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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That she couldn't come to my birthday but she could go abroad?

54 replies

Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:31

Invited my friend to my 30th with 3 months notice. I live northern UK she lives South UK. Friends of 10 years. Offered her to stay at mine to save money on hotel which she was pleased about. Generally we'll visit each other about twice a year. 2 days prior to birthday she tells me she feels ill and can't come. Morning of she tells me she feels better but timings are too tight for her to now come (3.5 hour drive)
She then goes abroad (long haul, far away destination) 3 days later. Did she just not want to come? Has talked to me regularly and normally since. Would you say something? I feel a bit hurt.

OP posts:
ChiefWiggumsBoy · 04/12/2022 20:32

I’m not sure how you think the two are linked?

Original poster
Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:33

Because she was too ill to travel 3.5 hours but well enough to travel 14 hours.

OP posts:
IAmTi · 04/12/2022 20:34

So 3 days after your birthday she went on holiday?

Plumbear2 · 04/12/2022 20:34

3 days later she probably felt much better. Why should she miss her trip abroad as well as your birthday?

IAmTi · 04/12/2022 20:34

Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:33

Because she was too ill to travel 3.5 hours but well enough to travel 14 hours.

But 3 days later?

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 04/12/2022 20:35

She went on holiday 5 days after first feeling ill and 3 days after she started to feel better? That sounds plausible to me. When you start to feel better you are not immediately sure if you can manage a 3.5hr drive, which could easily become a 4hr drive which isn't great if you are not sure if you are well and might need to drive home again.

Nordix · 04/12/2022 20:35

I don’t really get it? It sounds reasonable to me. She was too ill to do a long drive up North (didn’t wake up and get sorted on time as she was ill). Three days later she goes on holiday.

Did you expect her to cancel her holiday?

Original poster
Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:35

I can't see how 3 days makes that much of a difference

OP posts:
Simonjt · 04/12/2022 20:35

If you were ill three days before a holiday would
you cancel the holiday? I was ill at last week, I stopped feeling unwell on Friday, what would stop me going on holiday tomorrow?

theedgeofalorry · 04/12/2022 20:35

Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:33

Because she was too ill to travel 3.5 hours but well enough to travel 14 hours.

yeh, 3 days later Confused

IAmTi · 04/12/2022 20:35

It's like you didn't want her to go and have a lovely holiday. Very odd.

upfucked · 04/12/2022 20:35

But the travel of 14 hours was 3 days later. If I was ill 3 days before travelling on a long haul holiday then I would be staying at home and try to recover quickly.

Nicknacky · 04/12/2022 20:35

But it was three days later. I would be dragging myself on holiday!

MolesOnPoles · 04/12/2022 20:35

Presumably the LH trip was booked a long time before, and would have been a much bigger thing to lose (money, time and fun frankly) than your BDay.

IAmTi · 04/12/2022 20:35

Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:35

I can't see how 3 days makes that much of a difference

Depends what she's ill with

Whataretheodds · 04/12/2022 20:36

If she was feeling a bit unwell or rundown or otherwise not ready for her longhaul trip it's not that strange that she would prioritise it over travelling down for your birthday, though i understand how disappointing that is to acknowledge.

Original poster
Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:36

Ah okay thats fine, I was wrong. Thank you guys. I'm glad it sounds like she didn't just not want to come :)

OP posts:
Gillyx · 04/12/2022 20:38

She said she felt better the day of but wouldn’t be able to get there in time with the long drive. So I would think if she was already feeling better, them three days after she would be ok to go on holiday.

redtshirt50 · 04/12/2022 20:38

it would have been impossible and very costly for her to cancel a long haul holiday 3 days before?

And I assume she’ll be there for over a week, so even if she feels slightly I’ll for the first few days she’ll still have lots of days to enjoy

YABVU

Lovageandrose · 04/12/2022 20:39

Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:35

I can't see how 3 days makes that much of a difference

Are you having a laugh? Biscuit

Original poster
Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:40

I've replied saying I was wrong and I'm glad. Thank you x

OP posts:
CaptainMerica · 04/12/2022 20:40

Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:35

I can't see how 3 days makes that much of a difference

Really? Have you never been ill before?

AbreathofFrenchair · 04/12/2022 20:40

Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:33

Because she was too ill to travel 3.5 hours but well enough to travel 14 hours.

Eh? She wasn't too ill to travel, she told you she was feeling better. She couldn't travel as money was tight.

Irrelevant about the holiday as I'd guess that was pre booked and paid for so makes no different on her current money troubles. She might want to save the travel money she would spend visiting you for car parking at airport or taxi fare.

She gave you a reason. You don't have to like it or believe it and you are free to unfriend her. Would you have preferred her to have missed the holiday too?

magicalorange · 04/12/2022 20:42

Simonjt · 04/12/2022 20:35

If you were ill three days before a holiday would
you cancel the holiday? I was ill at last week, I stopped feeling unwell on Friday, what would stop me going on holiday tomorrow?

This.

YABU op. She's probably paid a shitload for her holiday, if it was me I'd skip travelling across the uk for a birthday party to make sure I was rested and fit for my holiday.

You're being daft.

MajorCarolDanvers · 04/12/2022 20:42

3 days later. Seems reasonable to me.

I'm amazed that you can get from South UK to Northern UK in 3.5 hours how on earth do you manage that.

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