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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nephews texting DS disgusting things

71 replies

Isitt2023yet · 03/12/2022 22:03

DS has just had his six birthday, his uncle gave him his old mobile phone to watch his YouTube things on. I said no but OH said give him a chance it’s the same as him using our iPad and if he gets too attached we will take it away.

It has no SIM card in but he can still message and call of WiFi. Anyhow nephew has texted him sexual things really really disgusting things about doing a sexual act on him (nephew is 8). OH doesn’t want to address it until he sees his brother.

Phone has been removed from DS now and he won’t ever have one again until he is at high school.

This isn’t the only thing, DH was sat with nephew and he was calling the black footballer malteasers. I am black and our kids are mixed race it doesn’t sit well with me.

Im so angry and feel like I could flip I don’t even know where to go from here as DH won’t address it yet.

OP posts:

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 03/12/2022 22:04

You need to phone your nephews parents immediately. What if he does that to another child and actually carries it through?!

You can't just sit on that information, and the racism thing... contact them tonight.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 03/12/2022 22:05

Your DH needs to speak to his brother as this is all a safeguarding issue. MNers will tell you to refer them to SS but unless you want it to be that your BIL and potentially other family members never speak to you again, I really would speak to him first and foremost.

Summerishere123 · 03/12/2022 22:05

You need to ring them and tell them you need to see them tomorrow.

Scurryfunge12 · 03/12/2022 22:06

That’s disturbing. I wouldn’t be letting him anywhere near the house now.

Oysterbabe · 03/12/2022 22:07

How would an 8 year old get it in his head to say this? I'd be worried he is being exposed to inappropriate things.

DuplicateUserName · 03/12/2022 22:07

Address it yourself then.

He's your son too and you have every right to sort this out immediately.

Who made your DH the boss?

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 03/12/2022 22:08

Scurryfunge12 · 03/12/2022 22:06

That’s disturbing. I wouldn’t be letting him anywhere near the house now.

^ this. Don't allow him anywhere near your son unsupervised for god sake.

Whattodo182 · 03/12/2022 22:08

Fuck waiting for your 'DH' to deal with it.

I'd be on the phone or banging their door down NOW.

FuckMyLife2022 · 03/12/2022 22:09

Just because it was sent from a child’s phone does not mean that the child sent the messages.

My thoughts went straight to the adult that gave him the phone.

tensmum1964 · 03/12/2022 22:09

Definitely agree with addressing this ASAP. If your DH is reluctant tell him that there is a high chance that your nephew will do this to other boys so apart from the risks it may well be a non family member or the Police confronting your BiL so wouldn't he rather hear it from family first to give him an opportunity to deal with it, get his son help etc.

Itsabitnotcold · 03/12/2022 22:09

You need to ring his mum at the very least. An 8 yo should not be talking like that at all. I'd be very worried where he's getting it from.

nocoolnamesleft · 03/12/2022 22:10

I would be concerned that the nephew may be the victim of sexual abuse.

Whattodo182 · 03/12/2022 22:10

FuckMyLife2022 · 03/12/2022 22:09

Just because it was sent from a child’s phone does not mean that the child sent the messages.

My thoughts went straight to the adult that gave him the phone.

Potential in this, but still the nephew calling black footballers maltesers....

Alertthecorgis · 03/12/2022 22:11

I’d be hugely concerned that your nephew has been exposed to something or is possibly being abused.

FuckMyLife2022 · 03/12/2022 22:11

Whattodo182 · 03/12/2022 22:10

Potential in this, but still the nephew calling black footballers maltesers....

Show quote history

Which they learn from how the adults around them speak.

The parents are the problem here. Tread very carefully.

SnackyOnassis · 03/12/2022 22:11

God OP I'm sorry, this all sounds really awful for you and your family, particularly the racism of your nephew and the fear of where he might have picked it up from. Have you ever had racist encounters with him before (your BIL)?

Obviously you know your son best and you set the rules, but by taking the phone from him is there a risk you're punishing him for being a victim of this shittiness from your nephew? I know you weren't keen on him having it in the first place, but he might feel hard done by...

Stressedmum2017 · 03/12/2022 22:11

Wow what the actual fuck, how is your husband just allowing this to be left?? If I were you I would be saying you need to get him round tonight or I will.

Merryoldgoat · 03/12/2022 22:12

Why are you leaving this to your husband?

I find this truly shocking.

Your 8yo nephew is showing signs of hyper-sexualisation, he’s now exposing your son to harmful content and he’s saying racist stuff.

You’re black, and just leaving it?

My husband wouldn’t be able to stop me if I was in your position.

Smartiepants79 · 03/12/2022 22:12

Your nephew is displaying massive red flags for being at risk of abuse.
Your son has been exposed to it now also.
DO SOMETHING!!
This would be reported to social services and probably the police if it happened in school.
You can keep your son safe, I’d be more worried about your nephew right now.

Namechangeforthis88 · 03/12/2022 22:13

All the adults involved should be concerned about the nephew as well. It's definitely the nephew sending inappropriate stuff? Is the nephew the son of the uncle that have the phone? Coincidence?

Merryoldgoat · 03/12/2022 22:13

I would also report this to social services.

Costadelot · 03/12/2022 22:14

How does an 8 year old know about such things unless he has been exposed to them. This is a huge safeguarding issue and requires immediate and long-term action. I would NEVER leave my child alone with nephew or his family. I would let nephews parents know exactly what was said and how worried you are for his safety and under no circumstances would a 6 year old have any access to a phone.
Get angry and do something.

IAmTi · 03/12/2022 22:14

How sure are you it's the nephew and not the uncle?

Tbh I'd phone childline and get their advice.

Namechangeforthis88 · 03/12/2022 22:15

Yup, I wouldn't stop at telling nephew's dad. Not sure he's going to be the hero of the hour.

Original poster

Isitt2023yet · 03/12/2022 22:17

DH is making me feel like I’m blowing it out of proportion and that they are just kids and nephew doesn’t know what it means.

OP posts:

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