To just to be left alone when working?

[22FrustatedUser]

WFH in new job.

Been in office the last 4 working days for on site training, completely new field as I've retrained and need to focus on it, in the office was fab, head down get on with it.

At home, have a dedicated office.

Parnter works self employed part time, very adhoc hours sometimes out of the house but not often, semi retired, doesn't socialise.

Always unwritten and known rule, door shut on office = keep out, I need to focus or on a call.
Despite this though partner will still open the door and put down a hot drink when they have made one or will enquire if I want one.

All through last year this would get to a point where I said, Thanks but no thanks if I want a drink, lunch I'll get it myself, I'm fine. As I found even just the act of a "Do you want a drink?" would throw me off my train of thought and if I said no thanks, I'd get an invite to a conversation starting up when I just need to focus. Partner was put out that I would ask to chat at lunch instead, or I'd come out if I was on a break.

Went unheeded. Quite a few snappy moments where I would say "Honestly I'm fine, just leave it, I appreciate the gesture but I'm good."

It got the point where the door handle would turn with yet another "Hot drink?" and I was starting to snap "I'm good thanks!" but they'd still put the coffee/hot drink down if they'd made one or about to ask.

This will happen an upward of 6 times a day.

Today with new role and trying to undertake bespoke software training on Teams, trying to pre empt it I got a coffee before starting, 20 minutes later, I still got a fucking cup of coffee on my desk. Partner tried to open the door and I immediately kept my hand on the door to keep it closed as I was at a point of needing to concentrate. Resulted in an argument which as led to me being called "Ungrateful sod when only trying to do the decent thing and they are thinking of me." But I've said time and time again NOT too.

Please tell me I'm not alone in finding this infuriating at my requests to be left alone, or am I being a miserable bastard?

How on earth would you function at work where there are plenty of distractions? He should however respect your wish. Maybe get a lock from amazon, the no drill ones and add it to the door handle

@PrincessConstance - can’t you see the difference between your situation, where your dh listens to you, when you ask him to stop something (eg. texting you during work hours), and @22FrustatedUser‘s situation, where she has repeatedly asked her dh to give her the time and space she needs, to concentrate on her work, and he has repeatedly ignored her polite requests?

Partner is being utterly annoying. Did make me laugh a bit though. sorry. It’s the bit where you had to actually hold the door shut in case ‘hot drink’ forces entry! It’s what I do with my spaniel!

Lock the door.

I used myself as an example because as a result of me not handling the texting issue sensitively he now never ever texts at all during work or pleasure. He'll call but no texts. At that time I had a rigid boss who hated any communication with outsiders even during lunch hr.
So as a result of that, communication via text and whats app is gone forever.
I think he needs to listen and the op needs to handle this sensitively.

I think the OP has tried to handle it sensitively, @PrincessConstance - and now her dh just needs to switch his ears on, listen to what she has said so many times, and stop bugging her.

If you (tactfully) said to your dh “I need two hours to concentrate and get this done, please can you leave me alone?”, would he do as you asked? I’m getting the impression that he would. So your situation is different to the OP’s - she has asked over and over again, but he wilfully ignores her reasonable requests for some peace to work.

Yanbu he’s forcing contact, it’s selfish. I’m not sure a lock on the door will do the trick because he may start knocking the door.

You’ll need to broach the subject again and ask him if he is feeling lonely/unhappy/resentful about you working at home. This offer of a hot drink isn’t an offer, it’s a command.

What does he do in the spare hours he’s not working and you’re at your workplace?

YANBU in the slightest as long as you never drink the drinks.

You say ‘unwittingly’, I wholeheartedly disagree. This is deliberate because he doesn’t think her boundaries are worth respecting, he thinks he’s more important.

6 times a day? I’d need a new patio by now!

My DH did this during covid when he was working from home and I hated it for several reasons. I got interrupted when I was concentrating. I drink a variety of herbal teas and I wouldn't get to choose which one I wanted, it was chosen for me (sounds petty but after months of not being able to choose it feels very infantalising)

and more importantly me getting up and making a cup of tea is what gets me up and moving away from my desk. If someone keeps bringing me tea, then I only get up to go to the loo which is right next door so I was going weeks barely moving except at lunch time. It's not healthy.

YANBU. I have friends - a couple - who work from home. They use different rooms at opposite ends of their house and don’t see each other all day, unless they’re both in the kitchen at lunchtime. I imagine most couples who work from home do similar. To the person who said offices are full of distractions, 1. No distractions is one of the great things about WFH and 2. when working in an open plan office people very quickly learn not to be a nuisance.