How to respond: you’ll build a rod for your own back

[BigMama32]

My LB isn’t the best sleeper, he’s only 5 months (still teeny tiny in my eyes) and my husband and I pick him up or provide physical comfort every time he cries during sleep. We see comfort as a need too - I understand if that’s not everyone’s parenting choice and every family’s and babies needs are different.

Im struggling with how to respond when I get repeated “oh you’re building a rod for your own back there” comments from family/ in laws as obviously I want to be polite but also want to reply in a manner that firmly stops these comments for good.

I guess "get fucked" is out the question?

Our baby, our way of doing things. Future conversations on this aren't happening. All said with a happy smile. Walk away if they start.

How about "thanks, we're both happy with this approach while he's so little".

Or this ^^ is my suggestion doesn't work out.

“It’s my back”

There is nothing negative about responding to my child’s needs.

The rod being… security and him knowing you’re there for him 😄 what a terrible ‘rod’ to build!

This graphic says it all.

The idea that too much love and attention is bad for babies is wildly outdated and not what we now know to be true from literally decades of child development research, but the opinions persist. Babies cannot sooth themselves and need co-regulation from adults well into childhood. Comfort is a basic need like food, it builds feelings of safety and trust that lead to secure happy children as they grow. You’re doing it just right.

So you could say all of that. Or you could say ‘we’re happy with our parenting choices, thank you’ and ignore anything further.

This is what I would go with.

I don't get what these people are saying though. Pretty unlikely he's going to be asking for a cuddle several times a night when he's 17.

Just say 'we prefer to do it this way thanks' then punch them in the face

“Mind your own business”
or you can justify yourself but in my experience that just indulges the rude persons belief that it is their business.

Sorry I can’t be more helpful, but you’ll make a rod for your own back discussing your parenting with people who do this. Nip it in the bud with this issue before you wean and your child’s diet has to go through the family committee.

“Ah, but it’s my rod and my back, so don’t worry about it”

I used to shrug and say oh well, if I do I do.

People rarely know what to say to that.

“I’m very happy for the rod for my back being a secure and contented child.”

ohhhh there’s nothing I’d love more

I KNEW before I opened the thread that this would be about holding your baby.
I used to get it all the time with my ds.
Honestly by picking him up every time he cries you are showing him that when he is upset, distressed, in pain or just can't sleep his mammy and daddy will hold and comfort him and help him to settle/relieve his pain/cuddle him if that's what he needs.

By not holding him and responding to his cries you would be teaching him that no matter how upset he is no one is coming. That's a heartbreaking thought.

It's your job to care for your baby, I would honestly just tell them to mind their own business. Or tell them to fuck off. You can't love a baby too much. You, as his parents know best what he needs. No other opinions matter.

@IncompleteSenten you know I was just thinking this would totally stump me if I got this response - THANK YOUUUU

Yes, there's nothing worse than a child that knows they are loved.

Why do some people have such a problem with parents paying attention to/loving/cuddling/snuggling their own BABY when the baby is crying/upset???

Just be thankful they were never YOUR parent @BigMama32 You're a great mother!

As pps have said tell them 'nah I'm good ta. With my own style of parenting.' I mean a parent picking up a crying/upset baby? Who'd have thought it?

😂

That would totally be my response too. 💯

You see, I believe in babies learning to self settle so am in the 'Rod for your own back' camp. BUT I also believe that it's your baby so your choice! A shrug and a "it's how we prefer to deal with him" is all that's needed

I would tell them where I will be shoving that rod if they don't shut up 😉

“And?”

Honestly just smile, nod and ignore.

Alternatively: ohh great. DH and I have been looking for a rod for some sexy role play. Look then dead in the eye when you say it.