Keeping up with pace of life.

[Needarest22]

I don't know if it's the time of year, but keeling up with the pace of life is exhausting me now.

For context, I'm a single parent to 2 dcs. I work full-time in a demanding (somewhat flexible but high stress job).

I try to provide my children with opportunity so between them they have clubs every day after school and sports matches every morning early at the weekend.

On top of this I have to cook clean and all the usual house things.
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I am having trouble keeping up with it all. I have no family support nearby. Other parents do help with lifts sometimes but still..

I cannot reduce my hours as ex contributes next to nothing (long storey) so I need a full time wage to make ends meet.

AIBU in just finding the pace of live overwhelming?

Op, slow down!

I was just think about this the other day. i loved how life was in the few months after lock down. We were free to do as we please again but it seemed as though everybody had got used to a slower pace of life. There was less pressure and everybody around me seemed happier, more available and more relaxed. I’m trying to not ramp it up again and let the pressures pile on.

This time of the year is also so hectic, and the schedule we had that is normally manageable seems overwhelming this month. Can you afford to pay for some help too, e.g. cleaner? I'm have a couple of days holidays left that I was going to carry over but I'm actually going to book two days off between now and Christmas to take the pressure off me getting everything done in the evenings and weekends, I'll worry about next year next year. Would that be possible for you?

Out of your list I would allow swimming and one other favourite sport each.

They don't need all this (as someone who was ruthlessly overscheduled as a child). It's about what they get out of each club, not just the turning up.

They need to be able to swim, so do that.
Are they brilliant at football? Then do that too.
Do they have a lovely close bunch of friends at gymnastics? Then do your best to facilitate that.

But I bet they aren't a rising star in all of their sports. I bet they could take or leave some of their team mates.

If it's just a case of turning up every week and going through the motions I guarantee they're not getting as much out of it as you think and would be better off having some quality down time at home. Even watching tv and having a pizza as a family will probably stick out as a better memory than hauling yourselves to gymnastics twice a week every bloody week.

Sorry OP, bah humbug 😂

There seems so be so much pressure nowadays to have planned activities/clubs. OP, do you get to spend any time at home, playing with the kids, reading together, watching films, gardening, cooking? I would consider all of these daily things so important for children, not everything has to be organised for it to be worthwhile and enriching.
I remember loving Sundays at home, being in our pjs until lunchtime, making dens out of sofa cushions, watching weekend tv. Kids need downtime too, I bet if you keep up the routine you currently have they will eventually burn out.

In the nicest way, I think you’re all doing way too much. Some of the activities have to give. A pj Sunday will do you all the world of good.

OP, I feel your pain and DH is here too and it's still hard. My DC are similar age - 11 and 7. The activities are a challenge but I think part of that you know the DC love it and want to do it. Is the 11 year old in year 6 or year 7 - what's been life changing for us is Ds moving to high school and so now he does football and rugby at school rather than us having to drag him round to clubs etc.

Also agree re chores. People will tell you their children are practically doing everything which just isn't what I see in real life. BUT.... you can start getting them onto things. DS unloads the dishwasher (albeit not as often as I'd like) and DD vacuums and cleans the stairs and landings routinely. DS also makes his own snacks and drinks etc after school and DD is starting to do the same and both are better about packing and sorting their own bags for activities/school etc.

Is there anyone at any of the activities you can do a deal with? We take turns to do the karate run with DS and one of his buddies so at least every fortnight we're not doing that run. We also have two families we're close to where we all do each other regular quick last minute favours/ lifts. As long as it's mutually beneficial, it can be a lifesaver to know you can rely on someone to do a last minute pick up or take a DC for a few hours as long as your'e willing to do the same for them.

Give them daily chores. At those ages they can do most things.

dc had to load and unload dishwashers, sort the clean laundry and take up to the relevant bedroom, hoover and tidy their rooms. Everyone had to help lay the table and clear away after dinner each night.

could you use Sunday afternoon to cook for the week? The dc could help. This week I did a Sunday roast, a batch of mince which I used for both chilli and a lasagne, and then curry (mainly using roast leftovers - chicken, carrots and roast potatoes). It meant I didn’t have to cook an evening meal until Thursday.

