To cancel going to a weekend get together

[Merchantadventurer]

I have a weekend away planned with some old school friends this weekend. It was planned with me in mind as the others have seen each other over the years as they live close but as I moved a fair distance away I have lost touch.

The primary reason for doing it now is that I have stage 4 cancer. I have felt fairly well but suffering now with some long term after affects of covid and medication side effects.

I had warned on booking I would probably only make one night as I wasn’t hugely well but things are getting worse and now I feel I can’t make it at all. I am struggling with fatigue and it has limited my mobility etc hugely. I can barely get dressed or get downstairs some days!

I messaged the organiser yesterday to say I would not be able to come and made sure to offer to pay my share for a two night stay. She has not replied.

I am now doubting myself. Should I have left it later to cancel? Should I have tried my best to go? Any advice or comments appreciated!

Can they come to you instead, if you are up to it, even for a few hours?

They must not realise how ill you are. In your shoes I'd simply tell them how it is , they won't know otherwise.
Ideally they should visit you , without overstaying and making you even more exhausted.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You absolutely must put yourself first.

I expect the delay is while she contacts other people to discuss the situation, if it would be the right thing to go ahead without you, are there other options to see you and so on before coming back to you. I wouldn't imagine for a moment a friend would be upset with you about this.
Perhaps you could arrange a phone or zoom call with them all if they do get together, or maybe send them some photos or a video and ask for them to reciprocate.
One get together, regardless of circumstances, does not define a relationship. If you're not able to get together in person they're no less your friends or you theirs.
I wish you strength.

Sorry @chocolatebrownie68 you're right, I didn't read the OP properly.
I just feel a bit defensive generally for the world's organisers who usually are only trying to do a nice thing

Wow. Those of you saying push through and go must have never witnessed someone with stage four cancer. It's not that simple and the OP has said how much of a struggle it is day to day. Has your friend read the message? Are you near to where the get together is planned that they could come to you for a couple of hours or even just an hour? I'm so sorry that you're going through this and I really hope it all sorts itself out as you have far bigger things to think about.

Thanks everyone. To be fair to my friends I agreed to the location and it was hugely cheaper to book the non refundable rooms. I was feeling a bit better then!

They are also all coming from the opposite direction eg I am an hour west and they are all a few hours north of the place. Picking me up would be a ball ache!