Partner interferes when I’m playing with our son.

[PurpleRayne89]

When he okays with our son, I let him be so they can have time alone between them. We play as a family. When I’m playing with our son, he always jumps in. Like today, I was chasing him from room to room when my partner jumped out and took over. My son then lost interest in playing with me. I think it’s important we both have an opportunity to play with him separately and together.

AIBU?

You don't sound unreasonable at all, I understand what you mean. I think you need to call it out every time it happens.

When you discussed it and he said he wouldn't like it the other way round, did he acknowledge he's doing it? What else did he say?

As much as the urge is strong to comfort my dd everytime she cries, if i see her dad hugging her and wiping her tears, i definitely dont come swooping in

AGAIN the male identified women on mumsnett never cease to amaze me
If the gender was reversed, the woman would get a roasting for intefering and for "preventing the man from being a good father"

How is OP meant to bond with her son if daddy keeps hovering around and taking over, not just once but everytime?

I’m not arguing with anyone. I would like those commenting to make sure they read what I’ve written before picking and choosing what to respond to.

Yanbu and if you confront your husband about it, hes going to gaslight you
I think you should put your foot down harder
If your holding your son and dh tries to take him, turn your back to your husband and walk away with your son,
continue whatever you were doing

If he persists, you have to tell him to wait

If he tries to take a toy from you dont let him take it, have a tight grip on it and yank it away from him
Say "dh what are you doing , you can see that im playing with ds"
If he sulks let him

It sounds like he has some issues of control and does sound like he is competing with you
The "only wants you for milk" comment is classic narcissistic jealousy

Dont let him do this because if you let him bully you, your son might learn that behaviour and start treating you the same way

@pinheadlarry i do feel gaslighted already. I will take this advice as I don’t want anything or son to grow up and feel this behaviour is normal.

@karendrury its strange isn’t. Reading what they want and nitpicking. If I reversed the genders, I’d still be the bad guy for some reason.

@karendrury exactly, I’m entitled to ask questions and how they came to this conclusions. Yet just getting attacked.

It does sound like he's taking over rather than just joining in

OP has actually changed the story a bit since I posted. It started with him just going to pick the child up because he got there first, when people didn’t agree with her, it turned into his coming and wrestling child out of her hands. To be honest I can’t be bothered with threads like this, she asks a question, refuses to see any point of view than her own and then starts changing the story so later posters like yourself, think OP is reasonable.

I understand perfectly what you're saying and it's clear dh is being competitive and controlling. He feels threatened by your relationship with your son and doesn't realise that he can build an equally strong relationship without undermining you. Personally, dh pulling my son out of my arms would be my line in in the sand. As for what you can do about it, other than talking to him (again) about his behaviour, I've no advice but I do know that I'd hang on tight to my child the next time he tried to grab him out of my arms. I would be interesting to see what he did in those circumstances.

@Aprilx the story hasn’t change but it has expanded. Naturally it’s impossible to capture my entire experience in a few sentences. When people ask questions, I respond and therefore the story expands but in your case “changes”.

it’s common sense to ask questions as this gets more information. Nothing is black and white and what it appears at face value. Most people aren’t reading what I’ve written and have been commenting on bits and pieces. Like I said I appreciate input but that’s different from being attacked, generalised, stereotyped and misheard.

YABU. You're not going to listen to anyone telling you otherwise, because you just wanted an echo chamber of agreement with you, but YABU none the less.

@Aprilx very early on (2nd post) OP said that when she goes to comfort their child her partner swoops in to take the child. If DH saw me going to comfort DS he wouldn’t race in to get to him first

I always wonder whether people on AIBU deliberately miss the point to critisize OP or whether they genuinely can't understand any kind of subtltly. Of course

YANBU OP. It's great he's an involved dad but in taking over every time you're doing things you're own way he's undermining your relationship with his son. I wonder what's behind the behaviour? Does he do this outside of your son (e.g. start 'helping' by adding seasoning when you're cooking)? If it's constant then clearly it's a larger problem with him trying to drag you down if it's limited to your son I wonder if he feels insecure about his own relationship with his DS for some reason. In this case I'd find some way of making him sure of his alone time with DS while also setting firm boundaries that he can't interferre when you're doing something like playing/comforting DS.

@MonsteraDeliciosas kindly provide several examples of how I’ve argued back or sought validation please? I’ve not disagreed with anyone. I’ve asked how they came to their conclusions to understand their thought process more. There isn’t anything wrong about doing so. In fact, if you did the same thing, you might learn more instead of being outright judgemental.

im entitled to ask questions or for some expansion.

a board game is specific tho isn’t it. No, if we are playing with instruments, he would take the ukelele for instance and play it instead. It’s not once or twice, it’s all
of the time.

he comforts our child but taking him from my arms to do so is a step too far. I feel you picked parts to respond to and didn’t read my entire complaint.

I’m not nit picking but you only have 2 scenarios so I asked you what would happen if you were painting or playing a board game.

There’s a massive difference between joining in (like the running around game) and taking over to push you out and playing instead of you.

It sounds more like you struggle to do things as a 3 and think your time is your time with your son and his time is his time with his son.

You say it would be different if the genders were reversed but I disagree and think most mums join in when their kids are playing.

You sound incredibly possessive and a bit weird about your son.

YABU

agreed

@HollyJollyNovember why isn't the partner seen as possessive by taking the DC out of OP's arms when she is already comforting him?

He is the child’s father and is this your first child?
Also is this all he does or does he also look after the child, do bedtimes, mealtimes and housework?

I have no objection to DH joining in when we play but we are not competitive and he’s a very very equal parent in every way (is on the school PTA, takes on the mental load).