to think you should let your host know if you're arriving with an infection?

[Coughybreak]

A friend of a friend recently asked if she could stay a couple of days with us, as she was going to an event within easy reach of our house. We made her welcome, and spent some time with her.

The morning she left she was coughing, and when I asked if there was anything I could do to help, she said she'd had a virus for several days and it had probably got worse because of travelling, but she'd be ok. She hadn't shown any symptoms that I\d recognised.

I caught the virus, which knocked me down for most of a week, and passed it on to DH was was ill for the next week. Obviously not as fit as our visitor! We both have health conditions, which she knew about.

If I was carrying an infectious disease, even a minor one such as a cold, I'd always let my host know in advance and wear a mask. In fact, wouldn't stay with people unless I had to.
AIBU to expect others to do the same?

She stayed a few days but only had symptoms on the morning she was leaving - so when should she have told you?

Worst case, she was poorly before she came but felt better to be able to travel.

You don't visit someone's house if you are I'll unless you check with them beforehand.

And yes, even before covid that was a decent thing to do.

Lots of people are immunosuppressed- they may not always make it full public knowledge. Or they may have family members who are vulnerable to viruses and certain illnesses,

It's common courtesy to just say 'oh I'm a bit rough with this bug that's going round, you okay for me to still come or would you rather I postpone?'

We've done that for years, as have friends who come and stay with us. Why wouldn't you?

No, especially a sexually transmitted one :P HA

Statements like these confuse me

Before covid, I regarded it as totally normal and expected that someone would say "by the way, I have a cold. Shall I still come?"

I can't think of any occasion when my response wasn't "don't worry about it", but if I had a reason to then I would have had the option to decline.

For some people, getting a cold is a big deal due to health conditions. I'm amazed that people weren't aware of this before covid.

Rude not to tell you.

Years ago we had a party for DD1 a couple of days before we were moving abroad. Neighbour DDs came but were a bit mopey and didn't want to join in. Turned out they had both been sick a few times in the morning but mum had sent them over anyway.

Of course we all caught it which made the last couple of days of packing up delightful!

For some people, getting a cold is a big deal due to health conditions. I'm amazed that people weren't aware of this before covid.
If you're friends with someone who has a health condition, surely you'd know and adapt accordingly.

Pre COVID it never crossed my mind to tell another adult that I might need to blow my nose in their presence if I was invited round for a coffee because life doesn't stop for the sniffles.

I think giving the hosts the choice is a horrible thing to do. Would anyone really feel comfortable canceling guests because they tell you they think they might have a cold coming?

If you're going to be sociable, you're going to catch things. If you don't like people, stay away from them.

I think it is so rude.

I always tell my family and friends to let me know if they are sick as it wipes me out.
I was supposed to be going on holiday tomorrow.

My in laws came over and by mid visit evident with tears streaming and coughing and my brother in law was telling me how he couldn't sleep all night, aches, pains the lot.

Fast forward a week ago. Me and children came down with it. I'm having coughing fits every 10 minutes even now, and I've got a massive cold sore on my nose that resembles an impetigo outbreak (happens after every cold/flu) so my little break away is truly wrecked.

It's just ducking selfish.
No1 is that special to infect people unnecessarily

That's exactly what a virus is!

Do you have such poor manners that you thinks its ok to spread your germs to other people?

It's a fucking nightmare when you are immune surpressed. Even the mildest cold to you can make someone who is immune suppressed extremely ill

Pre COVID it never crossed my mind to tell another adult that I might need to blow my nose in their presence if I was invited round for a coffee because life doesn't stop for the sniffles.

It can if you're immuno suppressed. Quite literally.

It can if you're immuno suppressed. Quite literally.
This card keeps being played as if people don't know their friends. 🙄

Yanbu. I do my best to avoid illness and would not be impressed by anyone knowingly bringing it into my house.

Lots of people keep health conditions to themselves. I never assume I know every single in and out of anyone's life or health

Yes? That's why they're asking! I would just explain the reason why. It's hardly a big deal.

Which virus?

How do you know you've got a virus, if you've done a test surely you say what it is How did she know?

I had a friend that wouldn't mention that they were ill before I would turn up to visit, they would know days before that they were ill and that I was visiting, so had plenty of time to send quick text giving me the option to avoid them until the following week. I also realised this friend was selfish and inconsiderate in other ways eventually and so I no longer bother with them much, hence I 'had' a friend.

I cancelled a day trip the other week stomach upset which I didn't want to pass onto mum, dad three small children. I still remember the washing when mine were ill 🙈

OK. A virus leads to a disease. That's just semantics.

I would be bothered if someone cancelled over that or fretted that they should cancel.

Yanbu. Especially stomach bugs, which seem to be a favourite to hide.

Go ahead and split hairs if that's your hobby, @ShimmeringShirts, but let's get the facts straight. The virus is the thing that causes the disease. But we tend to say "I caught a virus" rather than "I had a set of disease symptoms caused by the action of a virus that entered my body". @Anonymous48 isn't wrong, just using everyday language like I did.

The link you posted is confusing. It's actually trying to explain the difference between a bacterium ('bacteria' is the plural) and a virus. Either may cause disease. Doctors need to know what caused your symptoms because you can treat a bacterial infection with antibiotics, but they're useless against a viral infection. (That's why we thank god for vaccination against flu or covid.)

Different bodies react differently. That's why some people died or went into intensive care when they caught covid-19, whereas others hardly noticed they'd had it. I have a friend I now only meet outdoors or on Zoom, because he is so susceptible to infection. I wouldn't think I was much of a friend if I put him at risk.

I didn't notice her symptoms because they were mild at the time she visited, though I heard they got worse on her way home.