Does this man sound sinister to you or deeply unpleasnat or am I too sensitive...

[rollinrollinrollin]

I will admit that my boundaries have been skewed over the last number of years after enduring 2 decades of an ea marriage.During that time I met a man , late 40's, divorced with 2 other long term relationships behind him.He has kids but not much of a relationship with them. His kids are from 2 different relationships. He is charming, chatty , funny and handsome. He is also rigid, stubborn,awkward and petulant. We have had many arguments where he has effectively given me the silent treatment for days,stonewalled me, punished me through pretending he doesnt have a care in the world by ignoring me for a few days.He has literally left me high and dry in the middle of an argument and driven off leaving me alone in a random town on a number of occasions.This has always been when he has been proven to be telling a lie or when he is being proven wrong.He hates being wrong, he doesnt apologise. He can be very petty and quite childish during a row.Its strange. Our rows centre around his inability to communicate and work through an issue.He shuts me down, stonewalls me, ignores/silent treatment and then waits till i come back when we reconcile. The rows always last a few days and it has been me who has pursued him to reconcile but the last row was the last time.The relationship is over.He cannot contact me whatsoever. I have found him to start to become quite controlling lately, bossy ,offering unsolicited advice, commenting and judging me on my business and almost sneering me at times.Like mocking almost.Commneting on my social life with my friends and insisting on dropping and collecting me when out socially without him. I've seen him be mean to his younger kids and was sarcastic and pass remarkable on other occasions. As time went on he became more and more of a dick. He has let me down and not shown up for me when I needed him, bang in the middle of a tantrum.So he could not put aside his tantrum and support me.He knew I had no help and badly needed it.He actually did not care.That was the bottom line. I know he was deeply unpleasant as time went on but what else was at play here.Have I dodged a massive bullet here or is there part of me that was hypersensitive to previous ea. Thanks.Sorry for lack of paragraphs.

Jesus Christ.He sounds horrendous.Run and never look back! His treatment of you is bad enough, but you've said yourself he's mean to his children.

I'm really sorry you've been through this relationship. Please don't let it knock your confidence or make you think this kind of treatment is normal or acceptable.

He sounds very unpleasant and you were absolutely right to break it off with him. Frankly I wouldn’t have spoken to him again the first time he drove off and abandoned me.

But you know this. You know he’s awful and you know you’ve done the right thing. Your judgement here is spot on. Stop questioning yourself and move on with your head held high.

Sounds to me like you don't realise how bad his behaviour actually is. You're definitely not being too sensitive, the way he acted is not acceptable at all!

P.S My ex husband could also could be described as charming,funny and handsome. I didn't find the final headbutt that funny.

Sounds like a top grade narcissist. Run.

He sounds horrible. Run away.

Thank you.I'm deeply confused after my marriage.He is deeply unpleasant but I got confused afterwards as to what is normal anymore.

Trust yourself, you've done the right thing.

The first time someone drives off and leaves you in the middle of nowhere needs to be the last time.

Oh my god, he is TERRIFYING!

I didn’t get past this

’He has kids but not much of a relationship with them. His kids are from 2 different relationships’

To fail at being a parent once is unfortunate. To do it twice is a big red flag.

You have massively dodged a bullet.

I wonder sometimes if it's just luck my husband is a good guy, but then posts like this make me realise it's not.

The SECOND you found out he had kids from 2 separate long term relationships who he doesn't have much of a relationship with, you shouldve been out of there.

Personally, I wouldn't have given him the time of day even if he had kids he DID see from 2 separate relationships.

If it hurts it isn’t love.

Any one of those things would be enough to end the relationship. His poor children.

OP, if you are struggling to see whether you're too sensitive, you need some help. Can you access counselling via your doctor's surgery?

No ! He’s a cunt
i know
people have flaws but this is some really crappy stuff

He sounds absolutely foul. You're well rid of him, and no, you're not overreacting.

Have you thought about doing the Freedom Programme?

Christ I feel like such an absolute fool but appreciate your replies very much.Its hard when he could be so sweet and generous and kind

He sounds absolutely awful.

I had an ex who used to stop the car in the middle of nowhere (including once in the middle of France) and tell me to either be quiet or get out if we had an argument in the car (the arguments almost always started with me (navigating from a paper map) telling him which direction to turn, him seeming to not hear me, so me raising my voice to make myself heard, then him flying into one telling me I was being controlling. Or on more than one occasion me pointing out that he'd jumped a red light through inattention). Looking back I can't believe that the first time it happened wasn't the last time I ever saw him. You live and learn. But I really recognise the stubbornness and the silent treatment and ridiculously overblown reactions to even the mere thought of being wrong, and the fact is that whatever other positive attributes he has, those things will make it impossible to ever have a productive, equal and truly loving relationship with this man. Oh, and he is emotionally abusive. You are WELL out of there!! You will look back in a few years and feel so lighthearted about how you don't have to put up with that crap anymore. Well done!!

Look, even the Yorkshire Ripper will have made the odd cup of tea for his wife. I think someone on here said something like: imagine if you had a cold drink. 50% of it was water and the other 50% was urine. Would you think it was a nice drink? What about 1% urine? You still wouldn't drink it, would you?

You're not a fool OP. You have had a bad experience with your husband (and possibly other men/your father before him) This means that you have not had the leg up that some of the rest of us have when weeding out unsuitable guys.

Doing the Freedom Programme is good advice.

I'm sorry you're going through that OP. I dated a man like that before I met my husband. It moved from that to gas lighting when he started dating a "friend" of mine behind my back. I don't know about you, but I started to hate the person I was becoming. I had never yelled or argued so much in my life and it scared me.

You need to spend some time alone in your own company. REad again what you have written and ask yourself why on earth do you not see the red flags? What advice would you give your friend if she told you what you have written. Knowing oneself is paramount. You just need to be alone for a while and take the time to heal.

I'd of personally been put off instantly by the fact that this man is a shit, absent father.

Other than that - walk away & don't ever look back. He sounds like an abusive bully who doesn't deserve you. Take some time for yourself.

Please don’t beat yourself up about this. Try to look at it as a good reason to spend some time working on your sense of self worth and what you expect from relationships - romantic, professional and social. You deserve to be treated with respect.

We have had many arguments where he has effectively given me the silent treatment for days, stonewalled me, punished me through pretending he doesnt have a care in the world by ignoring me for a few days. He has literally left me high and dry in the middle of an argument and driven off leaving me alone in a random town on a number of occasions.

This is a person who isn't capable of being in a mature relationship of equals, of communicating, of compromising, of treating a partner with respect. People have busy, crazy lives. People have feelings. People get stressed or moody or even lash out and speak in anger. Some people need time alone to cool off. It's not always possible to drop everything and have a big open discussion as soon as something goes wrong, but if two people can't at least agree that they'll make it a priority to sit down and honestly discuss their problems when time permits (it may be tonight, tomorrow, over the weekend, etc) then IMO unless at least one partner is EXTREMELY flexible/indifferent, the relationship's going to be a lot more irritation and pain than happiness and serenity.

This has always been when he has been proven to be telling a lie or when he is being proven wrong. He hates being wrong, he doesnt apologise.

So, he's punishing YOU because HE has made a mistake or behaved badly. If you haven't heard the term DARVO, take a look.

Don't beat yourself up that you made a mistake choosing this guy, just use it as a learning experience to find out what doesn't work for you. Take strength from the fact that you DID end it when things became too bad, and you can again in another relationship if you're unhappy.