Was your maternity leave like this?

[Floppy123]

I've met up with a friend who's on it, and she says she's so busy all the time, any meetups have to be planned weeks in advance because every day revolves around nap and feeding times and that she just doesn't have much time to stay in touch with people. She said she thought she'd have a lot of free time but that it's just non stop.
I've not had any children so no experience of it , just wondered what other experiences were like?

I was either attached to a breast pump or a screaming baby with multiple health issues that wouldn't sleep.
It was lockdown though so I drowned on my own. It would have been nice to have friends around occasionally but tbh they'd probably have been put off by the purple crying.

Well it depends on the baby, what sort of routine you want to have in place, if any, whether baby is happy to nap in buggy. Thankfully mine was but I still often preferred him to have a proper nap in his bed. So we had routine but with some flexibility. My friend however did Gina Ford- had very short windows outside of strict feeding and nap times to do anything at all.

Depends on the baby and the parent, really. My child only napped in the sling when out and about and refused to get into a routine, so I was able to be quite free. When she hit 11 months she suddenly would only nap in the cot and absolutely had to be fed and sleep at certain times so we did get a bit more rigid.

Oh no :( hope things have gotten a bit better since

I think my friend is doing something similar to the Gina Ford thing

Poor her.

I think it almost entirely depends on the baby. Some are easy creatures that go with the flow, sleep and feed anywhere and are generally quite low maintenance. Some are alert and awake from the minute they are born, struggle to sleep and feed in stimulating environments and cry a lot more. Life with the latter is a lot harder than life with the former. I’m sure some parents do just crack on with the latter, but it’s difficult to just swan around doing what you want with a screaming, overtired, hungry baby.

Yes it can be just as your friend describes. It isn’t for some people.

I was so tired from all the disrupted sleep (for years….) that I was obsessed with getting the daytime naps and routines ‘right’, so it was genuinely hard to fit other things in until baby got bigger/I realised it didn’t make the blindest bit of difference to my nights if I did or didn’t stick to daytime routine. And was also too tired to consider doing things differently or flexibly to fit round a friend.

I also remember timing how long I spent feeding in first weeks, it sometimes was more than 9 hours in a 24 hr period, so more than a full time job. Then I realised this is why we get maternity leave, to look after self and baby, not to make plans with friends. I was a bit gutted tbh!!

And also mine thank god was a content baby 90% of the time, happy to be out and about in a cafe etc as long as he was on a lap or pushed around a museum or the shops in his pram. Took him on a long train journey just us at six weeks and he was a total gem about it. Some babies won’t have any truck with things like that.

i couldn’t breastfeed but did spend three weeks pumping. I regret that now as it was totally detrimental to any rest or fientons i could have had while he was sleeping.

kind of, yes, particularly with that PFB, but it gets easier as the baby gets older and then when you have subsequent children, you just get on with it.

Three MONTHS pumping. I wish I had given up after three weeks on all honesty !

Yes. Mine was the same. It's hard work going from a single person who can do whatever they want anytime they fancy to having a mini human depending on you for everything.

My mat leave was like your friends’. Even though i wasn’t following a strict regime and i wanted to go out to see people- it just wasn’t possible for me. I remember breaking down in tears about how much hassle I found in packing the baby’s diaper bag to take him out. Although my baby had bad colic/reflux/allergies and has been a terrible sleeper till date.

It depended on what I needed on that particular day. If I needed to get out I would be a bit more flexible but if I needed some time alone at home and a happy baby then I’d follow strict nap and feeding times.

I stuck religiously to Gina Ford’s schedule for naps and feeds but it was mostly on the go so naps in the stroller and a lot of ready made cartons of formula so I still had a life. If you have a second child you really can’t stay home all day and once you get on to GF’s baby and toddler book even she admits this.

It depends on a) the baby and b) the parent.

My approach was not the same as your friend, I knew someone in my baby group who was obsessed with routines... in the end we all just went out without her because we were all much less strict and so we could make arrangements, she couldn't. We would invite her but her chosen routines made her a prisoner!

