmas Day political row about all sorts because my parents were Labour and my Mother’s Dad a staunch Tory.

I think now because so many women work full time and bloody hard they are less willing to take it all on - also, bloody kids on gadgets - less love of playing a good board game or sitting around with the entire family watching a cheesy film although I know a lot still do.

I think people all mucked in with each other more back then - far too much naval gazing and consumerism now it sucks. For me personally, I work in healthcare and always have to work through Christmas and New Year, my Dad & both sets of Grandparents have passed, my cousins live in DC and Stuttgart, my uncle is in Germany and ancient and my ex will be having the kids at his Dad’s on Boxing Day - we will be at Mum’s this year as I am doing a half shift on Christmas Day and 12 hours on the 23rd and 24th - happy days ;)) We will all still help each other out and have fun though - Merry Christmas 🌲🌲🎄🎄

I miss them too. But living in the expensive South East, our working class family ending up spread across the entire country this generation since none of us could afford to live where we grew up.

We've all got kids now. We don't all drive. None of us have homes with a spare room or any space to sleep even using the floor. Some of us have health issues. Plus living hours away for years means we don't know each other anymore. There's no stay at home parents either, so no one has the time to organise or plan anything. Modern life killed the extended family for us.

I am an only child, no cousins of my age locally. I remember my mother's family parties and I hated them. Christmas was such a rush - open presents, off to church, mum and granny in the kitchen for hours then lunch. After lunch (which I didn't enjoy) all the grown ups would sleep and I was raring to go!

Then as a teen we moved to a larger house and my mother released her inner hostess! Still the same rush in the mornings - presents/church/lunch - and then mum would gather up any waifs and strays for a party on Christmas evening. So all afternoon would be spent clearing up after lunch and setting everything out for the evening. Boxing day would be the same. By the 27th I was desperate to get out of the house just for a bit of peace!

As soon as I got married I opted out of the party life.

People used to socialise with aunts/uncles /cousins much more in the 70s and 80s - in my experience anyway. Nowadays, we are much more likely to choose friends over family. Seeing family is more of a duty, ime.

We still have a houseful, and also have 2 parties planned here in the week before Christmas. We don’t have anyone sleeping on the floor, thankfully.

We always hunker down for that week between Christmas and new year and don’t go to any shops. The thought of heading off to a sale on Boxing Day is anathema. Long walks and pubs only!

I am the opposite OP. My parents worked in hospitality so by the time Christmas came, they were knackered. We had no real extended family so it was pretty quiet. I had a lonely childhood in general which is probably why I have gone on to have 4 DC myself. I love being part of a bigger family now.

I got together with DH when I was 17 and have spent every Christmas with his family (with a combination of mine too sometimes). There is always at least 12 of us and we take it in turns to host. It can be hard work but I love it. We always see other family and friends between Christmas and New Year. I would never attend Boxing Day sales, I can't understand why anyone would to be honest. It can all wait one extra day.

I had this a bit growing up, lots of cousins, aunts and uncles. But, now it would be edging towards my generation being the ones who host and fund these huge family get togethers I am actually glad it's just me, DH, DD and the older SC for part of the time. We don't have to due the trundling about visiting in-laws anymore either (live nearby in a care home now) and I really don't miss that either!