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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think school are cheeky fuckers?

264 replies

sandpDy · 03/12/2022 21:07

DS started school in September. Reception.

September - McMillan coffee morning. Donate £2 and wear something green

October - wear blue and donated £1 to sands, a still birth and neonatal death charity Confused Halloween party - bring in cakes, a bottle of soft drink and something else of your choosing. Halloween coming up - £1 and you can wear your costume to school

November - children in need day. Wear something yellow and donated £2. Childrens fun day, bring in £5 to join in activities Shock

December - Non uniform £1 donation. 15th December Christmas jumper day. Bring in £2.

In addition to this, they've asked for donations in his class for jumpers and socks, and spare clothes for spares. Also asking for a 'small contribution'
so they can buy some for the class

AIBU to think this is pretty wild?!

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 04/12/2022 08:07

I think schools really need to start picking their causes and stop asking for a pound here and there... it adds up if you donate to it all, and have multiple kids. With things how they are, some families can't justify it.

They shouldn't be changed for a uniform free day!

NadjaCravensworth · 04/12/2022 08:12

PickyEaters · 03/12/2022 21:12

So £12 in total?

I've not been up long, but isn't it 14?

September - McMillan coffee morning. Donate £2 and wear something green

October - wear blue and donated £1 to sands, a still birth and neonatal death charity Confused Halloween party - bring in cakes, a bottle of soft drink and something else of your choosing. Halloween coming up - £1 and you can wear your costume to school
(Total £4)

November - children in need day. Wear something yellow and donated £2. Childrens fun day, bring in £5 to join in activities Shock
(Plus 2 plus 5 £11)

December - Non uniform £1 donation. 15th December Christmas jumper day. Bring in £2.

(Plus 1 Plus 2 £14)

PriamFarrl · 04/12/2022 08:29

NumberTheory · 04/12/2022 04:11

Making kids feel left out in order to raise money for charities as many of the Mufty days do, is bloody appalling.

Show quote history

No one is making kids feel left out. They’ve turned up in their own clothes and possibly handed over a quid. Children without £1 aren’t being forced into a uniform.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/12/2022 09:40

Jennybeans401 · 04/12/2022 07:43

Dd's old school used PTA funds to buy the teachers an expensive Nespresso machine, coffee pods and a hamper of treats for the teachers in the staffroom. Considering the school had no online lessons in Covid (they couldn't afford to update their Internet connection), floors that were falling apart and a lack of reading books that was galling.

do you know this for definite? Or is it just a rumour. That’s shocking if true. I’m not even sure that’s allowed, financial regulation wise.

Are you sure the teachers didn’t all club together? Or that a group of parents didn’t buy it for a joint Christmas present/leaving present?

berksandbeyond · 04/12/2022 09:46

AlarmClockMeetWindow · 04/12/2022 02:53

The £28 for single photos and another £28 for photos with sibling was bad enough! Hope the PTA has creamed a good profit off that to "benefit the children" and would love to know what "enriching" activities it's been spent on. Sadly they don't share this with us mere mortals. 🤣🤣🤣

You sound a bit dense if you think the PTA are taking the photographers and getting some massive profit

notdaddycool · 04/12/2022 09:50

What annoys me is the need for cash, we’re starting to be able to do them on the school app at least, I wish it was just direct debit all the way.

Sculls aren’t allowed to exclude kids that can’t pay, but buying something yellow/pink/green is the problem…

NowThatsWhatICall22 · 04/12/2022 09:55

PTAs have a hard enough time getting volunteers together, last thing they need is folk misunderstanding the function of a PTA. I doubt very much they bought a coffee machine for the staff room from parent contributions, if you know that to be true you probably need to report your PTA for abusing the funds. Nor do they take the pictures profit from the commercial photographers services😂but I’m sure most PTAs would love such an easy win £ instead of the mammoth task of organising fairs, etc.

