Hi - sorry for the long post - really needing some support and help for people who live with in laws I'm a Indian family.
Background me and husband were dating for 2 years and have been married for 3..we are now pregnant with our first child 7 weeks and are extremely happy and excited about this. His mother lives with us and it's only us three (widowed and no other siblings) It is really difficult..she's very vocal and keeps venting and causing issues every few weeks..she believes in the typical patriarchal system whereas I believe a relationship should be about support..my husband also believes the support as apposed to a man's role and a woman's role (he didn't initially but has whilst we got married). She gets very agitated and vocally loud when she sees him doing stuff around the house to help and then says he's scared that's why he's doing it. She also doesn't give my family much respect and things like me spending time with my family during the holidays become an issue..although never said directly she throws digs and comments. I've never had the guts to say I'm spending Christmas lunch with my family. I'm too scared of the outburst. Even with presents for my neices I get told I should take whatever is out of the house as opposed to buy something and if I buy something it should be for a nominal value but for her family she doesn't mind so much what we do with them.
I know there's a problem with her and my husband isn't the problem. But he also can't leave here atall otherwise his mum has threatened suicide and all sorts and tbh I wouldnt want him to leave her as she's very dependent on hin. I work just as hard and earn just as much and I contribute towards the house to support my husband financially. That isn't a problem though lol. She has a very rigid view on what a relationship is like (she had a abusive typical Indian set up relationship where she was a maid/cook and the guy worked and came and put his feet up) and she believes it's the way of life and there is no other way. She thinks a husband role should be a certain way and expects my husband to do just that and thinks a wife has a certain role and she's there just to do that. If I was a stay at home wife I would 100% foot more of the household but I work the same if not more hours but I'm expected to cook 7 days and clean and shop and do everything.
I can deal with her views because it's about taking them in one ear and out the other but I can't keep dealing with these outbursts..when she does housework and gets overwhelmed she raises her voice and makes me feel like crap..my husband has tried so much to try and calm her down and reassure her. She's very over powering and I've come from a home where everyone respects space and boundaries. There isn't much here. She tries to get involved in our relationship dynamics and asks about issues that aren't even there.
My theory is she wasn't ready to share him and for him to get married which is the case in most Asian joint family.
I never saw my life like this. I saw myself happily married and I have the husband who there isn't an issue with. He's super caring and loving towards me and he tries to do everything to be a better husband and that's why I've stayed for this long. I saw myself being part of my family after I join a new one.
The question I have is now I'm pregnant. I don't wanna bring a baby up in this environment although I already love this blueberry in my stomach to the world and back. I couldn't sleep last night and I feel I'm just effecting my own life how will this effect my baby. I want this baby so much and i really love my husband but although last night's outburst wasn't big I think they've just started getting to me alot more now. I just don't know what to do or how to deal with this.
I guess I want to know AIBU about feeling this way and is this just hormonal.