To pls ask for help with DD who is refusing to eat

[Helpwithdaughterpls]

DD (12) has been doing her best not to eat since Friday following some mean comments from 'friends' that she is 'always eating' (not true she has normal appetite and weight.

I noticed this behaviour on Friday and have since been stuck in a cycle of desperately trying to get food into her and crying constantly with fear and frustration. I know I shouldn't react in front of her but I'm terrified. I'm also her only parent.

Last night we sat down and she said she felt her eating was out of control. We agreed a plan of healthy food she'd eat today as she knows she has to try and reset her relationship with food. I've told her if she can work with me to stick to the plan then I'll cancel a booked GP appointment.

I realise I am probably over reacting and ignoring the whole situation might have allowed it to blow over more quickly, but when it comes to my children's health I am completely irrational. (Due to losing their father suddenly to an illness no one spotted).

I would really appreciates insights and experiences on others on how to tackle this. I understand it's not uncommon. Thank you.

@Helpwithdaughterpls is she eating at school? I assume she is back there now - she was off the other day. Good that she's eaten a sensible amount at the weekend.

I would plan to have lots of food she likes ready for after school/this evening. If you can/do meet her after school then you can give it to her earlier than if she walks home which could be much better for her - especially if she is feeling weak.

I would be making sure there is good hot food at home. A cooked breakfast. And thinking how I could encourage other friendships.

@PollyPut

School is the main issue. She doesn't want to eat in front of her friends. I've sent her in with healthy snacks that her friends can't criticise.

Unfortunately she's never been a breakfast eater, which was fine when she ate normally rest of day! I've persuaded some smoked salmon into her this morning and bought lots of tasty food for dinner. She's likely going to be into a pattern of getting most of her calories after school

@Helpwithdaughterpls I thought school might be the main issue based on what you said.

She might change her approach to breakfast eating temporarily. Scrambled eggs on toast or bagel are very quick and would keep her going a bit longer during the day.

There are lots of children who don't like school lunches who are getting a lot of calories, or vitamins, outside of school. Not ideal but keep going and supporting her.

@Helpwithdaughterpls just thinking about this some more - have you considered that others in her friendship group might be feeling like your DD due to the comments being made? Are there multiple girls not eating properly based on what one or two girls are saying to be mean? If so, it would change the dynamics of the situation somewhat and might be easier and quicker to resolve.

If breakfast isn't her thing, could she have a smoothie, hot chocolate or milk shake instead?

@PollyPut

I'm certain it's just her, as we're close with the 3rd girl in the group and her mum. But thank you

@AtleastitsnotMonday I tried a smoothie but she wasn't massively keen. Hot choc instead of tea would be some calories yes. Will try tomorrow

@Helpwithdaughterpls how did the hot choc go?

If they don't like texture of smoothie then try fruit juice. If they used to drink smoothies when younger then try different flavour smoothies until you find a flavour they like. Maybe experiment in the evening when there is less time pressure

Also, are there just 3 of them in this friendship group? I got the impression from your first post that it was many more than that. She's doing a lot to impress just two others - I would really be looking for friends elsewhere. Are there any clubs she can start that girls from her school go to which will help encourage new friendships?