Ylvamoon · 04/12/2022 10:02

NowThatsWhatICall22 · 04/12/2022 07:45

To complain about this is to not understand that children learn charitable giving (even for the smallest amounts) from their school community benefits a wider cause. How else would the next generation understand about fundraising to support sectors of society that need the help? So yes, it’s tricky to keep up, but even £1 if you have it, for your child to wear a different coloured jumper for the day, will show them how to contribute to causes.

Really?
This can also be very damaging to DC as they are pressured into buying/ donating.
Had this myself with DD 8 at the time.

A child at her school was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer... parents set up a charity to raise funds to take their DC to America for treatment. All good.
Then they started to use the school for fundraising with a mufty day and cake sale after school- fine we donated bought some cake. Then a few weeks later the kids could bring in £2 to buy one of those plastic bracelets. I said no as I didn't have £2 at the time.
DD got very upset an told me that if we don't buy a bracelet, this DC will die....

It's not ok to guilt trip and pressure parents via their children into giving to charities.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/12/2022 10:06

I just want to reiterate how desperate schools are for money. In my area there was a local authority schools meeting this week for heads and school business managers (of maintained schools). It was specifically about management of deficit budgets. This is very worrying considering that financial regulations for schools don’t actually permit planning for a deficit budget. EVERY school there had a deficit budget and I believe some schools had eye watering deficit levels.

i think if parents knew the full extent of it all they’d be well and truly shocked and wondering how schools could carry on operating. The truth of the matter is that they are disintegrating gradually but managing to hide it from parents at this point. It’s been like a dirty little secret these past few years but now at least schools are starting to admit to each other what a state they’re in, and they’re probably relieved that it’s not just them mismanaging their budget.

i’m very scared for our education system just now. Everyone knows that recruitment and retention is dire. The best staff end up leaving because they are diligent people and don’t just want to do a half-assed job but doing a good job under these circumstances are is killing them. You can’t even recruit governors any more and they’re supposed to oversee and approve everything .

I think soon enough parents will have to be asked to pay for personal issue books, stationery etc as standard. I think this happens in Ireland anyway and it is just accepted as part of the education system.

a voluntary quid here and there or organising own clothes day would then appear nothing in comparison.

I have news for parents of little children about what they need to pay for in about 10-12 years time. You will be expected to top up your child’s living costs at university unless you’re on a lowish income, as there will be a shortfall in what their maintenance loans cover. A very large shortfall in some cases. So my advice is to get saving for university NOW and suck up the quid here and there as when you look back at moaning about that in 10 years time you will kick yourselves and consider how lucky you were that that was all you had to fork out.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 04/12/2022 10:12

Maybe they'd be better off petitioning the Government to fund it properly? Someone has had their head in the sand for years given you missed this!

SleepingStandingUp · 04/12/2022 10:20

NumberTheory · 04/12/2022 04:11

Making kids feel left out in order to raise money for charities as many of the Mufty days do, is bloody appalling.

Show quote history

Why would anyone be left out? Do you think kids not handing in their 50p are locked I na dungeon or given dirty old uniform to wear? Or they just carry on, in their own clothes, like everyone else? If your school is making a big deal about Mary not handing in 50p the issue is def with your school not the process of OOU days

Minniem2020 · 04/12/2022 10:20

Yep. Sounds right for a primary. We've had the same plus raffle tickets, asking for donations for the raffle, filling jam jars for them to sell, £1 contribution for a show that's visiting the school, £1 for making a decoration competition, then all the kids came home with a charity pot for them to fill with money on Friday. It's getting ridiculous.
I have a big age gap between my kids and I'd forgotten how bad it was.

NowThatsWhatICall22 · 04/12/2022 10:20

Spot on @CurlyhairedAssassin

OodieBoogie · 04/12/2022 11:08

AlarmClockMeetWindow · 03/12/2022 22:43

I'd not even thought of thay but gaaaaah yes, there's probably an element of people on the PTA with too much time on their hands thinking this is "fun" and we should all be grateful to them. 🤣

Show quote history

Said someone who has clearly never been involved in a PTA.

OodieBoogie · 04/12/2022 11:43

This thread is a perfect example of what it's actually like being on the PTA. Quick to complain if something isn't to their specifications or liking, snide comments, bitchy attitudes, then the odd voice saying they do a good job.

