…to have walked away from him?

[DoryExploring87]

I walked away from possibly the love of my life. Someone who sees me for who I am and appreciates me. The complicated backstory is we’re both in the process of leaving difficult relationships (with children) and for now have been friendly. We meet once a week to have lunch and catch up on life. It’s been 9 months and we didn’t intend to fall for each other but life happened.

I feel like I’m everything to him when we spend those hours together and a lot less when we’re apart. No calls, hours between texts, even if we don’t get a chance to see each other in the week. I’ve voiced my concerns - that the emotional connection lacks when we’re apart, but he says he’s trying his best and that life gets busy.

so today I felt frustrated and told him that I’m done. That I’m not prioritised and he’s well aware of how considerate I am regarding his time. A call once a week or voice notes here and there isn’t hard. He says that he gives me all the affection when we’re in person and that I should trust how he feels about me.

I don’t believe I’m asking for much but hate that I can’t have a proper conversation with him, unless it’s scheduled or we meet in person.

AIBU?!

Sorry to hear. Personally I don't believe in people being the 'love of your life'. And sounds like neither of you are quite ready to be dating if you haven't properly extricated yourselves from your other relationships? I would give yourself a year of being single before you decide if someone is the love of your life. Otherwise things can get far too muddy...

When you say you're both in the process of leaving relationships, presumably that means you're both still in those relationships and he can't text and call when he's with his family.

Just to clarify, is he still in a relationship with someone else and they have children? And you're upset that you're not his priority?

Why are you expecting to hear from him like you're in a relationship when you're not?
Is your oh aware your relationship is over?

Oh and this.

Yeah it must be tricky for him to call, text and voice note you while he’s with his wife and children

I get you, I really need that connection too. I’m just in early stages of dating someone and up until today i’d not heard much from him, was thinking he had changed his mind, but deep down I know he’s busy and interested. Then he messaged today and he’s definitely interested and sorting out a date for week after next. I’m not sure if it’s just so early none of us wants to come across too keen, or if he’s someone who doesn’t need to be in constant contact. I’m not talking daily, but I didn’t hear from him properly for nearly a week. I guess you’ve made it very clear what you need from the relationship. See if he steps up now. If he doesn’t, make it’s not going to work for you. Better to be honest now than even more hurt down the line

We’re both separated from our spouses. He still lives with his, as they have a mortgage together and are still working through settling their finances. She doesn’t know he’s moved on and I believe he doesn’t want to aggravate her even more, although the agreement of the divorce was mutual. We don’t live in the same town (40 minutes apart) and I wanted to take things slow I.E explore each other emotionally and build up from there when the time is right.

His probably not really left his relationship and that’s why he can’t communicate as much

Just seen your update, I think you will find his lying to you about the divorce.
Cake and eat it comes to mind.

Even if he's not lying about the divorce, it'd be pretty stupid to make it so obvious there's someone else when they're still living in the same house and remaining amicable for the kids sakes.

Yeah he's not separated at all. His wife doesn't know about this alleged divorce.

Oh dear, you are his bit on the side

I mean this in the nicest and kindest possible way... he's not telling you the truth. He sees you once a week and then little to nothing until the next week... come on, surely you can see why that is? He still lives with his wife! Unless he has plans to move out tomorrow then I'd put money on him being full of shit. He's enjoying the attention you're giving him.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I’d say with the guy I’m seeing, he was so keen in the beginning, long voice notes, wanted to call, texted me all day - essays! But then changed So I pulled him up and told him that I don’t need daily calls but love the connection and catch ups. He said his feelings never changed but it’s not like it was before. Today I ended it tbh. I told him that I just can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to make him feel like he’s not enough because when I’m with him, he’s so attentive and a gentleman. Today I felt guilty at the end when I voiced my feelings. It was almost like I wasn’t trusting his feelings or being accommodating.

I think sometimes getting the right level of communication is tricky. If he's not used to dating perhaps he isn't aware that you need more.
Do you text him etc?
Of course you don't want to seem too full on but you could subtlety set the pace.

It does only take 30 seconds to send a quick hello message. Or 2 mins just to ask how you are, say he's thinking of you and give a brief overview of his couple of days.
I don't think that's too much to ask for every 2 days. Personally I would need that at least. Noones that busy!!

Men (should I say people) can be oblivious. You need to say what you want and how you feel.

Sorry OP I don’t think he’s being honest with you. At best he’s still enmeshed with his wife and doesn’t have the head space for a relationship (and probably can’t text or call when his kids are around).

At worst he’s outright lying and still very married and you are the affair partner.

I would chuck him back.

she doesn't know he's moved on and never will. You're the OW.

He Does message everyday. Always in the beginning of the day and the end. They’re simple messages to check-in which I appreciate. But sometimes I’d like to be able to catch up and talk properly.

He's still married, living with his family. He is not available.

You should both wait until you are both free.

You are the other woman trust me

Does she know they've 'separted'?

You’ve had a name change fail @Olivia8484 and after reading your previous thread it’s clear you’ve pursued this man, in the full knowledge that he’s in a relationship with children.

He’s married, he’s bullshitting you, you’re his once a week lunchtime ego stroke and he’s already getting bored of it, hence the massively reduced contact.

More fool you.

Oh you fool.

100% this.