Partner interferes when I’m playing with our son.

[PurpleRayne89]

When he okays with our son, I let him be so they can have time alone between them. We play as a family. When I’m playing with our son, he always jumps in. Like today, I was chasing him from room to room when my partner jumped out and took over. My son then lost interest in playing with me. I think it’s important we both have an opportunity to play with him separately and together.

AIBU?

@CarefreeMe have you actually read what you’ve written? Have you read what I wrote? I said we play as a family, I play with him and I allow father and son time because I think it’s important.

taking things from someone hands whether it’s a board game or a ukelele, I’m not sure what the difference is to you,

Never mind, you’re just looking for problems.

@MangshorJhol we both work full time. He does nursery drop off and I do pick up. We both have one day off with him in the week. Our son is 15 months old so no homework. This is our first child. He is the child’s father.

the issues I have is

-he said he would not like me doing the same thing to him.
-removing the child from my arms to comfort him when he’s already being comforted (most people would wait, unless it wasn’t their child)
-telling me he only wants me for milk
-taking over when my son and I are playing when I allow him to have one to one time with our son.

This isn’t healthy behaviour and friends I have spoken to or who have witnessed thought it was weird as well.

God knows why you're getting a hard time on here - your partner is being a dick OP, and making parenting about his ego rather than your son's needs. I think the only thing you can do is keep raising it whenever he does it. Just say "you're taking over again". If he agrees he wouldn't like it, then hopefully it's just a case of raising his awareness to when he's doing it

@BackOnTheBandWagon hey, neither do I go be fair. I’ve asked questions to make try understand their views but nobody is able to elaborate.

May I ask where your partner is from? Do oyu otherwise have a good relationship?
A friend had a similar thing going on with her ex husband. It was very difficult as it turned out he was preparing himself (in future) to divorce her and take the child with him to another country and for the child to rely more on him than on the mum. It ended up being a very bitter fight in court with him saying all the things he would do for the child which he didnt allow the mother to do to show how good of a father he was.
Put your foot down OP, it's weird and you're right, it's not a competition. Take your son out, have some one to one with him wihtout the dad.

What does he say when you ask him not to jump in?

This would annoy me too, sounds like he is trying to make himself the ‘default’ parent? If he tries to take DS off you when you are cuddling/comforting him I would be very clear that it’s not necessary, say something like “We are fine DH, we are just having a little cuddle until DS calms down’ and then turn your back.

Is he a jealous/insecure person generally? Can you sit down when DS has gone to bed and have a proper chat about it when it’s not tense and in the moment?

Is this your first child ? Id be more than happy to let his dad take over so I could have a break but that's after several kids ! Let him crack on it's not a competition

I think dh is maybe feeling insecure with his attachment, which can happen when kids are bf. And as you’ve pointed out your DH has pointed that you are the current preferred parent.

just because we understand in principle that it’s “just for now” doesn’t make it any less cutting when your child obviously prefers the other. Seems as if his behaviour might be a reaction.

Be firm and consistent when he tries to take over with your alone time. And remind him when he is doing it, so it’s a words and actions communication.

hes generally an insecure person. He is someone who always needs to be validated. His mother withheld a lot of affection when he was growing up.

I’ve spoken to him about it and he says he’s jealous. He said he wouldn’t like me doing the same to him. So he’s actually acknowledging what I’ve thought this entire time that he’s competing for our some affection with me. I told him it’s not necessary as our son will need us at different stages of his life and all that matters is we are there for him. @InsomniacVampire we are both British. That story sounds awful and terribly exhausting.

Have you read about narcissists?
This is all classic narc behaviours , unlikely for him to stop it just gets worse

So he's acknowledged he's doing it but is he going to stop it? This behaviour would drive me crazy.

OP please don't waste time justifying your feelings to strangers on the internet - at least some of whom are goady fuckers out to provoke. Of course what you're describing is uncomfortable and upsetting. And intrusive. It's not a trivial thing - it's your relationship with your own child in your home.

I'm not sure what you do about it. But recognising the problem for what it is is an important start.

Best of luck to you. You sound a lovely mother.