to think you should let your host know if you're arriving with an infection?

[Coughybreak]

A friend of a friend recently asked if she could stay a couple of days with us, as she was going to an event within easy reach of our house. We made her welcome, and spent some time with her.

The morning she left she was coughing, and when I asked if there was anything I could do to help, she said she'd had a virus for several days and it had probably got worse because of travelling, but she'd be ok. She hadn't shown any symptoms that I\d recognised.

I caught the virus, which knocked me down for most of a week, and passed it on to DH was was ill for the next week. Obviously not as fit as our visitor! We both have health conditions, which she knew about.

If I was carrying an infectious disease, even a minor one such as a cold, I'd always let my host know in advance and wear a mask. In fact, wouldn't stay with people unless I had to.
AIBU to expect others to do the same?

That tells you that viruses are passed from one person to another. Covid is a virus!

I find it rude not to mention it.

I visited my cousin last year. He asked if I'd been in contact with anyone who has covid because his son has chronic lung disease. I said no. A few days later I got a notification that I'd been in contact with someone who has tested positive.

I visited a friend a few months before lockdown. After i turned up he tells me that he has a cold. I caught it and spent the next few weeks feeling like rubbish. If I'd known he had a cold I wouldn't have gone.

D&V I wouldn’t go (but would probably feel too ill to. Colds, meh. It wouldn’t have crossed my mind before covid so I won’t change now. Oh and I refuse to meet precious people outside in the freezing cold and rain because of their hangups.

Lots of people keep health conditions to themselves. I never assume I know every single in and out of anyone's life or health
If someone's health is so bad that a friend blowing their nose in their vicinity is likely to cause a medical emergency and serious illness, their friends are likely to know. Unless the person manages to never leave their home or come into contact with any member of the public for 3/4 of the year without any of their friends noticing, which is highly unlikely.

If someone is unwell with a bad cold or nasty virus, they should call and cancel.
If they've got the sniffles then life goes on.

Pushing it onto a host is rude in my opinion because it pushes the host into a corner.

Presumably if she had no noticeable symptoms it was something very minor. I had a virus weeks ago and am still coughing, although highly unlikely to be spreading anything now.

At this time of year you could have caught a bug just about anywhere, there's no guarantee you caught whatever mild virus she had.

She shouldn't have stayed with you in this case, very rude that she didn't mention it.
We had a similar situation with a close family member. After the visit, I started coughing after only having shifted a terrible cough a couple of weeks prior. Mentioned it offhand, which is when they told me they "felt absolutely dreadful all of the previous week" and had been "feeling like death" when we arrived. Not one word mentioned beforehand. Of course me, the kids and DP all came down with it. DP spent almost 3 weeks barely managing to work he was so poorly. All family member did was chuckle that it must have been them who gave it to us and "isn't it awful, I felt like I was dying with it." 🙄

Loics
Your relative was out of order. Nobody should be going out and about socialising if they're feeling unwell, even if some people like to exaggerate for effect. She's very selfish.

I was hoping post-covid we might see a change in people hauling themselves to social gatherings and work when they're blatantly unwell, but some people seem to be super spreaders.

You visit people when you have a lurgy don't you?

id be giving her both barrels me and tell her not to do that shit again. Selfish

Yeah it’s horrible. I had a friend round who had cold quite badly. I then came down with it. I get it’s hard to isolate but at least give people the option of choosing or not to be with a contagious person.

It's Ill manners not to prewarn someone you have a cold..always give people a chance on whether they want to catch something or not. It's selfish.

Of course. Even before covid if I was going to stay with someone I’d let them know and give them the choice whether to rearrange or not. It’s very rude

Wut? Did you really say that? fucking hell

She should have cancelled
I'd have said that pre covid

i've just had my third bout of pneumonia a month or so ago. The second one happened after a friend turned up for lunch with a streaming cold and sat opposite me.

if it happens again, I'm leaving (as the song says).

If you have a health condition it's very bad form for your guest to knowingly enter your home and infect you. However mild it might seem you can't risk spreading it to vulnerable people.

Colds can be caught anywhere yes, but to knowingly visit and infect your host is really poor manners.

Yes. If I'm up and about, I'd happily attend social gatherings. That's how we lived before all the hypochondriacs started feeling empowered by COVID.

I have a son in nursery. If I didn't leave the house when ill, with the illnesses he's brought back from nursery, I'd never go anywhere.

It's fine as long as you ask first. It's not about being a hypochondriac deliberately spreading your germs around without at least giving people the heads up is supremely selfish.

If you're friends with someone who has a health condition, surely you'd know and adapt accordingly.

DH is currently on immunosuppresants and anti-rejection drugs. You're absolutely right to assume all our close friends and family know this – and the implications for meet-ups – but OP said the person in question was a friend of a friend. I certainly wouldn't expect all our friends' friends to know the state of DH's health, no.

Yes. If I'm up and about, I'd happily attend social gatherings. That's how we lived before all the hypochondriacs started feeling empowered by COVID.

People that didn't like it before. Them standing up for not thinking it's right without prior warning when avoidable is not something that needs squashing.

Absolutely this @ThisGirlNever. No one is saying don't go out or don't see anyone when you have a cold or other illness, but that's a choice you get to make having weighed up the pros and cons of how ill you feel. It's just common decency and manners to give someone else the opportunity to make their own choice as to whether they want to risk catching it from you! Nothing to do with health anxiety or hypochondria.

Doesn't look like the app has quoted gamerchick's wise points but you get the idea!

Thanks, you 85%, for reassuring me IANBU! You all sound like good friends to have. You'd be welcome here any time (after DH and I stop coughing).

Commiserations to all those who have told their horror stories. I really am gobsmacked that people can be so selfish and callous, especially to those with children. It's bad enough feeling like something the cat dragged in, without trying to nurse and comfort your sick children at the same time.

I hope everyone who is currently suffering gets well soon.

From what you describe she had a slight cold, the cough only starting on her last morning. She didn’t turn up sneezing and blowing her nose at you.

I think you’re unkind to blame her for having a minor cold. It’s endemic. Blaming someone is petty.

if it was D&V you’d have a point.

I work in school. I wake up practically every day with a slightly scratchy throat or runny nose. Some of those develop into something more, most don't, but according to this thread I should never socialise at all, just in case? Maybe I should stay away from work too?

I don’t think socialising is the issue (well I don’t mind if people come out with a cold I just won’t kiss them!) it’s more visitors: sharing bathrooms etc I think you’re more likely to pick up something than out.