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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel going to a weekend get together

56 replies

Merchantadventurer · 30/11/2022 08:32

I have a weekend away planned with some old school friends this weekend. It was planned with me in mind as the others have seen each other over the years as they live close but as I moved a fair distance away I have lost touch.

The primary reason for doing it now is that I have stage 4 cancer. I have felt fairly well but suffering now with some long term after affects of covid and medication side effects.

I had warned on booking I would probably only make one night as I wasn’t hugely well but things are getting worse and now I feel I can’t make it at all. I am struggling with fatigue and it has limited my mobility etc hugely. I can barely get dressed or get downstairs some days!

I messaged the organiser yesterday to say I would not be able to come and made sure to offer to pay my share for a two night stay. She has not replied.

I am now doubting myself. Should I have left it later to cancel? Should I have tried my best to go? Any advice or comments appreciated!

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 30/11/2022 08:37

They were probably looking forward to seeing you OP.

I'd try and go, even if you can't manage to do very much.

Poppyblush · 30/11/2022 08:45

Try and go!

chikp · 30/11/2022 08:48

If you can't make it you can't make it. They should understand and possibly even offer to come to yours to say hello if you're up for it.

Quitelikeit · 30/11/2022 08:49

Push through and try to go

however could be slightly awkward now you have said you are not going

even if you stay in your room and they order room service and eat in there

chikp · 30/11/2022 08:49

The thing is with something like this is only you know how you feel and if you can go or not.

OnlyFannys · 30/11/2022 08:51

You shouldnt feel any expectations or obligations when you are battling stage 4 cancer! Your friends should be understanding and offer to come to you instead, of course it was always going to be dependent on how you were feeling.

SunshineClouds1 · 30/11/2022 08:52

I'm sorry about your cancer.

Only you know how you feel and if you don't feel up to it don't go.
I know how whipped out my dad was with his stage 4 cancer, he wouldn't of had the energy to do it.

The no reply, she was probably looking forward to seeing you but your wellness is priority

Itloggedmeoutagain · 30/11/2022 08:56

You do what is right for you. Nobody else.
To those saying try and go, I have cared for both parents and a husband with stage 4 cancer and unless you've seen that level of fatigue you just don't get it.

Changingplace · 30/11/2022 08:56

I’m sorry you’re ill OP.

Your friend is maybe trying to find the right way to reply & was looking forward to seeing you.

Is the weekend away planned for far away from you?

Could they come to you for an afternoon/lunch or something rather than you having to travel anywhere if you’re feeling wiped out?

SparkyBlue · 30/11/2022 08:57

No one should be putting expectations and obligations on you right now. They are probably disappointed but you need to take care of yourself right now. You are the priority here.

chikp · 30/11/2022 08:57

SparkyBlue · 30/11/2022 08:57

No one should be putting expectations and obligations on you right now. They are probably disappointed but you need to take care of yourself right now. You are the priority here.

Yes. If ever there was a time to focus on your needs this is it.

Lucyintheskywithcubiczirconia · 30/11/2022 09:03

If you’re not feeling up to it then of course you were right to cancel and it sounds like you did it in a nice way. You don’t know why they haven’t replied yet but I would bet it’s because they’re agonising over how to reply, and whether to refuse your offer to pay.

chikp · 30/11/2022 09:05

Lucyintheskywithcubiczirconia · 30/11/2022 09:03

If you’re not feeling up to it then of course you were right to cancel and it sounds like you did it in a nice way. You don’t know why they haven’t replied yet but I would bet it’s because they’re agonising over how to reply, and whether to refuse your offer to pay.

Yes i imagine they are trying to organise it so they all cover yours or something like that

Original poster
Merchantadventurer · 30/11/2022 09:18

The meet up is an hour or so away. I would be getting the train as there is no way I could do the drive. The thought of walking to the train etc etc feels overwhelming.

I know I need to make an effort but the whole thing just makes me want to cry really!

OP posts:
Labradinger · 30/11/2022 09:20

I would be sad as I would be looking forward to seeing my friend, but in this situation I absolutely would understand you cancelling. Is there any way they could maybe try to come and see you at home for a few hours?

Cityzen74 · 30/11/2022 09:46

I think you need to do what is right for you and if you are not feeling up to travelling all that way then I think that is totally reasonable. If I was your friend I would totally understand. I think she is probably wondering how to reply as others have said.

Sending best wishes to you Flowers

laura786 · 30/11/2022 09:48

Is the trip refundable?

If so, is there somewhere closer to you that you could suggest so that you can just pop along for an hour or two to see everyone? Everyone else can make a weekend of it still plus they still get to see you which they are probably looking forward to?

Sparkletastic · 30/11/2022 09:51

If your friends could rally round and help e.g. drive you door to door, help you get washed and dressed, keep you fed with whatever you fancy etc would you want to go then? If yes then ask for their help, if still no then you've done exactly the right thing in cancelling.

FuckConvoGiveMeAForest · 30/11/2022 10:06

I can't believe people on here saying OP should "try and go" it's stage 4 cancer for fuck sake not tonsillitis!!

OnlyFannys · 30/11/2022 10:23

FuckConvoGiveMeAForest · 30/11/2022 10:06

I can't believe people on here saying OP should "try and go" it's stage 4 cancer for fuck sake not tonsillitis!!

I know 🤦‍♀️ its unbelievable. If there is one time in your life when you absolutely have no obligation to "try" and attend social occasions I think stage 4 cancer is it fgs

maddy68 · 30/11/2022 10:25

Why don't you pay and saysybe you were premature in caneling because you feel shitty right now. But you will see how you are then ...

If you can go , go you will have since fun

maddy68 · 30/11/2022 10:26

So many typos .... why no edit function

Rainallnight · 30/11/2022 10:26

OnlyFannys · 30/11/2022 10:23

I know 🤦‍♀️ its unbelievable. If there is one time in your life when you absolutely have no obligation to "try" and attend social occasions I think stage 4 cancer is it fgs

Show quote history

Absolutely agree. Of course you were right to cancel if you don’t feel up to it, OP.

Do your friends know just how bad things are and how completely wiped out you feel? Sometimes people think it’s like in the movies, swanning about in soft focus in a head scarf. You might need to spell it out for them.

AllPlayedOut · 30/11/2022 10:28

I know I need to make an effort but the whole thing just makes me want to cry really!

You don't need to make an effort. Your health and wellbeing are far more important.

SagittariusDwarf · 30/11/2022 10:29

FuckConvoGiveMeAForest · 30/11/2022 10:06

I can't believe people on here saying OP should "try and go" it's stage 4 cancer for fuck sake not tonsillitis!!

Exactly this. Some disgraceful replies.

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