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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder how does she do it?

59 replies

Comedycook · 04/12/2022 20:52

So last week, I had to go round to a friend of a friend's house to pick something up. I'd never been there before. She has two teenage kids and a preteen. I have two DC 12/14. Her house was immaculate. I don't just mean clean and tidy, I get that. Lots of people are like that. I keep my house clean enough. But I mean not a single sign that her kids lived there apart from photos on the walls. Admittedly I stayed downstairs and didn't venture up...but nothing that would make you know that she had kids. So right now if I go down to my hallway, theres a hairband and gloves on the table in my hallway. Or my Ds hoodie hanging over a chair. In the kitchen, my ds sliders are by the back door. My DD loves drawing, so there may be a drawing and pack of pens on the side. There's usually a phone charger laying around. How does she do it? My only thought was she never ever sits down! Are other people like this? Zero signs of kids in a house with kids? I'm not a hoarder and try to keep my house in reasonable order but if you came round, there are things laying around that would make you know kids/teens live here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Comedycook · 04/12/2022 21:24

Annabananna1 · 04/12/2022 21:21

And did it still feel homely?
I feel a bit uncomfortable when it's TOO clean and tidy.

It felt homely because it was decorated nicely and was comfortable...just zero sign of life really

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 04/12/2022 21:26

My question isn't how does she do that but why would she want to?

Some art supplies and a hoodie aren't radioactive waste. I like a lived in house.

Original poster
Comedycook · 04/12/2022 21:26

I have lots of friends who have no kids and live like that...I understand that. But, three teens, surely one of them has left some football boots in the hallway or slung a jumper over the bannister!? Or left a school book on the table?

OP posts:
BMW6 · 04/12/2022 21:28

Annabananna1 · 04/12/2022 21:21

And did it still feel homely?
I feel a bit uncomfortable when it's TOO clean and tidy.

Lol at "homely" - that translates to "shit tip" 😂

Original poster
Comedycook · 04/12/2022 21:30

Lol at "homely" - that translates to "shit tip

Well there's various stages between immaculate show home and hoarders from hell

OP posts:
Pjsandhotchoc · 04/12/2022 21:31

Comedycook · 04/12/2022 21:26

I have lots of friends who have no kids and live like that...I understand that. But, three teens, surely one of them has left some football boots in the hallway or slung a jumper over the bannister!? Or left a school book on the table?

Yes, they probably have left things lying around, and she’s cleaned them up or put them away. Or they have?
I know you’ve replied to a PP saying you’re not insinuating they’re unhappy but what exactly are you asking then?
How does she do it? She spends a lot of time tidying and cleaning. Or her husband does. Or she has a cleaner.

I personally don’t value a tidy home enough to dedicate a lot of time to it. I do half hour max a day, tidy round and hoover, big clean Saturday morning and that’s it. But I’d never ask how someone else keeps their home cleaner and tidier. It’s fairly obvious they just spend more time than me doing it.

Pallisers · 04/12/2022 21:32

to be honest, my house might have been like that back in the day when the kids were little. We have a lot of storage and I like knowing where things are. We had baskets for library books/books/toys/art supplies. So everything had a place. There would have been the odd thing left in the kitchen etc. and the kids rooms were different but in the kitchen/living room etc. there really wasn't a lot of clutter. I grew up with a LOT of clutter and as a result neither my sister nor I have cluttered houses - even when we had young kids

wellholygod · 04/12/2022 21:34

My house is not fancy by any stretch, v plain and lived in with ware in tear. I do however keep it really clean and live by the mantra everything in its place and a place for everything. I hate clutter and things left lying about. I work full time and spend my time at home sorting stuff and putting stuff away. I really hope it’s not impacting my children or I’m not damaging them by living this way. I can’t live any other way

Original poster
Comedycook · 04/12/2022 21:35

It's not just about being clean though...I get some people clean a lot. I just can't get into the mindset of people who don't have a single thing out of place. I'm not talking heaps of clutter...but not even a pen on the sideboard or a hair scrunchie left on the table. Do they think about it all the time? It must be exhausting!

OP posts:
Pjsandhotchoc · 04/12/2022 21:40

What is it with the repeated mentions of no hair bands or scrunchies anywhere? I don’t leave hair bands around either as I lose them, they always go straight in the bathroom when I take them out.
I think your friend is just good at storage and tidying. It’s not as alien as you’re making out!