No, the problem is with you not being able to sense the irony.

I think the problem is with the infantilisation of perfectly capable children.

I'm all for getting children to do some chores but my 7 year old can't even reach the stove... how on earth is she going to make pasta pesto!? Your expectations do seem a bit high.

My 11 year old can do a lot of the stuff on your list, but not the 7 year old.

Asking children to do chores is helpful for everyone including them. I know of sixth formers who have never even made themselves a sandwich and wouldn’t have a clue how to do a loaf of washing. It’s a parenting failure. Getting them to do chores is a win win situation

I recognise that poster’s name and she has a husband and one baby/toddler daughter. It’s utterly laughable for her to be saying that OP’s 7 and 11 year old sons in a single parent household should be, themselves, fitting a long list of housework tasks including independent meal-making around school and daily extracurriculars. DH and I couldn’t get all that lot done if we had something on every night.

I think the problem is most people's expectations are far too low. My toddler can bake a cake following verbal instructions, she stands on a step! Pasta pesto is the simplest possible meal - cook pasta, open jar - I think it's quite concerning that so many people think a 7yr old isn't capable of that.

She weighs everything out and mixes it all perfectly, then pours it into the cake tin and puts it into the hot oven? ooh, check you out.... you have the next Marco Pierre White.

My DD has been helping me bake since she was a toddler too. Doesn't mean she's old enough, strong enough or secure enough to boil water on the stove then drain pasta when she can't even reach the stove. She is learning to cook pancakes, standing on a stool. But she has to use a smaller frying pan because, and again, I feel I must emphasise this, she's still very small.

She can and does get herself a snack, cut up an apple, pour herself a drink, make a simple ham sandwich etc. She can put pesto in a pre-cooked and drained bowl of pasta, no problem. But I know few people who expect someone who is only 3 ft tall to actually use a stove safely. Talk to me again when your DD is 7!

LOL x100. I'm surprised your toddler didn't have to do laundry.

I find it impossible and I have a husband who does most of the childcare. YANBU at all. I have huge admiration for you doing all this on your own.

My kids did a lot of chores but at seven taking a pan of boiling water and pasta and draining it would have been dangerous. The pan is heavy and they’re little.

yes putting the pasta into cold water and turning on the hob is fine. Stiring in pesto is simple, but draining the pasta is not a safe job for most seven year olds.

Too many organised activities are not good. They need down time at home and an opportunity to be creative.

Im surprised they don’t do any chores. My kids are 3 and 6. The oldest tidies away toys, puts dirty washing in the basket, puts clean folded clothes in the drawers, now the youngest sets the table she does the water glasses, they both scrap their plates and put them next to the dishwasher. Just small every day things which makes a difference.

My set up is very similar to yours op except I only have 1, I dont know how you cope with all.those activities every night! Mine only has swimming and on those nights I find it so stressful. I think they need to cut back for now. I also have a cleaner and without her inreally do struggle to keep.on top of things, if you reduce the activities could you budget for a cleaner? I know it seems frivolous but the difference it makes as a single working mum is incredible and you have to make sure you are not burning yourself out

I know you said it's a long story but their father should be contributing financially and also supporting his DC with attending activities and spending time with them. Why are you going all of this on your own?

The thing about kids doing chores is that it takes much longer and they do it badly for a while until they get competent at it. Obviously in the long run they need to do it but if you've got 20 mins to get tea on the table before gymnastics then supporting a 7 year old to make pasta is not feasible. You can't just click your fingers and your children become competent chefs and housekeepers, it takes time and support and patience.

Possibly the most unhelpful post I've read in a while. Believe it or not, forcing a man to be a dad is not that easy.

I didn't say she should force him? I just questioned why one parent is run ragged and heading for a breakdown while the other is nowhere to be seen. Why should we ignore the fact that these children have another parent who apparently takes no interest or responsibility?

Me too op, I'm on my knees. shovelling down a sandwich as I type this then rushing back to work/chores and no chance of sitting down this evening or having a relaxing weekend, just a tsunami of shit to do.

Good grief that's loads!! Cut back with after school activities, one or two maximum is more than enough per week.