To get a cleaner without DH knowing?

[Toastedflatbread]

The reason I don’t want him to know is not due to abuse or anything - it’s just that he is lazy, a bit with regards to housework but mostly with regards to our toddler.

I could and probably should do some housework when toddler is asleep but I’m absolutely shattered and I just want a bit of time to myself. Plus I do bits as everyone has to as otherwise no clean clothes and so on. But actually cleaning the bathroom, oven, mopping floors and so on, is hard.

So is it really awful to have a cleaner and just not tell DH? Because if I tell him he’ll just say oh it’s OK and make a plan that won’t be stuck to!

Yes cleaner, no to secret. Mainly because it sets an unreasonable precedent for what you can manage and achieve forever. Also it's bleeding obvious when the cleaner has been imo. Also secrets are bad.

Just get a cleaner and tell him. I had a cleaner - my other half persuaded me to let her go as he would be taking on more household duties. That was in August and I haven’t seen him pick up a mop yet.

Yeah do it. Book them and once you’ve done that you might feel like mentioning it. I’m sure you’ll end up mentioning it fairly soon anyway.

My OH felt the same, that we didn't need a cleaner. "We can manage".

Me: Fine, you do the cleaning (weekly) for 3 weeks on your own. The first time it doesn't get done we get a cleaner. End of week 1 - we got a cleaner

I wouldn't hide it though. It makes it look as though you are doing something wrong. Which you aren't

I don’t know that I’d necessarily hide it as such but I need to do it and have the cleaner come a few times to make it an established fact. If it’s something I’m planning to do it won’t happen.

I can, and do, do this. I’m a SAHM and do all the childcare, cooking and cleaning. With two young kids sometimes everything just gets on top of me and I fall behind so what I do is every now and then - not too often, maybe every 6 weeks or so, I hire a cleaner to come and give the house a good clean and I don’t tell dh. I don’t think he’d even mind to be honest but sometimes I do think he thinks I just sit around all day! I either pay for it from my own money (and as far as I’m concerned it’s money very well spent) or i siphon bits and pieces off the housekeeping or from the joint account. I turn off the ring doorbell on that day too so he doesn’t suspect a thing! He comes home and he’s happy the house is nice and clean, I’m happy the house is nice and clean while I’ve been able to either just concentrate on the kids or do something nice for myself. In between the cleaner I just try to do maintenance cleaning and bathrooms as and when I can.

I wouldn't ask/tell him in advance, but I also don't get why you need to keep it a secret.

I'd just book the cleaner, have them come, tell him after their first visit that you've booked them and leave it at that.

If he says, 'Oh we don't need a cleaner, I'll do it' or 'I think you should cancel them', tell him to do his best, demonstrate what he can do and you'll review the situation together in 6 weeks' time.

Why on earth have you bumped this nearly six month old thread?

😂😊. Oops, no idea why this appeared in my feed!

... but hope you resolved the issue anyway 😚!