It takes hours of work and effort. And people can be very ungracious.

There are 400 kids in our school, that's at least 600 parents we're trying to keep happy. Plus balance it with the staff availability and being conscious of not asking for too much money, or time, or effort from both kids, parents and staff.

We work full time and have other commitments too. I don't think very many people outside of our class (and the regular volunteers) would actually know who we are. The idea that we're just gagging for acceptance or adulation is hilarious.

Our kids miss out because mummy is running the event and our families are thrown into servitude because nobody else wants to volunteer. They also don't get given the extras etc in case people think there's favouritism. Neither do we.

But when you suggest not running the events there's uproar "because we love it, the kids love it" .

Similarly, it was suggested that instead of a pound here, two pounds there in cash, that parents might prefer to set up a standing order for £3/4 a month, or give £30 or so at the beginning of the year. Very few actually took it up.

You can't win, so you do your best and hope that you're getting it mostly right.

TheaBrandt · 04/12/2022 12:43

My Dh and my lovely friend manning the pta family bbq (both having done full week at work) and being treated like incompetent staff by grim random parents was the last straw. Dh found himself handing out burgers saying “thank you?” to the mannerless gits who didn’t even say that! He’s not cut out for volunteering..

Gasketcracker · 04/12/2022 12:50

OodieBoogie · 04/12/2022 11:43

This thread is a perfect example of what it's actually like being on the PTA. Quick to complain if something isn't to their specifications or liking, snide comments, bitchy attitudes, then the odd voice saying they do a good job.

It takes hours of work and effort. And people can be very ungracious.

There are 400 kids in our school, that's at least 600 parents we're trying to keep happy. Plus balance it with the staff availability and being conscious of not asking for too much money, or time, or effort from both kids, parents and staff.

We work full time and have other commitments too. I don't think very many people outside of our class (and the regular volunteers) would actually know who we are. The idea that we're just gagging for acceptance or adulation is hilarious.

Our kids miss out because mummy is running the event and our families are thrown into servitude because nobody else wants to volunteer. They also don't get given the extras etc in case people think there's favouritism. Neither do we.

But when you suggest not running the events there's uproar "because we love it, the kids love it" .

Similarly, it was suggested that instead of a pound here, two pounds there in cash, that parents might prefer to set up a standing order for £3/4 a month, or give £30 or so at the beginning of the year. Very few actually took it up.

You can't win, so you do your best and hope that you're getting it mostly right.

Yep, this with bells on. PTA/PFA members work bloody hard, there is nothing about the role that brings glory.

The nasty comments and complaints for the work we do are beyond belief... these aren't advertised, just discretely dealt with as they pop into the inbox or up on social media, and it chips away at our morale. The same is true for teachers. But then, God forbid, a disco is missed or covid causes the cancellation of events, and suddenly we're the enemy for not making school fun for the children. We literally cannot win.

This thread is depressing beyond belief. I strongly suggest that all those complaining actually get involved with their schools to see what actually goes on behind the scenes... and, more importantly, WHY it goes on. Schools are in utter desperation and it's only going to get worse. And to be honest, this thread makes me think, why even have children when you don't give a shit about their school experience? Because no-one fundraises for any other reason than to enrich our children's time in education.

NumberTheory · 04/12/2022 16:01

SleepingStandingUp · 04/12/2022 10:20

Why would anyone be left out? Do you think kids not handing in their 50p are locked I na dungeon or given dirty old uniform to wear? Or they just carry on, in their own clothes, like everyone else? If your school is making a big deal about Mary not handing in 50p the issue is def with your school not the process of OOU days

Show quote history

Because schools often make it sound like kids aren’t allowed to come in their own clothes if they don’t bring in the money.

PriamFarrl · 04/12/2022 16:18

Gasketcracker · 04/12/2022 12:50

Yep, this with bells on. PTA/PFA members work bloody hard, there is nothing about the role that brings glory.

