To just to be left alone when working?

[22FrustatedUser]

WFH in new job.

Been in office the last 4 working days for on site training, completely new field as I've retrained and need to focus on it, in the office was fab, head down get on with it.

At home, have a dedicated office.

Parnter works self employed part time, very adhoc hours sometimes out of the house but not often, semi retired, doesn't socialise.

Always unwritten and known rule, door shut on office = keep out, I need to focus or on a call.
Despite this though partner will still open the door and put down a hot drink when they have made one or will enquire if I want one.

All through last year this would get to a point where I said, Thanks but no thanks if I want a drink, lunch I'll get it myself, I'm fine. As I found even just the act of a "Do you want a drink?" would throw me off my train of thought and if I said no thanks, I'd get an invite to a conversation starting up when I just need to focus. Partner was put out that I would ask to chat at lunch instead, or I'd come out if I was on a break.

Went unheeded. Quite a few snappy moments where I would say "Honestly I'm fine, just leave it, I appreciate the gesture but I'm good."

It got the point where the door handle would turn with yet another "Hot drink?" and I was starting to snap "I'm good thanks!" but they'd still put the coffee/hot drink down if they'd made one or about to ask.

This will happen an upward of 6 times a day.

Today with new role and trying to undertake bespoke software training on Teams, trying to pre empt it I got a coffee before starting, 20 minutes later, I still got a fucking cup of coffee on my desk. Partner tried to open the door and I immediately kept my hand on the door to keep it closed as I was at a point of needing to concentrate. Resulted in an argument which as led to me being called "Ungrateful sod when only trying to do the decent thing and they are thinking of me." But I've said time and time again NOT too.

Please tell me I'm not alone in finding this infuriating at my requests to be left alone, or am I being a miserable bastard?

He's bored and looking to you for entertainment. YANBU.

He needs to understand that WFH isn't a free gig where you can do as you please. He needs to pretend you aren't there. When you come out the office, its like you popping back home at lunchtime to let the dog out, or something. Otherwise, he needs to get it in his head that you are at work.

Office door closed - I'm not here. This room is an alternate reality where I don't exist.
Door open/you are in the communal area - I exist and we can chat 😁

Failing that, get a lock for the door!

You don't have to be grateful for something that is an inconvenience imposed on you that you have expressly stated you don't want!

I'd get a flaming lock.

Wow - he's only bring you a drink, I think YAB a bit U.

If you were in the office you would get way more interruptions than that, I don't really get how someone putting a hot drink on your desk throws you off what you are doing.

Put a sliding bolt on the inside of the door and put it across when you are working. No chance of him barging in then. Although I wouldn't have an issue with him dropping in a 'silent' coffee next to me.

Christ I don’t know how you’ve kept your patience! It’s not a nice gesture or something to be grateful for if you’ve asked them not to do it.

He's shown he doesn't care about your needs, so I would buy a lock for the door and use it.

Post it note on outside of door saying “no thank you” 🙂

Because it's incredibly distracting to have someone come in while you're concentrating to ask you silly questions.

OP also isn't there to entertain him and make him feel useful. She's working. He needs to find some other way to occupy his time.

YANBU at all. Completely get what you mean about it ruining your concentration and then you got drawn into a conversation.
My DH was like this when he was furloughed and I was WFH & when I read your post I was instantly irritated remembering it!

Rent office space if working at home with constant got drinks is so detrimental to your ability to concentrate

On the surface he's being nice, but he's undermining you. It isn't "kind" to keep forcing something on someone when they've repeatedly said no. It's wrong to disturb someone when they're working. It's extremely wrong to barge in through a closed door and disturb a meeting.
Seems to me he's resentful of your job and the attention that you're giving to it instead of pointlessly fannying around the house with him.
But you'll get lots of "awww, he's just being niiice!" on here.

Or her husband could leave her alone to work and stop pestering her like a needy toddler 🙄

My DH does this, he too wth and if its not having a day with lots of chatty meetings I can tell because he'll be in to see me many times.

He's lonely/bored. Yanbu to want to not be disturbed, a door stop should do it. But can't you build some scheduled breaks into your day and go and seek him out for a quick chat for the sake of his mh? You'd do it if it was the dog.

He is bored and stupid. I would tell him to do the washing up, the gardening, walk the dog, do the shopping, the cooking, the laundry, the ironing etc…and by the time he’s done he’ll be spent and you’ll probably finish working too so that’s that.

She works from home. I only disturb him if it is unavoidable - I basically carry on my day as if I were at home alone.

@22FrustatedUser has asked her she not to go in if the door is shut, and said she doesn’t need a food and beverage service, and he is taking no notice of what she has said - that isn’t him being kind or thoughtful and I don’t blame her for being annoyed.

Arghh - not ‘She works from home’ - that should say dh works from home.

I should proofread.

To be honest, melting down over a hot drink, assuming he doesn't then want a long chat, seems a bit much and I'm not sure why it's such an imposition.

However, having said that, if you've specifically said you don't want a hot drink and asked that hot drinks are not provided, then YANBU to be irritated that this simple request is being ignored.

The single problem here is that he doesn't respect you enough to take what you are telling him as important.

You've explained. He refuses to accept it. This is so fucking rude!

He needs to listen and actually take it in YANBU

If he can’t/won’t stop then get yourself some airpods pro or something so you can’t hear him.

You don't have to get it. She doesn't like the distraction, she's said thanks but mo thanks, she has explained that she doesn't appreciate it and it needs to stop.

And he is still doing it.

Why are you incapable of having a Conversation? Sit him down, and say, "there's something important, I need to talk to you about. When I'm working, I know you are trying to be kind but ...."

Stop snapping at him and making snidey comments. Sit him down and have a proper conversation with him. FGS.

Have you actually said, ‘Please stop coming into the room. You’re distracting me from my work. I can’t concentrate.’ Some people don’t get the message if it’s not put really bluntly.

RTFT.

She's told him that already and he's continued to completely ignore her requests.

It's shitty and selfish behaviour.

Just put a chair behind the door!