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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think you should let your host know if you're arriving with an infection?

93 replies

Coughybreak · 01/12/2022 14:07

A friend of a friend recently asked if she could stay a couple of days with us, as she was going to an event within easy reach of our house. We made her welcome, and spent some time with her.

The morning she left she was coughing, and when I asked if there was anything I could do to help, she said she'd had a virus for several days and it had probably got worse because of travelling, but she'd be ok. She hadn't shown any symptoms that I\d recognised.

I caught the virus, which knocked me down for most of a week, and passed it on to DH was was ill for the next week. Obviously not as fit as our visitor! We both have health conditions, which she knew about.

If I was carrying an infectious disease, even a minor one such as a cold, I'd always let my host know in advance and wear a mask. In fact, wouldn't stay with people unless I had to.
AIBU to expect others to do the same?

OP posts:

dancingqueen123 · 02/12/2022 09:38

This thread is very alarmist.

GrapesAreMyJam · 02/12/2022 09:50

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

thing47 · 02/12/2022 10:49

Do people who think the OP is being unreasonable not see the difference between needing to shop/take kids to school/go to work etc, and going to stay in the home of someone who is a 'friend of a friend'? The first three are all perfectly acceptable reasons to be out and about when you are ill because they are part and parcel of normal everyday life, whereas the last is not, because it's not essential and the risks of passing on whatever you have are exponentially higher due to the prolonged exposure.

We all have to do our own risk assessments as to what we are happy with, but you do owe it to someone whose house you are planning to stay in to give them all the pertinent information so that they can make their own risk assessment. Withholding that information because it might interfere with your plans is selfish.

And as to the poster who asked whether you would really disinvite someone who told you they were ill – yes, have done that recently and would do so again. Relatives who were due to visit kindly informed us that one of them had a bad cough and I politely said that in that case I'm afraid we'd have to postpone. I'm very grateful they had the decency to let us know.

gamerchick · 02/12/2022 11:09

Like seriously. Yeah I have a cold but I'm going to this celebration thing of a friend who starts a new job Monday. Cough cough, sneeze, congratulations, hope it goes well. Or popping over to see a friend who has a first date at the weekend. Just because you think people need to get over themselves, it's just a cold crap? Or taking some virus to stay in someone's house

People can catch a cold anywhere yes. There's no need to deliberately spread it for no reason though. At least ask if they mind first.

Brain boggles.

NaughtyKnee · 02/12/2022 11:21

gamerchick · 02/12/2022 11:09

People can catch a cold anywhere yes. There's no need to deliberately spread it for no reason though. At least ask if they mind first.

Brain boggles.

But OP's guest wasn't coughing and sneezing. Her symptoms were so mild OP didn't notice them until the last day. Surely during winter that's how most of us feel every day.

aSofaNearYou · 02/12/2022 11:24

Her symptoms were so mild OP didn't notice them until the last day. Surely during winter that's how most of us feel every day.

I always wonder if people that say this are very susceptible to illness. No it isn't how I feel every day, and I have a DC in nursery. I'm not permanently unwell, it's once every couple of months at most.

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/12/2022 11:25

ThisGirlNever · Yesterday 14:17
People get ill. I don't see the big deal.

Is this something you'd have worried about before the COVID hysteria?

Do you expect people in your day to day life to announce minor ailments?“”

Yes. Our kids are adults. We always cancelled other people when any of us had a virus with symptoms.
you may be fine, others won’t necessarily be. It’s called consideration.

been and done it. · 02/12/2022 11:28

ThisGirlNever · 01/12/2022 14:17

People get ill. I don't see the big deal.

Is this something you'd have worried about before the COVID hysteria?

Do you expect people in your day to day life to announce minor ailments?

Minor ailments for some, not so much for others. If my grandchildren have colds my daughter stays away from me same with SD bugs. It's appallingly rude to rock up to a friend's house pass on your lergy and piss off home. From a personal perspective I am immuno compromised and catching anything is pretty dire.

MadelineUsher · 02/12/2022 11:28

YANBU. That is heinous behaviour. Anyone who says otherwise is amoral, ignorant, or a callow personage blessed with rude good health.

NaughtyKnee · 02/12/2022 11:30

aSofaNearYou · 02/12/2022 11:24

Her symptoms were so mild OP didn't notice them until the last day. Surely during winter that's how most of us feel every day.

I don't think I'm "suseptible" in that I fight most of these things off without them amounting to anything, but I work in school, if I cancelled plans everytime I felt I might have a cold coming, I'd never go anywhere.

And you're probably the same. A slight headache or sore throat and you put it down as "nothing" and carry on as normal, it's only when the full symptoms come out you realise you had something brewing, which is probably what happened to OP's guest.

Lochjeda · 02/12/2022 11:32

She was being unreasonable but its not an infectious disease.

been and done it. · 02/12/2022 11:33

girlmom21 · 01/12/2022 16:03

She stayed a few days but only had symptoms on the morning she was leaving - so when should she have told you?

Worst case, she was poorly before she came but felt better to be able to travel.

She told them on her departure she had been ill prior to arriving but thought the travelling had made things worse.

VickyEadieofThigh · 02/12/2022 11:35

It's good manners. Last December, we rented a holiday cottage and invited good friends to come and share it with us for a few days (we paid). I got a virus just before we went - cold and cough, not Covid but unpleasant- and as both friends have conditions that render them vulnerable, I immediately told them. They opted not to come.

aSofaNearYou · 02/12/2022 11:37

I don't honestly experience those symptoms that often and when I do I know I'm getting ill, but her phrasing it as "I've had a virus for several days" heavily implies she was aware of it.

MadelineUsher · 02/12/2022 11:41

Lochjeda · 02/12/2022 11:32

She was being unreasonable but its not an infectious disease.

It precisely is an infectious disease! Which is why both the OP and her husband caught it.

Duchess379 · 02/12/2022 12:02

That's a real pissy thing to do from your friend. If I've got a cold/chest infection etc I cancel plans. Wouldn't dream of infecting others with it. I had some sort of chest infection at the beginning of the year & wore a mask in my own home so my elderly, in ill health parents didn't catch it 🥺 x

Ciri · 02/12/2022 12:06

yanbu. I have covid. I know I got it from my cleaner who came twice coughing and looking ropey and each time said “don’t worry I’ve got antibiotics”. I literally haven’t seen anyone else this week. Im now in bed feeling really rough.

iklboo · 02/12/2022 14:29

She was being unreasonable but its not an infectious disease.

That's just bloody semantics. She knew she had a virus which she passed on to OP & her husband making them ill. Especially as they have underlying medical conditions. If they were immuno compromised it could have been fatal.

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