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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder how does she do it?

59 replies

Comedycook · 04/12/2022 20:52

So last week, I had to go round to a friend of a friend's house to pick something up. I'd never been there before. She has two teenage kids and a preteen. I have two DC 12/14. Her house was immaculate. I don't just mean clean and tidy, I get that. Lots of people are like that. I keep my house clean enough. But I mean not a single sign that her kids lived there apart from photos on the walls. Admittedly I stayed downstairs and didn't venture up...but nothing that would make you know that she had kids. So right now if I go down to my hallway, theres a hairband and gloves on the table in my hallway. Or my Ds hoodie hanging over a chair. In the kitchen, my ds sliders are by the back door. My DD loves drawing, so there may be a drawing and pack of pens on the side. There's usually a phone charger laying around. How does she do it? My only thought was she never ever sits down! Are other people like this? Zero signs of kids in a house with kids? I'm not a hoarder and try to keep my house in reasonable order but if you came round, there are things laying around that would make you know kids/teens live here.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 04/12/2022 20:53

She cleans as she goes and has stricter rules with her children cleaning as they go/taking mess to their rooms.

Notimeforaname · 04/12/2022 20:53

Possibly better/more storage. Who knows.

ColdHandsHotHead · 04/12/2022 20:58

How happy are her kids?

Brainfogmcfogface · 04/12/2022 21:00

Your house sounds much nicer i much prefer a lived in home to a show one

Original poster
Comedycook · 04/12/2022 21:01

ColdHandsHotHead · 04/12/2022 20:58

How happy are her kids?

They seem very lovely and totally normal.

She works too. I'm a sahm.

I mean nothing...not a pen on the side or a hair elastic! How?! If I had to remove all detritus of family life from my house, I'd never sit down...

OP posts:
Original poster
Comedycook · 04/12/2022 21:02

Brainfogmcfogface · 04/12/2022 21:00

Your house sounds much nicer i much prefer a lived in home to a show one

No...hers was definitely nicer 😂

OP posts:
Workyticket · 04/12/2022 21:04

Our house was like that when we were kids. I hated it - even our bedrooms were immaculate. If anything was left out my parents would stash it in our record players... even if records were in there so they got ruined

Merlott · 04/12/2022 21:04

Very strict

Spends a good chunk of time cleaning

Partner also v strict..!!!!

There's no real magic to it's just strictness and time spent.

Personally I just cba with the level of control and time needed to achieve it...! And partner couldn't give less of a F so I'd be doing it on my own.. goodbye free time!

HintofVintagePink · 04/12/2022 21:04

Oh here we go. Another ‘her home is tidy so her kids are miserable’ thread.
Possibly she has more storage, less clutter, picks up as she goes along, gets her family to do their share?
Or perhaps as she knew you were coming she tidied up downstairs as she cares quite a lot about what people think of her home.

bakewellbride · 04/12/2022 21:06

I am a fairly clean and tidy person but would hate living somewhere where I couldn't even put a simple hair band down without someone whisking it away and putting it straight in its proper place.

Your house sounds far better for kids imo op.

Original poster
Comedycook · 04/12/2022 21:06

here we go. Another ‘her home is tidy so her kids are miserable’ thread

God, sometimes I hate these boards. You can't bloody ask anything without people kicking off and misunderstanding what you're asking.

OP posts:
Beanbagtrap · 04/12/2022 21:07

My hallway is currently covered in marvel action heroes and glitter.

BarbaraofSeville · 04/12/2022 21:08

Merlott · 04/12/2022 21:04

Very strict

Spends a good chunk of time cleaning

Partner also v strict..!!!!

There's no real magic to it's just strictness and time spent.

Personally I just cba with the level of control and time needed to achieve it...! And partner couldn't give less of a F so I'd be doing it on my own.. goodbye free time!

This.

Plus upstairs could be a bombsite. Or she could have a policy where she bins anything she finds out of place. No-one will leave hoodies, phone chargers, trainers etc out of place if they lost them when they did.

Never sitting down and probably not being able to relax until the house is spotless isn't exactly something to aspire to.

declutteringmymind · 04/12/2022 21:10

Cleaner?
Maybe a helpful partner? You're wrong to assume she is the house proud one.

Good support system?

