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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That she couldn't come to my birthday but she could go abroad?

54 replies

Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:31

Invited my friend to my 30th with 3 months notice. I live northern UK she lives South UK. Friends of 10 years. Offered her to stay at mine to save money on hotel which she was pleased about. Generally we'll visit each other about twice a year. 2 days prior to birthday she tells me she feels ill and can't come. Morning of she tells me she feels better but timings are too tight for her to now come (3.5 hour drive)
She then goes abroad (long haul, far away destination) 3 days later. Did she just not want to come? Has talked to me regularly and normally since. Would you say something? I feel a bit hurt.

OP posts:
Original poster
Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:43

Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:40

I've replied saying I was wrong and I'm glad. Thank you x

See above thank you

OP posts:
openinggambit · 04/12/2022 20:44

I don't see why you think the two things are linked?

There was three days between them and she had already told you she was feeling better but it was too late to make the drive.

Unless you think she was lying about feeling ill?

abblie · 04/12/2022 20:45

On same day or day before I would be in your side or maybe she didn't have enough money to do both and going abroad was more appealing

openinggambit · 04/12/2022 20:45

Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:36

Ah okay thats fine, I was wrong. Thank you guys. I'm glad it sounds like she didn't just not want to come :)

Nobody is saying that. People are saying it's perfectly possible to be ill one day and not ill at all/feeling much better three days later.

vincettenoir · 04/12/2022 20:47

You are legitimately sad that your friend could not make your birthday.

The whole holiday thing is a red-herring. You are just turning your sadness into anger which is not an uncommon response.

This was just unfortunate timing. It might be comforting to find someone to blame in the short term but this could be damaging to your friendship in the long term.

Original poster
Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:48

vincettenoir · 04/12/2022 20:47

You are legitimately sad that your friend could not make your birthday.

The whole holiday thing is a red-herring. You are just turning your sadness into anger which is not an uncommon response.

This was just unfortunate timing. It might be comforting to find someone to blame in the short term but this could be damaging to your friendship in the long term.

Thank you that's really kind and helpful

OP posts:
IDontWantToBeAPie · 04/12/2022 20:49

I've been so I'll I couldn't go to work on a Monday and right as rain on the Wednesday. That's often how illness works. You get better over time.

ImOutOfTouch · 04/12/2022 20:50

How did you not know your friend was going on holiday?

Original poster
Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:52

IDontWantToBeAPie · 04/12/2022 20:49

I've been so I'll I couldn't go to work on a Monday and right as rain on the Wednesday. That's often how illness works. You get better over time.

Thank you I don't want to be a pie, I wasn't sure how illnesses worked.

OP posts:
OneFrenchEgg · 04/12/2022 20:54

Thursday she says she's too ill for birthday
Saturday she's better but it's too late to come up now
Sunday she would have been driving back from yours (but didn't come)
Tuesday she goes on holiday

The only time I'd be a bit suspicious was if holiday was booked after she agreed to your birthday - can see why you might wonder if she ducked out.

WimpoleHat · 04/12/2022 20:55

I can't see how 3 days makes that much of a difference

Honestly - I’ve had several gastric bugs where I’ve been sick as a dog for 24 hours, then felt a bit meh for 24 hours - and then felt absolutely fine. But there’s no way I could’ve left the house in the first 24 hours. 3 days is a long time!

TomTraubertsBlues · 04/12/2022 20:55

You sound very hard work, to have even asked this question!

latetothefisting · 04/12/2022 20:56

Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:35

I can't see how 3 days makes that much of a difference

have you never been ill before?

TomTraubertsBlues · 04/12/2022 20:56

Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:52

Thank you I don't want to be a pie, I wasn't sure how illnesses worked.

Show quote history

Hah, bullshit!

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/12/2022 20:56

Also OP factor in the actual travel. Driving any distance if you are feeling unwell is much harder than flying.

Hope you had a lovely birthday anyway

Notimeforaname · 04/12/2022 20:57

I wasn't sure how illnesses worked

🤔

TomTraubertsBlues · 04/12/2022 20:58

A grown adult (whose username indicates they have children) who claims not to know how illnesses work cannot possibly be telling the truth. They just can't.

Luana1 · 04/12/2022 20:58

Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:35

I can't see how 3 days makes that much of a difference

Are you serious, unless she was hospitalised with a life threatening illness, 3 days is plenty of time to recover from something more minor. Also if she knew she was going away, of course she would miss your birthday for a bit of extra recovery time to ensure she made her trip..

atsusnaiboyz · 04/12/2022 20:59

What do you mean you don't know how illnesses work?

Summerfun54321 · 04/12/2022 21:09

Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:35

I can't see how 3 days makes that much of a difference

what?! 😂

ErinAndTonic · 04/12/2022 21:10

I'd not miss my long haul holiday even if I was still ill. I'd drag myself along and suffer through the beginning in the hope i'd soon feel better. You can't just cancel a long haul trip like that.

Fair enough if she wasn't feeling well and didn't prioritise seeing you. Why would you doubt your friend you've known a reasonable amount of time was telling the truth? You sound quite hard work.. what reason would she have to lie to you. You're overanalysing this - sometimes the simplest explanation is the right one.

Snugglemonkey · 04/12/2022 21:10

Plantmum2047 · 04/12/2022 20:35

I can't see how 3 days makes that much of a difference

Well that is weird to me. 3 days can be a world of difference!

catmum88 · 04/12/2022 21:12

She told you she felt better on your birthday though, so I’m not clear what the issue is? Either way, 3 days later doesn’t suggest the two are linked.

Frankola · 04/12/2022 21:13

She went 3 days after your birthday. That's plenty of time to get yourself feeling better. Wow...

TomTraubertsBlues · 04/12/2022 21:20

I'm astonished that 17% of voters think YANBU. Clearly a sizeable proportion of MN are batshit crazy!

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