Do you know anyone who got married very young?

[Worryaboutmybread]

I’m a teacher at a secondary with a sixth form attached. One of my year 13 girls is engaged to her boyfriend (whose 19 and finished school last year). They’re planning on getting married this summer after she’s done her a levels. She seems very exited and was talking to her friends about going dress shopping with her mum. I said congratulations as I don’t feel like it’s my place to discourage it as she’s technically an adult but I can’t lie I felt like the whole thing is quite strange. His and her family are very religious and I think that’s a part of it, they’re apparently going to live and work on his uncles farm. It just seems so young to be settling down and like both of them will miss out on a lot. I have never come across something like this before in 10 years of teaching so I guess my AIBU is do you know anyone else who’s done this and got married while still in their teens?

I got married at 18, after A Levels and in my first job. DH was three years older but already in a very well paying job. Had first child at 19, second at 21, and was a SAHM until I went to uni as a mature student at 29. After degree, I worked ft but then left to do a Post Grad. Worked with last employer for 17 years and they put me through another Post Grad.

My English teacher was disappointed at the news that I was getting married so young but I was married for 44 years (I'm now a widow) and had a supportive DH who helped me achieve my ambitions. While not unique, I know that mine is not the typical story of a teenage marriage.

Engaged on my 18th birthday, married at 19. Will celebrate our 50th anniversary next year. Was par for the course amongst family and friends. All still together apart from one couple. None of us part of any religious group.

My sister got married at 19 and celebrated their 21st anniversary this year.

Lee Evans married his wife at 17! I believe they were both 17 and are still married 38 years later.

My friend married 16, still doing strong 6 kids later.a

I wouldn't encourage a teenage marriage for children of my own (if I had any), but I do know people who married in their teens and had long, happy marriages. Of course, early marriage wasn't so unusual at the time they were married.

On the other hand, I also know a couple whose parents discouraged them from marrying "too soon". He very sadly died very suddenly in his early 20s, so they had little time together. Ultimately, I wouldn't want to prevent young people in love from marrying whenever they felt ready to do so.

Couples who marry young are often from a culture that takes marriage quite seriously, and there's no reason to expect they won't have at least as good a chance of success as couples who wait longer.

I met my husband and three months later we got married. We were both 17. Had our first child at 23.
We're not in the least bit religious.
Still married to the daft sod just over 40 years later.

My grandparents got married at 16 and are 75 now and still together.
I went to school with a man who married the girl he started dating at 13, but I don't know how old they were when they married. I only actually know they ended up married as his parents lived near my grandparents. Another friend married at 22 but divorced at 26.

I was engaged at 20 and married at 23, so not quite as young. I was in uni when I got engaged which to some people was probably a bit strange and 'young' however DH and I had been together since school.

I think it’s lovely.

Looking through the replies I don’t think age matters, it’s whether you married the right person to begin with. I know many people through who married at 18/20 and are all still together a good 20 years on. I also know many who didn’t marry, had a baby or two, then split up. And I also know plenty who did marry and split up. It’s not age so much as the right person. I got married young but only because my husband and I knew the second we saw each other when I was just 20 that we were meant to be. Highly unusual, we met in very odd / romantic circumstances, and it was a very strong connection from the start. He’s a few years older than me too. Despite my young age I’d kissed a few frogs first including a very nasty abusive relationship living with a guy for a few months. We got married a year later and have been married ever since (20 years this year). We have been through trial after trial after trial with everything you could think of being chucked at two people, and are still in a solid loving marriage. He’s my soul mate and I am his. For many, be it young or old, that is the reality of it. It’s not about age, if you’re with the right person, you will find adversity and trials and challenges drive you together, not apart. We’re currently in the biggest trial yet with a life changing situation having occurred / happened but still we look after each other and always will.

It’s not age so much as the right person.

but the skills needed to work out whether a person is right for you only develop with age. It's not intuitive. It takes wisdom and life experience to assess compatibility and choose smartly. And really not many teens have that.

I got married at 21 as did many of my uni friends and colleagues. I left at 61, 5 years ago.

Everyone I know who got married in their teens (religious reasons or to join a partner in the military) are divorced and all divorced before they turned thirty. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I married young, wouldn't be told. It ended fairly rapidly in divorce.
Interesting to see that many of the early marriers had very religious upbringings. I hadn't made that connection before with my own situation, even though I hated the way religion was forced on me as a child.

I have two other friends who married very young whose marriages lasted, from very different walks of life, and neither from religious backgrounds.

Got married after finishing uni at 22 and still married at 37. DH 3 years older.

Not religious, but people always assume we must be!!

I think the age of marriage needs to be increased.

There is absolutely no reason an 18 year old needs to get married and it’s how so many women get trapped in abusive marriages as they’re too immature to be able to see the red flags.

Be in a serious relationship for as long as you want but there’s no need to get married.

I think as females you need to learn to be able to take care of yourself before becoming dependent on a man.
Men also need to learn to be independent too and not just look for someone to replace their mum.

Too many times I’ve read on here and witnessed in RL, women in abusive marriages who don’t leave as they’ve been together so long and they have no idea how to cope on their own.

My mum and dad got married young and are in an abusive relationship and are co-dependent on each other, being independent is something I’ve made sure to show my child.
I have a DD and I will be encouraging her to at least finish university before getting married.

Married at 17. Still together , 42 years married. He's my soulmate and best friend.

A former colleague of mine had to get parental permission to marry at 19 (the age of majority was still 21, although the law changed not long afterwards) to her university boyfriend, and they are still going strong.
Interestingly, they waited until their late 20's/ early 30's to start a family.
I think luck comes into it; they both grew and changed, but they grew together.
One of my college friends did something similar (fiance in the military) and was thus a married woman before she had completed her teacher training, and it didn't work out for them. She expressed regret that they had to go through the trauma of a divorce, acknowledging that he was basically a decent chap, but not the right one for her.

I was 21, still married 42 years later.

My mum was 20 when she married my dad (25). They've been happily married for 37 years now.

More recently, a girl I went to school with got married when we were about 19 (2009) and, according to facebook, they're still together. Like PPs though, she is from an openly devout Christian family, which was really uncommon at my school so getting married at 19 seemed wild.

Married at 17. Still together , 42 years married. He's my soulmate and best friend.

This is lovely but surely if you’ve never had another real boyfriend and don’t know any different then of course you’re going think he’s the perfect man and vice versa as you don’t have anything to compare it to.

I’m not saying your marriage is wrong but I bet there are many people who got married early and were essentially stuck or regretted getting married so young.

It also makes me sad how people will miss out on some of the best years of their lives.

Marry too young get judged even if you are together till death.

Marry late and you often hear oh I wish we had met earlier and shared such and such experiences.

Then you also get those who never married at all because when proposed to when young felt they where not ready to marry and then have jumped from relationship to relationship.

Age has no baring at all it’s all about the individual people. If you are afraid of settling down that’s who you are, if you are a person who gets bored easy a young marriage won’t work any better than an older marriage. If you prefer to be alone then marriage isn’t for you.

If you pick a partner purely based on money or looks it’s probably not going to work out either. Be you 16 or 60 you need to share the same ideals and goals and yes these can change but normally not drastically between two people who live together and enjoyed the same things together anyway.

A party animal marrying in introvert no matter the age is likely going to hit problems, a career women married to a man who wants a 1950’s housewife won’t work but none of that is down to age.