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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Primary school pushing expensive clubs

94 replies

nowaynotnownotever · 02/12/2022 13:15

I may be BU here so I'll put it to the MN jury and also ask whether I would BU to actually broach the issue with the school.

For background I have 3 kids in a primary school and a baby at home. My kids to LOADS of clubs outside of school. A sport, swimming lessons, rainbows/brownies, a weekend music club and in school instrument tuition for the eldest 2. So I feel they do pretty much well!

My problem is their primary school has started 'offering' music/performance sessions in school. These are £40/kid/month(!!) and last about 15 mins per week term time. They look loads of fun. The group is regularly promoted by the school and the group produces 'concerts' that as in school time for the whole school and we get leaflets home about it at the same time too. Yesterday my children missed maths for this. And now my 5 year old is really sad she's not joining this club too. I really can't afford £120/month for this (because I can't say no to the other 2 then) and feel loathed to do so when other parents whose kids do it do have told me the children don't really learn the instrument they're supposed to be.

I know my children have traditional instrument lessons in school time (so maybe I am being U) but these are not constantly pushed on the children/parents. You get a letter at the start of the year and that's all you hear about it. The summer concert is after school and for parents/families.

AIBU to think this really isn't fair on the children whose parents have to say no and that the school are wrong for creating a 2 tier music/drama education?

OP posts:
Original poster
nowaynotnownotever · 02/12/2022 13:16

Typing whilst holding a baby so please forgive the grammar wobbles 🤪

OP posts:
NoKnit · 02/12/2022 13:25

Surely you can't afford it or don't want to pay it just say no. It isn't compulsory but is nice for it to be offered.

Sounds like your kids do a lot of activities anyway. I don't see the problem just decline and tell your kids no?

Dacadactyl · 02/12/2022 13:29

YABU. Totally unreasonable too.

If you can't afford it, they don't get to do it. I don't see there's a problem.

Your kids do other extra curricular activities, so they're not missing out.

user1471592953 · 02/12/2022 13:33

Which clubs do the kids whose parents work full time (and can’t do clubs outside school because they all start at 4pm) attend if the school doesn’t run them?

notdaddycool · 02/12/2022 13:37

YABU, it's a bit pricey, but shouldn't take opportunities away from other kids on that basis. We've found school group music lessons are rubbish and are stopping them.

Original poster
nowaynotnownotever · 02/12/2022 13:37

I have no issue with these things being offered, it's the constant marketing of it directly to the children and the very high cost that bothers me.

So parents end up having to tell a 5 year old you can't afford for them to have fun

OP posts:
OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 02/12/2022 13:38

Is this "Rocksteady" or similar???
My kids school are permanently asking parents to sign their kids up but we're the same and it's the same price each month apart from august (which is free) but like in December they break up on 14th so potentially miss 3 weeks!!!

I'm not very happy at my kids missing "proper lessons" to do this either I personally feel it shouldn't be at a time maths or something important is being taught

Original poster
nowaynotnownotever · 02/12/2022 13:40

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 02/12/2022 13:38

Is this "Rocksteady" or similar???
My kids school are permanently asking parents to sign their kids up but we're the same and it's the same price each month apart from august (which is free) but like in December they break up on 14th so potentially miss 3 weeks!!!

I'm not very happy at my kids missing "proper lessons" to do this either I personally feel it shouldn't be at a time maths or something important is being taught

Bingo

My children who are not signed up are missing classes to watch the other children have their expensive fun. It's just cruel

OP posts:
Testina · 02/12/2022 13:41

user1471592953 · 02/12/2022 13:33

Which clubs do the kids whose parents work full time (and can’t do clubs outside school because they all start at 4pm) attend if the school doesn’t run them?

I was one of those, I really liked school clubs. Different priorities too - I didn’t have 4 children and a big part of the reason was that I wanted to afford more things for the ones I had!
You’re not against the divide with those that can afford clubs in principle, you do instrument lessons.
Of course you can have 1attend but not the other 2 - but they need to understand the limit and drop something else.

The only thing I would object to is my child missing lesson time to watch the performance - do it in assembly. I’d definitely have spoken to the school about that.

faw2009 · 02/12/2022 13:43

Ugh, i hate this. Used to happen at my kids previous school. They'll be an assembly with an amazing yoyo guy (some moral about persistence) and next thing they're selling the overpriced yoyos at hometime with all the kids begging the parents to buy. Or a really expensive computer music class pushed to the kids.

Testina · 02/12/2022 13:47

I’ve looked at the website - it’s supposed to be 30 mins lesson. More expensive that instrument tuition generally, but not as bad if it’s 30 not 15. It also mentions termly performances in assembly. I think it should be after school for parents. But at the very least only DURING assembly. Will you complain to school about the missed lesson time?

princesssparklepants · 02/12/2022 13:47

Our school bought in outside vendors for after school clubs after the summer.... super expensive.
Wasn't much uptake.... then DD said they'd all been taken to meet the people who run the clubs/ have a taster session during the school day!
Thought that was massively cheeky of the school to allow it when there would be families who couldn't afford it!