TortolaParadise · 04/12/2022 21:41

Maybe she pays for cleaning services?

stuntbubbles · 04/12/2022 21:41

Comedycook · 04/12/2022 21:14

Well yes, it's not just my DC, I often leave bits and pieces round the house. Nothing major, but I'm reading a book and it's on the hallway table because I was reading it in the car and brought it inside. There's a pack of face wipes on the side of the sofa that I will take up to the bathroom later. If I never had a single item out of place, I'd have to use up my entire brain power in doing so.

Show quote history

Whereas my brain gets very unhappy at clutter and mess and ends up focussing on it so I can’t relax, daydream, read, whatever – and it takes zero brain power for me to do a tidy. It’s automatic. You’re just different people!

I’m currently physically fucked with PGP and completely unable to deal with the things that are out of place and it’s making me miserable and stressed. Whereas when I’m physically able, I can minesweep the house tidy, top to bottom, in a very short time and get on with other things.

Key in our house is: kids can make as much mess in their bedrooms and playroom as they want, but if they run out of floor space they need to tidy up to make more room to play, not drag the mess through the rest of the house. Major decluttering and keep on top of it – stuff sneaks in. Autopilot tidying: I genuinely don't notice I’m doing it (until now, when I can’t 😭).

Plus: I just feel happier and more relaxed when there isn’t hairbands, toys, DP’s abandoned post, random detritus about the place. You obviously feel happy with the wipes next to you on the sofa and don’t sweat it. And that’s fine! Why compare?

Freddosforall · 04/12/2022 21:42

I know 3 people with houses like that. 2 of them have anxiety about their house. They're lovely people but need their house to look perfect at all times. They'd prefer to be able to chill out a bit as a mug on the side stresses them out. The third has a cleaner for 3 hours on a Friday and I always go round on a Friday! She says she lasts until around Saturday lunchtime with it all looking immaculate.

Original poster
Comedycook · 04/12/2022 21:42

Pjsandhotchoc · 04/12/2022 21:40

What is it with the repeated mentions of no hair bands or scrunchies anywhere? I don’t leave hair bands around either as I lose them, they always go straight in the bathroom when I take them out.
I think your friend is just good at storage and tidying. It’s not as alien as you’re making out!

I put my hair up and down throughout the day depending on what I'm doing. So I don't dash upstairs to the bathroom or my bedroom everytime to put it away.

OP posts:
MusicstillonMTV · 04/12/2022 21:42

I had a neighbour like that. She was lovely so I asked her once. She said: look around, each room has floor to ceiling storage. She opened a cupboard and it was full of stuff!

She just didn't have anything visible, everything was inside a basket inside a cupboard

stuntbubbles · 04/12/2022 21:43

Don’t people put the hairbands/scrunchies round their wrist?

Original poster
Comedycook · 04/12/2022 21:45

Actually I think I found it easier to keep my house clean and tidy when my DC were little...they'd go to bed early so I'd do stuff then. Now, my eldest goes to bed at the same time as me ffs.

OP posts:
DuplicateUserName · 04/12/2022 21:45

My only thought was she never ever sits down!

Was that really your only thought, rather than she had a tidy round before you got there maybe?

TrotOnMinty · 04/12/2022 21:47

There are lots of cultures where children aren’t dragged up in pigsties. “Too busy making memories to have a clean house” seems to be a very British thing.

Original poster
Comedycook · 04/12/2022 21:48

TrotOnMinty · 04/12/2022 21:47

There are lots of cultures where children aren’t dragged up in pigsties. “Too busy making memories to have a clean house” seems to be a very British thing.

Bit of an odd comment. I think there's a middle ground between immaculate and pigsty

OP posts:
stuntbubbles · 04/12/2022 21:48

My only thought was she never ever sits down!
Put pen in pen pot/drawer/stationery cupboard/wherever pens are routinely kept in your house, sit down. If you don’t have masses of clutter to start with, and everything has a home, it’s not a full-time endeavour.

WoodsInWinter · 04/12/2022 21:50

Lots of storage.

I do a ‘visitor tidy’ aka, shove everything into a cupboard or drawer or even the spare room (ironing ;) ) before any visitors arrive.

Brandybucks · 04/12/2022 21:52

Monica cupboard?

Josette77 · 04/12/2022 21:53

I put things away as I go. I don't think it's unusual. Hair band goes on my wrist or in my pocket

mondaytosunday · 04/12/2022 21:55

I have a friend like this. She works full time and has a teenage son, a partner (who does nothing in the house) and his grownup son living there. You would think the place is a show home. She is obsessive though - her dog had one of its toys on the sofa and she said she could not go to bed without tidying it away. I couldn't live with that amount of perfectionism.

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