The nasty comments and complaints for the work we do are beyond belief... these aren't advertised, just discretely dealt with as they pop into the inbox or up on social media, and it chips away at our morale. The same is true for teachers. But then, God forbid, a disco is missed or covid causes the cancellation of events, and suddenly we're the enemy for not making school fun for the children. We literally cannot win.

This thread is depressing beyond belief. I strongly suggest that all those complaining actually get involved with their schools to see what actually goes on behind the scenes... and, more importantly, WHY it goes on. Schools are in utter desperation and it's only going to get worse. And to be honest, this thread makes me think, why even have children when you don't give a shit about their school experience? Because no-one fundraises for any other reason than to enrich our children's time in education.

Show quote history

Yes! Our school has over 400 children. There are 4 parents on the PTA, 4.
The amount of complaining there has been about the upcoming Christmas fair is madness yet no one actually steps up to help.

TheaBrandt · 04/12/2022 16:24

Ha I used to run a second hand uniform thing. Gave it up as it was a right effort lugging uniform from grim cupboards and I did it for 2 years. At the last one heard load of random mums moaning that there wouldn’t be an easy way of getting second hand kit anymore. I said they were more than welcome to take it on… cue glowers and tumbleweed…

IncompleteSenten · 04/12/2022 16:29

Yup.
It is never ending and a complete pain in the arse tbh. Costumes, themes, bring in this that and the other. Almost always at short notice.
It used to drive me nuts.

My biggest hate was the cake baking.
Bring in cakes or buns for the fete.
So you'd spend ££ in either ingredients or buying ready made, then they'd sell them for 20p a slice / bun.

They'd have made more just taking the cash I had to spend on the 🤬 buns.

I was so glad when it was over.

DingDongItsChristmas · 04/12/2022 16:43

I find some of the responses to this thread woefully ignorant.

It's all very well for some to say, "It's only X amount" however a report into the cost of the school day highlights that 1 in 5 children in Scotland, and 1 in 3 children in Glasgow are recognised as living in poverty. This report was published BEFORE the current cost of living crisis so no doubt the current situation is worse.

The report recommends, "Fundraising which doesn’t always ask families to contribute (e.g. supermarket bag-packing) and not asking children for money". A lot of schools are clearly not taking this on board.

Anyone interested in reading it can do so here: cpag.org.uk/sites/default/files/CPAG-Scot-Cost-Of-School-Day-Summary(Oct15)_0.pdf

Sceptre86 · 04/12/2022 16:50

Your school is on par with ours. We had to donate towards the harvest festival too as well as the local food bank for Christmas.The money is used by the pta to pay for coaches to take the kids to panto. Every kid gets to go and gets a small snack bag as a treat. They also get a book and selection box at Christmas. They also use some of the money to pay towards leavers hoodies for children in the final year. We will have numerous more dress down days to go, a bounce a thon in the summer where each child needs sponsored, World book day, crazy hair day etc. It is expensive as we have 2 kids in school but the pta do put on lots of events for the kids so I suck it up. It's more the remembering what's going on almost every week that takes some getting used to but Google calendar is great for that.

NumberTheory · 04/12/2022 17:28

NowThatsWhatICall22 · 04/12/2022 07:45

To complain about this is to not understand that children learn charitable giving (even for the smallest amounts) from their school community benefits a wider cause. How else would the next generation understand about fundraising to support sectors of society that need the help? So yes, it’s tricky to keep up, but even £1 if you have it, for your child to wear a different coloured jumper for the day, will show them how to contribute to causes.

I don’t think there’s any evidence that this sort of thing is a good or effective way for children to learn charitable giving.

Changingmynameyetagain · 04/12/2022 19:07

My DC are all at high school now but I did the PTA for years at the primary school, it’s relentless there were just 3 parents on the committee out of a school of 300 kids.
We raised £9k last year and this paid for upgrades on the playground, without our fundraising this just would never have been done. We also subsidised those children who couldn’t afford to go on the school trips.

There were no volunteers to take it on when me and another parent left in July so it’s now folded.
I've been up at the school this week helping them organise the Christmas fair even though I am no longer a parent because they still need the help.