It was for the first few months. I did Gina Ford as all my attempts failed.
It did give me a proper lunch and rest every lunchtime which helped. I used to go to morning or afternoon get togethers.

So depends on the baby. Lots of the other mums when I was on maternity had meet ups in cafes and farm parks etc. I struggled to join in as DS was such an unhappy baby, constantly crying and sleeping very little. I did go to baby groups for the sake of my sanity as I didn’t feel judged in those but didn’t feel I could go to public spaces much. Spent the first six months constantly cleaning up sick and desperately trying to get DS to stop crying and go to sleep.

It's the same for me, I cant keep on top of the housework, I feel like it's a shithole, I'm trying to keep my Etsy business afloat, friends don't msg anymore, never available or just don't reply, baby naps for max 25 mins at a time.
I'm overwhelmed and lonely and partner is just not seeing it, if I nip our to gym for an hour baby cries the whole time I'm out and partner just puy earphones in last night to drown him out.

Yes at times. DD literally slept for 45 minutes at a time some nights, so I tried everything to have a good routine and to keep to it. DD was hard work.

A neighbour had a baby that slept so well she redecorated her entire house on maternity leave - baby slept through, then napped for hours each day. She didn't know what to do with her time. I was a bit flabbergasted at that.

I was bored. DD (after a couple of months) was an angel, but I'm not a baby group person and I have no interest in lolling round all day watching TV. So I was just bored. We did go out a lot but it was more for the sake of it than having a purpose as while they are little, they're not great company. I never realised how important work was to me until I had that year off.

I'm on maternity leave now. I've always stayed flexible as I think that's the best way to be - if we're out and about, he can nap in the buggy or his car seat (or still occasionly naps in someone's arms, just harder to make that happen!). I breastfeed, so feeding can be done anywhere at any time.

I'm on maternity leave and I'm out everyday. I don't plan weeks ahead. I think I have a reasonably easy baby who will nap in car/pram when out. We go to baby classes, friends houses, cafes. He had 3 naps a day, I'm not strict on timings I just go by wake windows. I feel like maternity leave is like annual leave! I'm loving it!!

I'm not a slave to nap times and can feed anywhere so no my maternity leave has been great. My Mum recently retired so we're out for lunch alot, baby classes, meet up with friends. I go back to work in January and I'm gutted

I didn't feel trapped around naps and feeding, but I wasn't trying to do a routine and had babies who would nap basically anywhere. If you are stuck with a baby who will only nap under specific conditions, then you can't really do anything to change those conditions. If she's doing GF IIRC it's naps in pitch black in the nursery in the cot, so she'll be stuck at home for thr duration of the nap plus however long it takes to get the baby to sleep. However many times a day they nap, which is probably something between 2-4x depending on the age of the baby.

You are busy all the time. Mostly just trying to catch up on whatever you can't do because the baby is consuming 100% of your attention and ability, and you're on reduced capacity in general because babies don't sleep and hormonally you're a bit away with the fairies. They also feed a lot, especially when breastfeeding. And doing anything takes at least 50% extra effort and planning, sometimes 150% more. This is little things like going for a wee and making a cup of tea, and bigger things like putting the dishwasher on, making lunch, having a shower, going anywhere. Because you have to think about the baby as well, make sure they are happy/sorted/dressed appropriately/had a feed/sleep/etc. She is also possibly spending an inordinate amount of time researching the next milestone, whether that's weaning or sleep training or jabs or Christmas presents or organising and buying the next size of clothing.

I didn't have to plan stuff weeks in advance but days, yes. Because I'd get into a pickle where I'd think right - OK someone needs to come over but the house is a tip and I need to go to the shop to buy the nice coffee, I haven't had a shower, nobody can see me like this. I've got to buy nappies. I'd NEED a couple of days to prepare!

I think a lot of people assume they will have plenty of free time on ML but it's not usually the case :D