Does this man sound sinister to you or deeply unpleasnat or am I too sensitive...

[rollinrollinrollin]

I will admit that my boundaries have been skewed over the last number of years after enduring 2 decades of an ea marriage.During that time I met a man , late 40's, divorced with 2 other long term relationships behind him.He has kids but not much of a relationship with them. His kids are from 2 different relationships. He is charming, chatty , funny and handsome. He is also rigid, stubborn,awkward and petulant. We have had many arguments where he has effectively given me the silent treatment for days,stonewalled me, punished me through pretending he doesnt have a care in the world by ignoring me for a few days.He has literally left me high and dry in the middle of an argument and driven off leaving me alone in a random town on a number of occasions.This has always been when he has been proven to be telling a lie or when he is being proven wrong.He hates being wrong, he doesnt apologise. He can be very petty and quite childish during a row.Its strange. Our rows centre around his inability to communicate and work through an issue.He shuts me down, stonewalls me, ignores/silent treatment and then waits till i come back when we reconcile. The rows always last a few days and it has been me who has pursued him to reconcile but the last row was the last time.The relationship is over.He cannot contact me whatsoever. I have found him to start to become quite controlling lately, bossy ,offering unsolicited advice, commenting and judging me on my business and almost sneering me at times.Like mocking almost.Commneting on my social life with my friends and insisting on dropping and collecting me when out socially without him. I've seen him be mean to his younger kids and was sarcastic and pass remarkable on other occasions. As time went on he became more and more of a dick. He has let me down and not shown up for me when I needed him, bang in the middle of a tantrum.So he could not put aside his tantrum and support me.He knew I had no help and badly needed it.He actually did not care.That was the bottom line. I know he was deeply unpleasant as time went on but what else was at play here.Have I dodged a massive bullet here or is there part of me that was hypersensitive to previous ea. Thanks.Sorry for lack of paragraphs.

Offs - apparently if you upload an animated gif it deanimates it - anyway, you just...step... Away

He sounds an absolute walker Don waste any more headspace on him

This, and this again.

Reverse your roles and imagine yourself acting like that. That should give you a good idea.

However, the concerning thing about your post is that this man is a complete narcissist and there’s absolutely no doubt that he’s extremely abusive. What if someone comes along who is half as abusive or even much less? You might think they’re wonderful…

He is also rigid, stubborn,awkward and petulant. We have had many arguments where he has effectively given me the silent treatment for days,stonewalled me

Why on Earth would you continue to date this man? He sounds absolutely horrible

Yes, he sounds sinister.
Yes, he sounds deeply unpleasant.
No, you are not being too sensitive.

He sounds like an utter cunt, tbh, OP, who’s left a trail of broken relationships and abandoned kids behind him. Controlling, manipulative behaviour, sulking and tantrums are all markers of an insecure, inadequate man. Trust your instincts. Don’t allow him to gaslight his way back into your life, and don’t start rethinking and questioning yourself on the inevitable nights when you feel a bit lonely. You deserve more than this bellend.

There are 2 other women in the world who are relieved to be free of this man…..

Yes absolutely and in all honesty all you need to ask yourself in a relationship does this person make me happy? I very much think way he behaves absolutely not .
dodged a bullet there stay away from him .

Please don't think what he us doing is normal. It absolutely isn't.

He sounds truly awful. This relationship is not good and it is not helping you.

This I had it done to me - very glad he ended it - dropped me off with no phone no money nothing and told me to get out

should of refused

he came back two hours later to get me

To say you’ve dodged a bullet is an understatement. You’ve dodged a whacking great RPG! Don’t waste a minute more worrying about this idiot.

He sounds horrible. So sorry you’ve experienced this. Men like this rarely improve over time and in my (admittedly very limited experience) usually get worse in their behaviour.

I wish I’d left my abusive ExH when I was in a position of strength, instead I tried even harder to please him and he left for the OW when our youngest DC was 14wks old. Have to say though - it’s the best thing he ever did for me.

Personally, I think you’ve dodged a bullet.

I’m sorry but what the fuck does it matter? You have already wasted enough time on this cunt, don’t waste even more time pondering WHY he’s such a cunt.

Run and don’t t look back!

Oh heck. You know when people ask you 'if you had a time machine, what would you go back & change'? You are me, when I started a relationship with my 2nd husband 😱 It's who he was exactly. PLEASE change the future, if you stay with that man you'll have what I had for years & it's awful! Get out now & stay out.

You need to understand one fundamental thing: Relationships are going to feel strange, flat, unexciting to you. You're used to relationships being stressful, dramatic & all consuming so a 'normal' relationship is going to feel wierd. That doesn't mean it can't develop into something really safe & special, you've just never experienced that because you were abused & you're emotionally injured. You need to leave him so you can take time to heal, then you can start to recognise 'normal'. Don't let my history repeat itself.

Thanks.It's important for me to read these and reflect as I didnt see it as an abusive relationship so thats why Im here . he humiliated me to the point that Ive been too embarrassed to discuss with friends. Yes I felt like he was the prize.Plenty of random women whose posts he liked, women Id never heard of but apparnetly were friends.I know he also left his wife when their baby was a few months old. perhaps for another woman as he got back with an ex some months later but claimed he was deeply unhappy.He claimed that the bnext partner was toxic and controlling...The list goes on. I believed it all because I had met this chatty, funny, attentive ,gorgous man who made me feel alive after years of misery and loneliness

To be fair no man who has an affair speaks about his cheated partner in a kind way. They need to justify the cheating - especially to the affair partner.

I’m fortunate to be friendly with my ExH’s affair partner now (at first I did it it for the kids sake but now I actually like her) and I think she’s now fully aware of the man baby she’s ‘won’.

I’ve moved on and am engaged to the most amazing man I’ve ever met. Kind, supportive, caring - everything my ExH wasn’t.

Good luck for the future OP - you deserve better!

He sounds deeply unpleasant and my friend was with someone very similar. If you'd be upset if a friend treated you in the way he did, then you know it's not right. You wouldn't be friends with someone who made you feel awful. Your partner needs to be the one who makes you feel better, who can comfort you and who you can rely on. There'll always be ups and downs in any relationship, but no partner should treat you the way he has treated you.

Didn't neeed to read more than the first few lines. Extrapolate yourself now.