But yeah would not be happy for DD to miss a normal lesson to watch others perform or whatever .... fair enough do it in assembly or whatever but not during lessons!

RandomMess · 02/12/2022 13:48

I think it's wrong that the concert is in school time and all the DC have to watch as it's not an activity they partake in on ability but in affordability.

I think I would complain about that aspect.

Teadrinkingmumofone · 02/12/2022 13:50

So parents end up having to tell a 5 year old you can't afford for them to have fun

Hardly. You said your children do LOADS of clubs. They can't do everything and that is part of a parents role to gently explain that surely. Some kids don't get to do anything. Sounds like yours are pretty lucky.

I'm surprised a 5 year old can't understand that. My 3 year old can understand similar things such as not being able to have two treats from a shop.
**
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Original poster
nowaynotnownotever · 02/12/2022 13:51

RandomMess · 02/12/2022 13:48

I think it's wrong that the concert is in school time and all the DC have to watch as it's not an activity they partake in on ability but in affordability.

I think I would complain about that aspect.

Yea that's my main problem. Also the constant marketing.

I don't really care what clubs other kids do, but school should be inclusive.

OP posts:
Justthisonce12 · 02/12/2022 13:52

An acquaintance of mine was setting up a golf club after school activity in one of the poorest, inner city areas of Liverpool, which, on the one hand I applauded it because it exposes the two pups something that they wouldn’t normally have come across. But on the other, these kids were hardly likely to have local membership to go another practice at the weekend were they? And yet the school pushed it because it ticked something on the physical education variety box. Apparently I don’t know but that’s actually in his marketing material. The fact that they, the school, could use it towards. Maybe something like that’s going on?

Original poster
nowaynotnownotever · 02/12/2022 13:53

@Testina I would rather have my 4 beautiful children and them have each other rather then being able to throw money away on a club that I think is very poor value. Not sure why you're weirdly trying to shame me for having children. I'm not the only parent who is making choices about how they spend their money.

OP posts:
NoelNoNoel · 02/12/2022 13:54

You are being U, my DC are older now but when they were younger I used to sign them
up for any clubs they wanted.

Testina · 02/12/2022 13:55

But you didn’t care about school being inclusive when you signed up for instrument lessons.
There are children in your children’s classes who see them come in with their violin, or leave class for their flute lesson, and feel just as much that they’re missing out.

Original poster
nowaynotnownotever · 02/12/2022 13:55

faw2009 · 02/12/2022 13:43

Ugh, i hate this. Used to happen at my kids previous school. They'll be an assembly with an amazing yoyo guy (some moral about persistence) and next thing they're selling the overpriced yoyos at hometime with all the kids begging the parents to buy. Or a really expensive computer music class pushed to the kids.

:(

I hate this sort of thing. And we're relatively well off. There are kids that can't do any clubs/have things bought for them willy nilly that have a constant sense of being excluded

OP posts:
DivineHypertension · 02/12/2022 13:56

YABU

Original poster
nowaynotnownotever · 02/12/2022 13:57

Testina · 02/12/2022 13:55

But you didn’t care about school being inclusive when you signed up for instrument lessons.
There are children in your children’s classes who see them come in with their violin, or leave class for their flute lesson, and feel just as much that they’re missing out.

Yes I wondered this hence the initial post.

In reality though, the kids are not sent home with shiny flyers about flute on a twice termly basis or having to miss their lessons to sit through my daughters piano recital. 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Testina · 02/12/2022 13:58

nowaynotnownotever · 02/12/2022 13:53

@Testina I would rather have my 4 beautiful children and them have each other rather then being able to throw money away on a club that I think is very poor value. Not sure why you're weirdly trying to shame me for having children. I'm not the only parent who is making choices about how they spend their money.

Not shaming you for having 4 children, just pointing out choices and consequences.
You wanted more children, and were happy to take the compromise of doing less clubs, value for money or otherwise.
So don’t try to restrict other people’s choices.
Especially when your principles of inclusivity were set aside for school instrument lessons.

Do complain about your child being the forced audience though!

Murasakispillowbook · 02/12/2022 14:00

I don't think my children would look at kids having music lessons and think they were missing out on expensive fun. They'd heave a sigh of relief!

There's always things you can't do in life. It's a better lesson for kids to learn than additional music!

MargaretThursday · 02/12/2022 14:00

My dc came home with loads of clubs of all prices and we chose which ones to do. As long as they're offering other clubs at a cheaper rate then I wouldn't worry. As with all things there were times when I had to say that we couldn't afford it, or I couldn't get them there or other reason.

If it's only 15 minutes then that they'll hardly notice anyway.

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