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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Worried he doesn't want to marry me

79 replies

Jacketpotato65 · 03/12/2022 21:08

I'm 31 and partner 3 years younger. Been together almost 3 years now, living together for 2. He's never told me he wants to marry me. Early in our relationship he said he'd like to get married (in general).
But he's never once mentioned us being married, engaged, having children etc.
He's talked about purchasing a house, however.
Around 6 months ago I talked to him about it. I asked him if he saw us getting married one day. It was almost like he had to think about what to say, he kind of made some jokes and then let out a soft, 'yeah'.
But I have no idea.
Maybe just under 3 years together is too soon to get engaged?
Or 28 is too young for a man to get engaged? It doesn't mean we'd even be married for another year or so after, so he'd be nearer 30.
I'm just worrying. Looking at my friends, most were engaged around the 3 year point, some a bit sooner, one still not engaged after 8 years so it's all different.
I know times have changed and women shouldn't be sitting around waiting for a proposal. But I've already brought it up once.
I go by the mantra of if somebody wants to do something, they will. He's never said a word to me about it, if there's ever a wedding joke he just laughs and changes the subject.
What if he says he isn't ready yet? That's fine of course, but what if he's still not ready a year, 2 years later? How long could I wait for something that might never happen?
He seems very happy with me and committed but I know that doesn't mean they want to marry you.
I'm really not fussed about fancy rings and big wedding days and he knows that, I'd literally go to the registry office.
Just looking for advice, as this is playing on my mind a lot..

OP posts:
Greenfairydust · 22/02/2023 08:14

There are two of you in this relationship, so why do you let him lead on everything?

If your life goals are to get married and have a family in the near future you need to make that clear to him and give yourself a timeline.

Then be prepared to walk away if he keeps fobbing you off.

Talk is cheap. If his action don't match his words in term of long term commitment don't hand around and allow him to waste your time.

NeedToChangeName · 22/02/2023 08:27

@Jacketpotato65 If he was serious about this relationship, you'd know

Whataretheodds · 22/02/2023 09:16

WhatLikeItsHard · 03/12/2022 21:22

If you can't have talk to him and say that you would like to get married and that you don't think you want children, then I don't think you should get married to him. You should be able to talk about the future with the person that you want to spend the future with.

Why do you want to get married? Do you want to get married to him or just married in general?

How would being married change anything about your current relationship?

Does he know that you don't want children? That could be a potential deal breaker and something that needs to be discussed before marriage.

This

Mischance · 22/02/2023 09:18

It seems a pity that you have a relationship in which you cannot discuss such important things.

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