Keeping up with pace of life.

[Needarest22]

I don't know if it's the time of year, but keeling up with the pace of life is exhausting me now.

For context, I'm a single parent to 2 dcs. I work full-time in a demanding (somewhat flexible but high stress job).

I try to provide my children with opportunity so between them they have clubs every day after school and sports matches every morning early at the weekend.

On top of this I have to cook clean and all the usual house things.
.
I am having trouble keeping up with it all. I have no family support nearby. Other parents do help with lifts sometimes but still..

I cannot reduce my hours as ex contributes next to nothing (long storey) so I need a full time wage to make ends meet.

AIBU in just finding the pace of live overwhelming?

No, YANBU - rather hard for things to be otherwise with two kids, a job and no partner.

I think if you need something to change, your kids need to do more (chores) or less (extra curriculars). Or ideally both.

Yes they don't do any chores at present. They are 7 and 11 so I don't know what's age appropriate.

Mine are 8 and 10 they:

Clear table, load dishwasher, wipe table
Empty dishwasher
Have an 'area' downstairs they are responsible for keeping tidy
Tidy their bedrooms
Take stuff from the stairs upstairs if it's theirs
Put all their washing away

Can you look at dropping one of the activities / teams each??

I think that the DC can do some chores like washing dishes , vacuuming, keeping rooms tidy etc.
(does your budget stretch to a robotic vacuum cleaner ?
life changing in this house … it gets put on twice a day .. different room each time and does a great job! )

also do a bit of batch cooking… every time you cook make double and freeze .

finally , drop your housekeeping standards a little !
no one will come to any harm !!

and most importantly- your biggest task today is to tell yourself that you’re doing an amazing job 👏👏👏

doing it alone is hard so it’s important to remember you can only do your best .

take care and I hope you have a lovely festive break when it comes

Not unreasonable, but I'm not sure what made you think you could do all this.

I would have said no to an activity every day, they can do 2 during the week and one at weekends. I would either work 4 days a week or use my wages to pay for a cleaner once a fortnight. The kids have to pitch in with keeping their things tidy, setting/clearing the table.

You’re doing too much, take some time back for yourself, cut down on the extra curricular activities.

At 7 and 11, they should be capable of doing pretty much everything they need doing around the house. I might not let a 7yr old iron, depending, and if they're particularly small then changing bedlinen might be tricky. They should 100% be...

Taking turns at:
Washing up
Loading& unloading the dishwasher
Wiping down surfaces
Hoovering
Tidying
Loading washing machine
Hanging out laundry
Folding and putting away clothes

And I think now would be a good time to get them making simple meals. A 7yr old should easily be able to manage pasta pesto, for example, while I'd expect your 11yr old to be able to handle things significantly more complex.

Babying children does them no favours - they need to learn early what it takes to be part of a team in a household. This is especially true if they're boys.

Reported. This is not the place for advertising.

Btw, don't get suckered into paying them. You're a team - they have to contribute. Mine don't do as much as some on this thread. But the 10 y.o. sorts all the laundry, and often puts on/hangs out a wash. She tidies her room and the living room for when I come round with hoover. She brings dishes to the kitchen. If I'm working hard at the weekend, I rope the kids in. She cleans bathroom surfaces while I do the loo for example.

You literally cannot do everything. There's just no way it's maintainable. Firstly the kids need to be doing chores, whilst I don't agree with pp that a 7 year old should be cooking or ironing as I don't think that's safe, they absolutely should be doing the washing up /dishwasher, putting laundry on/away, hoovering etc. Re clubs, are they doing two each? Or more? And are they on same nights or different? I'd look to condense the amount they do. Kids need rest too

I agree that the kids could do more to support you. But I also think it’s built into your situation to a certain extent. I am in the same boat (well only one child but single parent without family), it’s absolutely relentless. I’m not sure what the answer is.

Oh my goodness why are they doing clubs every day after school? When do they get time for their homework?

cut down to twice a week. It’s enough for anyone.

chores are normal at this age. There is loads they can do to help. Make it non negotiable. You’re a team not one person!

Doing so many activities is too much, for you if not for your DC. And they should definitely be doing housework at their ages, my 3 year old folds clean clothes and puts them away, puts her plates in the kitchen, unstacks the dishwasher and helps out in the garden. Never too soon to start.

😂 mumsnet

In terms of the clubs it looks like this.

Monday Dc1 gymnastics
Tuesday dc2 gymnastics Dc1 swimming
Weds Dc1 football training
Thursday dc2 martial arts
Friday DC 2 football
Saturday Dc1 football match
Sunday dc2 Rugby training / match.

So they are not both doing clubs every night but over a week it's busy!!
We may drop rugby as my DC 2 is not so keen on it.

I guess I want to give them opportunities as I never went to many ascs as a child. But is this too much?

Good idea about the housework. My 7 year old actually helped me put away some clothes last night without me asking. But the 11 year old is in a very grumpy moody phase and more difficult to convince.

I honestly think one or two extra curricular activities are enough. I think you should have a talk with the kids, ask them what their favourite activity is and tell them the rest have to be dropped. I’d keep the swimming if possible. If DC2 isn’t keen on rugby drop that and the martial arts. That frees up Thursday evenings and you can take Sunday as a rest day for you all!

I'm tired reading that, you wish you'd had opportunities but if you did all of that you may wish you could have watched the TV and done a couple of jigsaws.
I know between two they aren't both doing clubs every night but presumably at least the 7 year old is out with you when the older boy has a club?
You could free up some time and money knocking a couple of things on the head.

One/max two activities each. It will make everyone happier in the long run

YANBU. that’s a lot. For your well being I think you need to let somethings go. Have a chores schedule for the kids, and perhaps discuss with them amount dropping an activity or two?

I agree. They also should go to work and start making their own money. Enough of bank of mum.

Are you high?

Seriously op you are going to risk burn out doing 247 as you are.

My dc chose ONE sport/hobby each and that could not include matches on Sundays. They definitely didn't do said sport twice a week. It is far too much for them and for you.

Cut out the optional. You are projecting your childhood and lack of opportunity on to them. I guarantee your children won't be olympians, so why are you exhausting yourself to do so much? You are doing the job of TWO people already.

Take out the weekend commitments, that gives you time to relax and play with your children, woodland walks, feeding the ducks, crafts and down time.

If can stretch to a cleaner for two hours it would be worth it, but otherwise Sat mornings

BTW my dc are now teens and still say their best memories are the ones of their childhood at home, and having fun and playing. They hated being over scheduled, most children actually prefer to be at home in my experience.

Have you over booked the clubs because it helps you with less parenting to do? As you are already doing so much? I just wondered why you let this happen seven days a week with no respite. I just couldn't do it op not then, and not now.