My friend worked full time and her mum and dad used to get the kids ready and fed and to school for her, pick the kids up and cook her dinner and do her ironing and lots more. His parents did the same the other half of the week. Lucky ducky

Don't waste your time figuring it out, it sounds like you're doing better than most.

shivawn · 04/12/2022 21:10

Did she know you were coming? I'd normally do a big tidy and hide any clutter or mess if I knew someone was on the way.

JudgeRindersMinder · 04/12/2022 21:11

I’d go with her kids having been well trained from a young age so it’s just how they are…We’ve just had our house made very open plan and I’m having to try to retrain myself to not leave stuff like hairbands lying about…it would be easier if I’d always had slightly (a lot) higher standards

MarkBright · 04/12/2022 21:12

ColdHandsHotHead · 04/12/2022 20:58

How happy are her kids?

Again! It's perfectly possible to be tidy and happy!

BabyofMine · 04/12/2022 21:13

I love peoples immaculate houses but I don’t get the “no sign of kids” thing. My friends house is immaculate, she spends a lot of time cleaning, tidying and decorating and takes great pride in it. BUT there are the children’s outdoor wear neatly stored in the hall cupboard, drawings very neatly displayed, things like that that make it very clear that children live there too. I think it’s weird when people don’t want signs of their children living in the house.

Original poster
Comedycook · 04/12/2022 21:14

JudgeRindersMinder · 04/12/2022 21:11

I’d go with her kids having been well trained from a young age so it’s just how they are…We’ve just had our house made very open plan and I’m having to try to retrain myself to not leave stuff like hairbands lying about…it would be easier if I’d always had slightly (a lot) higher standards

Well yes, it's not just my DC, I often leave bits and pieces round the house. Nothing major, but I'm reading a book and it's on the hallway table because I was reading it in the car and brought it inside. There's a pack of face wipes on the side of the sofa that I will take up to the bathroom later. If I never had a single item out of place, I'd have to use up my entire brain power in doing so.

OP posts:
Twizbe · 04/12/2022 21:15

We're that family.

We have a playroom where all the kid junk goes. We also have LOTS of storage so the junk is hidden.

That and both DH and I like a tidy house. We tidy as we go and are teaching the kids to do the same.

Their bedrooms are a different matter though. DS' floor is covered in Lego.

TheTeddyBears · 04/12/2022 21:18

Aw my house used to be like that pre kids. Now I work about 10 times as hard and it's only nice for short periods before they start messing it all up again! Although mine are 5 and just turned 3. I'd like to think my house will be better in future but I don't see it ever getting back to that level of lovely and tidy/clean pristine.

I imagine she must be very strict and the kids know not to leave a thing out in sight. She probably also cleans and tidies a lot! Maybe also has a cleaner too for the bigger jobs.

I have a friend who has a house like that though and she does have fairly young kids. They are 7 and 4 she also works part time. I dunno she just was always such a tidy person even as a teen her room was immaculate. Mine was a shit tip. I can see it in her kids too they just always look so clean and well turned out. I think it's just how she is naturally but she does do a lot of cleaning/tidying!

HintofVintagePink · 04/12/2022 21:19

Comedycook · 04/12/2022 21:06

here we go. Another ‘her home is tidy so her kids are miserable’ thread

God, sometimes I hate these boards. You can't bloody ask anything without people kicking off and misunderstanding what you're asking.

No misunderstanding and hardly kicking off. Within the first few posts there’s a question about how happy her children are.

What answer are you looking for? She’s better at life than you? She has a magic wand? She probably dashed and stashed like most people do when relative strangers are coming round.

Annabananna1 · 04/12/2022 21:21

And did it still feel homely?
I feel a bit uncomfortable when it's TOO clean and tidy.

Rachaelrachael · 04/12/2022 21:22

My house is an absolute dump most of the time (I have a 3 and 1 year old) but this is my best kept secret and its spotless whenever I have visitors 😄

Original poster
Comedycook · 04/12/2022 21:23

HintofVintagePink · 04/12/2022 21:19

No misunderstanding and hardly kicking off. Within the first few posts there’s a question about how happy her children are.

What answer are you looking for? She’s better at life than you? She has a magic wand? She probably dashed and stashed like most people do when relative strangers are coming round.

Show quote history

I never suggested her kids weren't happy nor did I hint at that. It wasn't why I started the post.

I was just wondering and it's is quite light hearted I thought, but yes, of course, I'm shit at life and she isn't.

OP posts: