Nephews texting DS disgusting things

[Isitt2023yet]

DS has just had his six birthday, his uncle gave him his old mobile phone to watch his YouTube things on. I said no but OH said give him a chance it’s the same as him using our iPad and if he gets too attached we will take it away.

It has no SIM card in but he can still message and call of WiFi. Anyhow nephew has texted him sexual things really really disgusting things about doing a sexual act on him (nephew is 8). OH doesn’t want to address it until he sees his brother.

Phone has been removed from DS now and he won’t ever have one again until he is at high school.

This isn’t the only thing, DH was sat with nephew and he was calling the black footballer malteasers. I am black and our kids are mixed race it doesn’t sit well with me.

Im so angry and feel like I could flip I don’t even know where to go from here as DH won’t address it yet.

When you say Psycho what exactly do you mean? Also given that you refer to him as such, isn't this very telling in as much that it is no surprise that your nephew is seemingly quite disturbed psychologically and possibly risky toward other children.

Really hope BIL and SIL take it seriously. Was the language adult like? Poor kid may have been exposed to something he shouldn't have.

An 8 year old is threatening to do a sexual act to a 6 year old??? This is a HUUUGE red flag. I would be worried where 8 year old is getting this language from, and why they think it's appropriate to send that to a 6 year old.

Don't punish your son, but block your nephew so no more messages can be sent. Yes bring it up with the parents ASAP, but I'm really really concerned that your OH thinks this is no big deal, and that racism is acceptable - you definitely have an OH problem as well.

Could your DS's school offer some support as to how to approach this safely but seriously? This is serious and needs to be addressed. You are NOT overreacting, and the people in your life telling you that you are, are potentially dangerous/harmful for your son.

A lot of it depends how n what dn has put, if hes parroting what he's heard in the playground and doesn't actually know what it means then it is quite different to if he's sent it knowing what he is saying. The racist remarks were obviously copied from his dad. Personally I would consider distancing from the family as they obviously are not politically correct! (At the least) but I suspect that (assuming dm was copying comments he's heard) they don't meet the criteria for social services to be involved.

The reason I wonder about copying playground comments is we had an incident and definitely was copied from a foul mouthed child at the school, eventually social services were involved with that child.

All in all I don't like the sound of you bil's op, sorry

i could barely sleep last night it’s the only thing I can think about and the huge uproar it going to cause now.

DS said to his nephew in the text would you like try my new ear pods and nephew replied no I will suck your c* instead. Surely that’s no what kids say to each other these days!

DS is so angry at us and is lashing out for taking the phone away.

Their was other similar texts like that too

He's 6 though. So tough.

Call childline

What do mean BILs a psycho?

His kids are little shits and when anyone confronts him about them he always backs them up and just flips out.

Contact child social services in their borough, or their school's safeguarding lead, and report what has been said with the evidence. Stop trying to involve someone you think is a "psycho" in the raising of your own child. If your DH isn't interested in the protection of his own child, then take control and start talking to a solicitor about custody options.

Don't go round there

What do you think is the cause of them becoming "little shits"? It's quite possible those children are being abused. Even if you don't like them, you have a moral duty to do some basic steps to help protect them.

At the least it sounds like the children are result of very poor parenting and the worst the result of abuse. I agree with SS and no allowing your children to have contact with racist/sexually inappropriate (at best) side of the family.

No 6 year old needs a phone.

Quite.

Op I’m so sorry you’re going through this

the in laws sound pretty awful
and language like that from an 8yo is shocking, both the sexual comments end the racism, unfortunately at that age this behaviour is learned and it is a huge safeguarding concern.
This needs reporting to the child’s school and the police.
There is serious potential that the uncle is attempting to set up your son to be ‘groomed’ by trying to normalize such conversation, giving him a phone so he has contact with him without going via his parents.
And unfortunately teaching his own children that they don’t need to respect you and your own children because of skin colour.
All of this has potential to be really dangerous and I would take a huge step back from them, to protect yourself and your children.
if your husband can’t see the issues he needs to do some work on his own internal boundaries, both in regards to race and sexualization of children.

it’s really hard when you’re surrounded by people essentially gaslighting you and trying to play it down as a joke. But that is exactly how abusers ‘get away’ with what they do, by normalizing ‘quirky’ behaviour and then gradually pushing the boundaries of what’s acceptable within their social circle.

‘Best case’ your BIL is simply an ignorant idiot, but those people should not be welcomed into your world and his children still need some support .

Trust your instincts and get some support for yourself from professionals, your sons school should help and Woman’s Aid are usually great.

I do agree with this. The school will hopefully have processes in place and people with the right skills to know how to handle this. It is definitely a red flag that there could be some concerning things going on. (Not necessarily - my DS10 sometimes parrots stuff he heard at school without any idea what it means, but still, it needs to be handled carefully.) It sounds like you're not going to get any positive result from talking to BIL.

I do feel for your DS, he feels like he is being "punished" when he did nothing wrong - in fact you want to encourage him to be honest about stuff like this and not try to hide it. Is there another treat/privilege you could offer until this is sorted out?

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, you must feel sick.

I’d be contacting social services not speaking to the parents, who are likely to be facilitating or causing this behaviour

This is really dodgy. I would ring the NSPCC and ask for advice. Hopefully the sOn isn’t being abused

How is anyone contacting your son Via WIFI?
Does he have social media Apps on the phone?