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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Missing the noisy, chaotic Xmas's of my childhood

111 replies

Unglamorousgranny · 04/12/2022 21:50

Not an AIBU but just voicing my thoughts. Anybody miss the Xmas's of the old days? When I was a child in the 70's nothing was open on Boxing Day & it was great. Instead it was a mad, chaotic day & long night round my grandparents & they loved it. Aunts, uncles, cousins, some great aunts, uncles & second cousins as well as us. Everyone used to sleep on the floor as not enough beds, plenty of "emergency chairs" as Peter Kay puts it. Now the older ones are all gone, my generation of the family are all spread out & got their own adult dc & dgc so it's too much to get together. Now the shops are rammed on Boxing Day & that extended family time seems to have disappeared. After a lot of illness this year I wouldn't even have the energy for it this year anyway. Trouble is cos of the adverts, celebs going on about having lots of family round to celebrate I get FOMO a lot! I'm grateful for who I have here on Xmas Day, (dh, ds, dm) & dd & her family in the morning. No plans Boxing Day. What went wrong, why has it all changed? Anybody else feel sad for the old days?

OP posts:
jevoudrais · 04/12/2022 22:27

My childhood christmases were just immediate family. We didn't live nest anyone else. I do like a quiet Christmas tbh. It goes so fast and I want to enjoy a slower pace.

MechanicaHound · 04/12/2022 22:31

I had Christmasses like those as a child, and I'm pleased to say my kids are having Xmases like that.

On Xmas Day

FeedMeTiramisu · 04/12/2022 22:32

Yankeedoodlemandy · 04/12/2022 22:12

My childhood Christmases were v quiet. Myself , sibling and parents . No extended family .

As a kid, we went to family for christmas and there was always a big new years eve party to go to. Now families have moved away/or abroad or have died and nc with others. Christmas is now me an dh and two young dd. We have our traditions etc and we try to make it fun and we dance etc but I worry they will look back one day and think it was always boring

Pyri · 04/12/2022 22:35

Comedycook · 04/12/2022 22:16

I find people very strange about Christmas nowadays. There's been a definite shift in people's attitudes. As an example, I know a lovely woman in her fifties with no DC. Her parents are dead. She has one sister who is married with a DC and who point blank refuses to spend Christmas with her sister as she wants Christmas day with just her dh and dc. I mean, is this not the most weird, joyless thing you have ever heard.

You’re hearing one side of the story. Maybe she’s nice to you but her sister thinks she’s awful. Maybe you could invite her to spend Christmas with you if you think she’s that lonely?

MechanicaHound · 04/12/2022 22:35

On Xmas day, after church we went to my granny and grandads, and two sets of uncles, aunts and cousins were there. We cousins had the best time, playing together. Then in the evening, as my granny loved music, we would all sing carols. This was all my mum's side of the family.

Then on Boxing day we would do it all again, with my dad's side of family. They were more into board games, but there would often be music too.

Today we do similar at my parents' home - so my kids get those magical times with their cousins.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 04/12/2022 22:36

House parties in general are pretty much a thing of the past. Sad times.

tunnocksreturns2019 · 04/12/2022 22:37

Anna783426 · 04/12/2022 22:16

My husband's family had these until relatively recently, always a massive buffet, charades etc - always relied on two women doing an awful lot of shopping and preparing, both of whom looked stressed all day and exhausted at the end of it. I don't miss them at all...

Yeah, I did an online shop for 9 people to last 10 days last Christmas, blew my mind a bit 🤯🤣

We will be with extended family and I am grateful despite me shouldering a lot of the work as I’m widowed and the DC and I enjoy the company. My only complaint is that my siblings haven’t produced any cousins for my DC yet 🤣 and DS’s adhd is a pain for both him and us. We will see late DH’s side of the family in the run up to Christmas too, and have a new year party with friends.

So pretty sociable, just missing the love of my life, and the anniversary of his death is in December 🎄😭🎄

thepenismightier · 04/12/2022 22:41

OP, same here. We had madhouse Christmases in the 70s/80s - aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins etc etc etc. They all descended on us as we had the biggest house, though even then there was some doubling up/sleeping bags etc. It was brilliant. My DC have only ever known very small Christmases. We'd then go to another relative for Boxing Day, and another aunt's for New Year's Eve, where we cousins would have a mammoth game of Murder in the Dark. Happy days.

tsmainsqueeze · 04/12/2022 22:45

Yes , i miss my childhood Christmas's too.
Our day started off with my next door neighbors ,who were like a nan and grandad to me coming round and my dad giving them a tipple.
Then real nan and grandad coming for christmas dinner , so much magic , love and warmth and looking back so much simpler than now.
Then at some point over christmas big loud family gatherings ,my cousins would come and we would dress up and entertain the adults and sometimes play murder in the dark.
Loads of food ,always a homemade trifle.
I think everyone thinks they should be doing lots of christmas activities in the build up , just so stressful , give me the 70's everytime.

dancinfeet · 04/12/2022 22:49

stopped inviting extended family over between christmas and new year when we didn’t get a single invite back in over 8 years. Clearly we weren’t important enough to be included. Every year for the past 16 years it’s just been myself and my two DDs

dancinfeet · 04/12/2022 22:51

I remember big family christmases with mum and dad, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews for christmas dinner and various other relations / family friends calling in over christmas day and boxing day. christmas now is very different

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 04/12/2022 22:53

Ah. I used to love big family Christmas parties with cousins we didn’t see very often. I remember playing the hat, gloves & scarf game where you had to roll a six to cut up a slab of chocolate!

FatOaf · 04/12/2022 22:54

When I was a child in the 70's nothing was open on Boxing Day & it was great.

When I was a child in the 70s, many shops opened on boxing day for the first day of the "January" sales. Where did you live?

TheAirbender · 04/12/2022 22:54

I’m from a big, big Irish family, (now most of the family being here in England). We used to have these big christmases, often renting a 3 nearby holiday homes for us all to stay in.

I hated it. Hated being away from our home at Christmas, hated the forced company of cousins, hated the huge rounds of present opening, hated food cooked by anyone but my Mum! Found the days before and after Christmas so tedious. LOVE being just us four, at home for Christmas, in our little house. Will give it up for no-one!

Slimjimtobe · 04/12/2022 22:54

We have Christmas on our own (myself dh and the 2 dc) and we visit Christmas Eve but I love the day just us

my parents create drama & dh parents won’t leave their house (go to in-laws literally next door)

I don’t feel close to dh side really and he doesn’t feel close to mine (even after 15 years it’s just formal chat and everyone keeping their guard up and talk about work etc )

no thanks

Thelondonone · 04/12/2022 22:57

I am an only child and live 300 miles away. Only ever did parents and grandparents, no one’s house was big enough for cousins. However, in that there London we have a massive Christmas Eve lunch and Boxing Day party and a big new year do-with our mates. Parents and siblings are invited but they fit in with our ‘matey crew’. It’s bloody brilliant.

Oneofthosewsillydays · 04/12/2022 23:01

'If we go to my in laws it’s 17/20 ish for Christmas dinner. Loads of kids, cousins grandparents.'

We are definately not all the same, as I would hate this!

Thecat19342 · 04/12/2022 23:06

My son, 8, would absolutely love a "home alone" (first scene - chaos over the pizza delivery) Christmas but he has no cousins, the aunties and uncles he does have live at the other end of the country or abroad & work. So Christmas is usually the five of us (if both dh & I have the day off from work) and sometimes the MIL for a couple of hours on the morning. It's very quiet and I do (sometimes!) miss the busyness of a traditional family christmas & that hum of chat & laughter.

Growing up I had Christmas at my grans - she had 4 dc who all had 3+ kids each, I do remember the aunties & mum never worked so they had Christmas off it meant we could stay at my grans for a couple of days. I do love that we can pick & choose when we eat now, watch a film without people talking over the top and the kids can open presents straight away without waiting for cousins to wake up (or after dinner!)

Womencanlift · 04/12/2022 23:07

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 04/12/2022 22:53

Ah. I used to love big family Christmas parties with cousins we didn’t see very often. I remember playing the hat, gloves & scarf game where you had to roll a six to cut up a slab of chocolate!

This has evoked a deep, hidden memory of a Christmas party in a church hall cutting up a Mars bar 😂😂😂

rc22 · 04/12/2022 23:25

I was thinking about christmas in the 80s when I was a child earlier actually. On christmas day, we'd have at least one set of grandparents and a collection of great aunts and uncles round. On boxing day, we'd have a big gathering with my aunts, uncles and cousins. I'm 45 and have no children. My DH is an only child. My brother is 43 and single with no children. We've lost touch with most of our cousins. No animosity - just drifted after grandparents died really. I love the chilled, quiet christmas we have now but feel a bit sad that I'll probably never have that big, noisy family christmas again.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 04/12/2022 23:28

I think people are just more spread out now......not generalising but I have friends who live on council estates where generations also live, often on the same street..I seriously envy them, they have family ties and set ups with generations of friends all living and growing up together often on the same street. My family connections and ties don't even compare.

Obviously that isn't because they live on a council estate, but there's a lot to be said for putting family connections above moving away to bigger and better things and leaving that support network behind....... We should be asking ourselves who are we really doing it for ?

KangarooKenny · 05/12/2022 07:15

I think living close together, like people did years ago, makes a difference. Adults could have a drink and walk home.
My nearest in-laws are a 1 hour drive away, and I wouldn’t want to spend the day with them anyway !

ballroompink · 05/12/2022 07:24

Yep! My PILs live 3.5 hours away. My DPs are soon moving to the other end of the country. Mine and DH's siblings all live between 2 and 4 hours away. We can do the 'big family Christmas' but it's not possible to see everyone over the course of two days. Even growing up we didn't live near aunts/uncles/cousins etc. so we always saw both sets of grandparents but there was never any of this '20 people for dinner' stuff. And tbh that sounds very stressful!

Ifailed · 05/12/2022 07:25

I can't help laughing at the idea of hosting dozens of adults and children as guests in a typical 3-bed new build today! I can only assume that many of the posters here had at least one family member with a massive house & an unlimited budget who were able to hold such gatherings.

Comedycook · 05/12/2022 07:27

there's a lot to be said for putting family connections above moving away to bigger and better things and leaving that support network behind

I agree so much with this. The only relative I live close to is my sister and her family. I really hope mine and her kids live close enough when they're older that they will be in each others daily lives. On both sides of my family I have people living in different countries and parts of the UK. One branch of the family left the UK decades ago...I haven't met my cousin's DC. We're friends on Facebook but they are not really part of my life. I wonder if it's worth it all in all. Conversely my best friend has a very close, large local family. She's one of the happiest people I know.

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